lea
Aug 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Food; some parts of the world are suffering from lack of it, other complain about its quality [3]
Hi Samilijah. I would recommend only using an exclamation mark when you really want to make an important point. It minimizes the effectiveness when you use them too often. Have a look at your spacing (take out the space before the exclamation mark), and watch your use of capitals eg Eat Less should be Eat less.
Your first two sentences are good but I am not sure I agree with your statement that At first, everyone has an abundance to enjoy, - you may need to expand on that to make your meaning clearer. I would make your essay more factual with less emotion. Your points about developed nations, food wastage and solutions are relevant but expand on them and make them factual.
You need to have a few paragraphs on Food; some parts of the world are suffering from lack of it, and then wrap it all up in a conclusion.
Hi Samilijah. I would recommend only using an exclamation mark when you really want to make an important point. It minimizes the effectiveness when you use them too often. Have a look at your spacing (take out the space before the exclamation mark), and watch your use of capitals eg Eat Less should be Eat less.
Your first two sentences are good but I am not sure I agree with your statement that At first, everyone has an abundance to enjoy, - you may need to expand on that to make your meaning clearer. I would make your essay more factual with less emotion. Your points about developed nations, food wastage and solutions are relevant but expand on them and make them factual.
You need to have a few paragraphs on Food; some parts of the world are suffering from lack of it, and then wrap it all up in a conclusion.
