Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Brookyrailfan
Name: STEVEN CHANG
Joined: Aug 27, 2015
Last Post: Feb 24, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: USA
School: BROOKFIELD CENTRAL

Displayed posts: 5
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Brookyrailfan   
Feb 23, 2016
Undergraduate / 'KLEX Image Competition' Stanford - "elaborate on extracurricular, 150 words" [6]

So this is the "elaborate on extracurricular, 150 words"

His face screamed, "Help! I'm weird, awkward, and lost!" I met one of my closest friends at KLEX Image Competition a local photography event, when he came up to me, utterly confused. Just like how my fellow photographers have always taught me to be outgoing and engaged, I opened up to him, guided him to our next meeting, and spoke to him not as an experienced photographer but as a responsible friend whom he could trust. It all seemed natural because at one point, I too had been that confused freshman at his first competition.

Some take being a leader as being in control. I have learned that while leadership can mean heading a photo delegation, it can also mean having that personal quality that inspires others to care, to learn, and to get involved. Now, he is running for the KLEX state board.

HOW BADLY AM I SCREWED?
Brookyrailfan   
Aug 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Educational and Career Goals: Why I want to be a mechanical engineer [3]

As a kid, I loved problems. I loved the idea of a challenge that took me more than a few minutes to contemplate. I was captivated by complex things. I was captivated by complex things. There was an exhilaration behind seeing an issue and knowing how to fix it, but it was even more thrilling to solve the problem.

Blue - What stuck out to me was that these three sentences both start with "I" and sound very abrupt and staccato. I would try changing them into two sentences with more emphasis on word choice and connectors.

Green - This sentence is kind of unclear to me. "Knowing how to fix it" and "to solve the problem" seem similar. From my point of view, I think you should try to differentiate a bit more. But that's just me.

As for your questions, I think you should shorten your story by a bit and talk more about your goals. For example here "dedicating myself to learning everything that I can in college" can be expanded into more detail. Not that anything you wrote was bad or distracting from the topic, but I don't think you necessarily need all of it. Once again, that's just my opinion.

Overall, this is a great essay explaining how and why you came to love mechanical engineering. I'd say focus a bit more on word choice as you do repeat some. Some of the sentences are a bit choppy but that can be fixed with adding a few conjunctions and condensing some sentences to make them flow better.
Brookyrailfan   
Aug 27, 2015
Undergraduate / My Life Along The Railroad [3]

Common App Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Essay: My Life Along The Railroad

Since my childhood, I have dreamed of trains. As a toddler, I loved Thomas the Tank Engine toys and constructed huge layouts complete with wooden tracks, train yards, and stations. As time passed, real trains began to draw my interest; I never wanted to miss an opportunity to see the powerful locomotives themselves. By frequently visiting the train tracks in my free time, I not only memorized the entire railway layout in Milwaukee (and later those in Chicago, Atlanta, and Beijing) by age ten, but also learned to identify hundreds of locomotive types, whether they be diesels, steam engines, or bullet trains, with merely a glance.

Photographing trains, an activity called "rail fanning", became an integral part of my life once I received my first camera. While some might see trains as just a form of transportation, I admire them as fascinating and elegant machines. The sound of their whining motors and groaning chassis thundering past my face at sixty miles per hour gives me an adrenaline rush that not many get to experience or appreciate. In my photos, I strive to capture the raw power of the iron horses and portray their sensual beauty. Unfortunately, despite my love for rail fanning, I have faced much opposition from others, including my parents who dub it "a waste of time." As for myself, I continue to brave the torrid, muggy days of summer and the frigid, ice-cold evenings in winter next to the train tracks just for a few precious pixels. I have stood among the tall weeds, thorns, and mosquitoes of mid-July and in the ankle-deep snow of January only for the sake of producing the best images. Sometimes, I can't help but doubt if all of this was worth it in the end too.

Yet every time I peruse through my train photos and reminisce on the countless moments I spent trackside, I realize my hobby is worth all the struggles. My photos preserve the memories I make along the iron rails and keep my love for trains all the more alive. For example, when I look back at a photo I took years ago of four Soo Line electro-motive diesels hauling a heavy freight out of Milwaukee, I can clearly remember standing next to the train tracks waiting in anticipation on that hot summer afternoon. Faintly hearing the horn, then seeing the headlights rounding the bend sent me into action. I raised my camera as the crossing signals went off behind me. When the locomotives approach, I snap my photo. A second later, I feel the power of the train engines rush past my skin and the cry of the horn resonate with my eardrums. When I look up from that photo, everything vanishes.

In a world that is evolving as fast as ours, changes can go by in the blink of an eye. The railroad industry is no different; it is dynamic, with railway companies constantly merging, signing new contracts, and introducing new locomotives. As trackage rights change, engines retire, classic train signals disappear, and railroad depots are torn down, scenes of certain trains passing particular depots, signals, or places in general may never be repeated. I strive to capture those moments before they disappear forever. My photos document the passage of time along the tracks and tell a railroad's history. When I look back at that same photo I took, I can't help but feel nostalgic when I realize that all four locomotives I saw back then are no longer in service today. They have been forever lost to the eternal waves that we call time. The image I shot is no longer just a fond memory I made one summer trackside; it is also a memory of the distant past.

Word count: 629/650

My Thoughts:
- A friend of mine told me I should say why I like to record the past and take my photos. Although I originally planned on using my passion for trains and and how they make me feel to implicitly answer that question throughout the essay, I am wondering if that is enough? If not, where should I insert this information? I don't have a lot of words left.

- Is my hobby of rail fanning clear? (if you're unfamiliar, you can try googling it) Is my strong passion for it clear?
- Feedback appreciated
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