nathansp98
Aug 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are heroes those who speak up when others lack the courage? [3]
This is a good essay with indisputable examples and a strong main point. I do think that the opening paragraph - which should only say your position - is too long; you have said your whole point in the first paragraph, making the body paragraphs stagnant. "The most difficult of these challenges is speaking up against authority, as the consequences can include social rejection and harsh punishment. Real heroes are those who voice their thoughts when others lack the courage, despite these consequences." this should be in the second paragraph where you star to elaborate your position. This will make your essay more interesting to read. "The definition of hero is still closely linked with those who rely on legendary physical strength to do good deeds. Perhaps this is a result of the myths and stories of the past" this part should be more compact. In fact, it is even better to start the first concluding paragraph with your thesis.
This is a good essay with indisputable examples and a strong main point. I do think that the opening paragraph - which should only say your position - is too long; you have said your whole point in the first paragraph, making the body paragraphs stagnant. "The most difficult of these challenges is speaking up against authority, as the consequences can include social rejection and harsh punishment. Real heroes are those who voice their thoughts when others lack the courage, despite these consequences." this should be in the second paragraph where you star to elaborate your position. This will make your essay more interesting to read. "The definition of hero is still closely linked with those who rely on legendary physical strength to do good deeds. Perhaps this is a result of the myths and stories of the past" this part should be more compact. In fact, it is even better to start the first concluding paragraph with your thesis.
