Posts by Tide Wang

Tide Wang

Jul 5, 2015

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Sometimes it is acceptable not to tell the truth - not all lies are wrong [4]

Hi Jake,

I'm coming back to yours :).

In fact, in social class, students are taught not to ask new people they have just met three things: age, job, and marriage. If they do, they may have a terrible first impression.

This sentence makes me a little bit headache although I know what you are trying to tell.
I guess some word order could be adjusted.
My attempt:
In fact, some topics such as age, job, and marriage are not welcomed in the first meeting in social class.

Cheers.

Tide Wang

Jul 5, 2015

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] writing: Being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? [5]

Thanks Shinta!
For the word count, the requirement is more than 250 words, and it's impossible for me to write more than 350 words in 40 mins for now. Thanks for noticing that.

For the structure, do you think it's okay to just discuss one side of the topic in two reasons or it's better to have a short concession paragraph?

And the introduction you write is amazing!
Cheers!

Tide Wang

Jul 5, 2015

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] writing: Being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? [5]

Thanks Jake! That's really helpful!

For the conclusion, I found it's hard to differentiate that with the last 1 or 2 sentences in the introduction part. To me, it's basically repeated with some new words. Could you give me any comments on this? :)

Tide Wang

Jul 4, 2015

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] writing: Being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? [5]

Hi all, I'm new here, and this is my first post. I hope to get band 7 in my IELTS. You guys are experts in writing, please make as much commence as you like. Cheers!

Topic:
Being a celebrity- such as a famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Essay:
People have "star dreams" more or less in their teenage time. They think being a celebrity could bring them wealth and happiness. But in my opinion, being a famous person brings more trouble than benefits.

Nowadays, we can easily know other people's life during social network websites. It's extremely hard to keep personal privacy just as a normal person. For celebrities, keeping privacy seems an impossible work. People could easily know where the celebrities lives also their family members' detail. And the journalists work for gossip magazines chase celebrities' life even closer to their personal guard. This brings a sense of unsafety and freedom-lost to the celebrities under "monitored". Secondly, famous people, especially sports personalities face enormous pressure. In daily lives, they need to worry about how to train themselves to reach a higher performance in games as well as not hurting themselves in training sessions. Whey they stood on a playground, the honour of city even country placed on their shoulders. They were not only fighting for themselves, also the group they represented.

In spite of that, some people still believe being a celebrity brings more benefits. They think as a celebrity, it's easy to have a higher income, so they are able to purchase themselves what they want. Also their families will be admired by the public by their names. For example, an Olympic champion's mother always been interviewed with certain questions such as "what did you do to train your child when they were young". And the tips will be followed by thousands of mothers afterwards.

Although being a famous person brings certain advantages to some extents, the price they paid is far more equivalent. The thing they sacrificed are too valuable to me, personally. So I insist that being a celebrity brings far more problems than benefits.

301 words.