knighttoken
Jul 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS: whether an enjoyable job or a good salary leads to a better life [3]
Please correct my essay, thanks in advance.
Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about whether satisfying or high-paying is the prime factor for choosing a job to have a better life. In my view, a desirable job brings more benefits which included high salary.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that life is easier if you have more money. In addition, people obtaining high income could encounter some financial problems and fulfill their needs, which lead to a quality life. For instance, they can afford some luxury items which are entertaining, amusing and useful. However, in order to earn a living, people have to work constantly and consequently they have no time for family and friends, even their own. As a result, they will be full of anxiety or depression when accomplish their workload.
On the other hand, I strongly agree that an enjoyable job is more important than just income. Firstly, people who work with their desire and passion will consider their jobs as something they keen on doing, so workload will be more effective. Secondly, because of their potential and constancy, they will approach opportunities to achieve succeed, which is important in making a profit. Jackma, founder of Alibaba is an example for this, his company had suffered from unsuccessful business throughout 10 years, before becoming a third largest company in the world.
To conclude, money is important, but the key to achieve a successful career is enthusiasm and passion. Even somebody have a job with high salary and did not find it attractive, it would cause mental illness.
Please correct my essay, thanks in advance.
Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about whether satisfying or high-paying is the prime factor for choosing a job to have a better life. In my view, a desirable job brings more benefits which included high salary.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that life is easier if you have more money. In addition, people obtaining high income could encounter some financial problems and fulfill their needs, which lead to a quality life. For instance, they can afford some luxury items which are entertaining, amusing and useful. However, in order to earn a living, people have to work constantly and consequently they have no time for family and friends, even their own. As a result, they will be full of anxiety or depression when accomplish their workload.
On the other hand, I strongly agree that an enjoyable job is more important than just income. Firstly, people who work with their desire and passion will consider their jobs as something they keen on doing, so workload will be more effective. Secondly, because of their potential and constancy, they will approach opportunities to achieve succeed, which is important in making a profit. Jackma, founder of Alibaba is an example for this, his company had suffered from unsuccessful business throughout 10 years, before becoming a third largest company in the world.
To conclude, money is important, but the key to achieve a successful career is enthusiasm and passion. Even somebody have a job with high salary and did not find it attractive, it would cause mental illness.