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Aug 5, 2015
Undergraduate / Goal - to explore the great big world that lies around us; University of Oregon application essay [3]
The prompt is to write something not in your application such as future ambitions, extracirriculars, unusual interests, etc. (max 500 words) I have space for another 150 words but I wanted some feedback first. I am more worried about the content, flow, and vocabulary rather than punctuation. Thank you!
Ever since I can remember I have been fascinated by the idea of exploring the great big world that lies around us, I can remember the feeling of excitement as I boarded the plane with my dad the summer of my freshman year when we headed to Europe. I was so overjoyed that I was finally escaping the boundaries of my city and heading to greater things, after all, the world was so big and I had seen so little of it. Ever since then, I have been set on traveling around the world and immersing myself into the many cultures each country has to offer. While solely traveling does not provide the same benefits as a job does, one being money, paired with an education in medicine and a passion for helping the less fortunate, I know I can accomplish great things. Very few people get to experience the world before they die, I plan to be an exception. At the same time I want to share my knowledge and skill to benefit underprivileged people around the world. I have always been passionate about helping others and hope to put my skills to use. No individual, regardless of age or ethnicity, should be denied proper healthcare. It is my goal to provide those services and make people smile. The United States has advanced greatly in the field of medicine, however, not every country shares our benefits. People repeatedly take things for granted, never stopping to appreciate what they do have instead of what they don't. Lately people have been more obsessed with the latest iPhone or the newest computers, instead of the fact that there are children in some parts of the world dying of starvation, living without clean drinking water, sleeping on the streets. Most people would rather turn a blind eye to the situation than be faced with cold hard facts. I will not let those children down, I want to be there for them and anyone else who has no one to turn to. I want to make a difference.
The prompt is to write something not in your application such as future ambitions, extracirriculars, unusual interests, etc. (max 500 words) I have space for another 150 words but I wanted some feedback first. I am more worried about the content, flow, and vocabulary rather than punctuation. Thank you!
Ever since I can remember I have been fascinated by the idea of exploring the great big world that lies around us, I can remember the feeling of excitement as I boarded the plane with my dad the summer of my freshman year when we headed to Europe. I was so overjoyed that I was finally escaping the boundaries of my city and heading to greater things, after all, the world was so big and I had seen so little of it. Ever since then, I have been set on traveling around the world and immersing myself into the many cultures each country has to offer. While solely traveling does not provide the same benefits as a job does, one being money, paired with an education in medicine and a passion for helping the less fortunate, I know I can accomplish great things. Very few people get to experience the world before they die, I plan to be an exception. At the same time I want to share my knowledge and skill to benefit underprivileged people around the world. I have always been passionate about helping others and hope to put my skills to use. No individual, regardless of age or ethnicity, should be denied proper healthcare. It is my goal to provide those services and make people smile. The United States has advanced greatly in the field of medicine, however, not every country shares our benefits. People repeatedly take things for granted, never stopping to appreciate what they do have instead of what they don't. Lately people have been more obsessed with the latest iPhone or the newest computers, instead of the fact that there are children in some parts of the world dying of starvation, living without clean drinking water, sleeping on the streets. Most people would rather turn a blind eye to the situation than be faced with cold hard facts. I will not let those children down, I want to be there for them and anyone else who has no one to turn to. I want to make a difference.
