Undergraduate / "My grandparents" - UCF Undergrad essay [6]

Essay (Personal Statement)
The personal statement is a very important part of your application. It assists the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than 500 words or a total of 7000 characters for both statements (refer to character remaining counter below the essay). The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Here it is: Thanks so much for any help you can offer! critiques/grammatical help welcome

My grandparent's house was a haven to my curious mind while growing up in Florida. Running about barefoot in my green Tinkerbelle swimsuit, complete with a tulle tutu, alongside my partner in crime, my sister, Emily, who currently attends and loves UCF, I was bound to get injured once in a while-the evidence lying in the multiple cuts and bruises covering my legs. The most impacting injury was my tripping on a brick on the patio resulting in a bloody mess of a stubbed toe. Quickly my Gran-Gran wrapped me up into her arms and rushed into her massive kitchen. Gently she seized my squirming foot and softly told me that I needed to calm down. I stopped my exasperated sobbing; taking a few deep breathes, and allowed her to put my bleeding toe under the warm streaming faucet water. She cleaned up the wound quickly and painlessly and at that moment I realized just what a special person my grandmother was, as I finally grasped that she made a career out of this-making suffering people feel better.

My grandma has always been a gentle and giving person, her accomplishments ranging from her years spent as a nurse to her receipt of the Founder's award from the National Hospice Foundation for her founding of Vitas-one of the first hospice organizations. The accomplishments of my grandmother, while daunting, inspire me to philanthropically achieve more. I strive to help those less fortunate than myself through volunteer work. Volunteering in programs within my community such as Lift Me Up, a local program that offers therapeutic horse back riding to children with special needs, I have been able to make my own personal contribution to my community, one that I feel proud of and that makes me feel accomplished in my own way as I am making a significant difference in the lives of those less fortunate than myself through a few hours out of my day weekly.

I wish to attend UCF because I know that while there I could continue working within my community in Volunteer UCF, and in order to gain the educational tools that would allow me to attempt to become half the person that my grandmother is-being able to work for the betterment of my community by helping the people within.