Posts by willflem

willflem

Sep 25, 2015

Undergraduate / Brandeis being a Jewish affiliated university, I felt that I being a Muslim would make me an outcast [9]

Alhamdulillah *_* wow, you're like a blessing. Thank you so much! Seriously! Now I can finally submit my application. I really do appreciate your help. You helped me see my faults in my writing. Sometimes its hard for me to write my thoughts down but now I have more confidence. Thank you again! If there's anything I can do to show my gratitude, do not hesitate to ask. Salaam !

willflem

Sep 25, 2015

Undergraduate / Brandeis being a Jewish affiliated university, I felt that I being a Muslim would make me an outcast [9]

Here it is, a day late actually however I felt the need to analyze it once more. I'm at 276 words, what do you believe I can delete or change so I can make this 26 words shorter? Most of all, does it sound better?

willflem

Sep 24, 2015

Undergraduate / Brandeis being a Jewish affiliated university, I felt that I being a Muslim would make me an outcast [9]

Thank you for being so critical. I finally get what you're saying. You want me to initially make that connection with my reasons for applying. Not only that, I can see that you also want me to go more in-depth and not brush over the statements. I'm going to work on that as well. This is becoming tedious because its only 250 words but I got this. Thank you for helping me. I will post my results later tonight.

willflem

Sep 24, 2015

Undergraduate / Brandeis being a Jewish affiliated university, I felt that I being a Muslim would make me an outcast [9]

Thanks vangiespen and justivy03 for the feedback it helped a lot.
Sorry for the late reply. Work kept me away however I was reading the comments along the way. I drastically changed my essay. Instead of speaking of a childhood memory, I wrote about my study abroad experience. I really focused on linking every bit of the essay together to make it sound fluent as possible. Its currently at 249 words. The limit is 250 words. What do you think?

During one summer, I spent a week volunteering at an orphanage for the mentally challenged in Rabat, the capital of Morocco. Needless to say, my time there was not easy - wake up at the home base at 6:00 AM, and depart by 7:30 AM then reside at the orphanage until the afternoon. For the most part, the orphans were either immobile or able bodied but with an impairment, and the frustrating language barrier made matters cloudy. Nonetheless after playing "hide and go seek", feeding and singing to the children with my mediocre lullabies. In effect, I realized that I'm providing love and service to those who are often forgotten by society, and providing hope in their lives through one word: faith.

Brandeis University is my top choice because the student community commits to providing service through faith, respectively spreading hope. This correlates to my experience I mentioned. Besides a rigorous and quality education, the effects of that journey profoundly encouraged me to apply to Brandeis. However, Brandeis being a Jewish-affiliated university, made me feel that being a Muslim would make me an outcast. Having this in mind, I read reviews on various college websites from Brandeis alumnus and current students which left me positive, and welcomed. Armed with this very useful information, I saw a proof in Brandeis's vision and Jewish values: love thy stranger (Lev. 19:34). Through my faith, I will offer my heart and service to those in need through Brandeis University and beyond while spreading hope.

willflem

Sep 19, 2015

Undergraduate / Brandeis being a Jewish affiliated university, I felt that I being a Muslim would make me an outcast [9]

Why would you like to attend Brandeis? (250 words or fewer) HELP!!!

I'm applying to Brandeis University as a transfer. I really love this college. This is my rough draft, and its maxed at 250. I need help on any mistakes that I have made. I did my best to delete any errors, however an extra pair of eyes would most certainly help. I remained pretty genuine with my experience. Please let me know if everything flows correctly, and most of all makes sense. THANK YOU !!!

Melodies of the Erhu (or Chinese violin), strokes of traditional characters, and brush paintings of mystical landscapes resonated with my young mind profoundly after watching too many re-runs of the movie,Rush Hour. Needless to say, my youthful mind became charged, and empowered through curiosity to learn more about the culture of Hong Kong, and China respectively. As each memory of my life painted a picture of my past, Asian culture has been a major influence in my career ambitions, and Brandeis University is a part of those aspirations.

Your institution carries a heavy emphasis on being a part of something bigger than one's self. Furthermore, the prominence on community service is appealing; along with various student clubs that encompasses Asian culture attracts me. At that moment, I realized that Brandeis University believes in global citizenship just as I do. Unlike many other colleges, Brandeis's vision was established and has always sought to protect ethnic, religious and racial minorities while prioritizing justice, equality, and social change.

However, Brandeis being a Jewish affiliated university, I felt that I being a Muslim would make me an outcast. Until, reading reviews on various college websites from Brandeis alumnus and current students. The comments are extremely positive, and illustrates a welcoming culture. From those individual college reviews, I saw proof in Brandeis's vision. Brandeis is right for me because I will contribute to those values through curiosity to learn the unknowing, and helping those in need while doing so. Thank you for this opportunity.