ysilmi
Sep 19, 2015
Undergraduate / Art is my voice and peace - Common Application Essay Prompt #1 [3]
Hi im applying to multiple schools near my area through the common app, and I was wondering if someone could help me with corrections on my essay? I am a very bad writer and am very shy to ask people for help on it! Thank you very much!
Let me know if you consider it interesting or not, and please be honest!
PROMPT #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Growing up as the oldest of four girls with immigrant parents has led me to bestow high expectations upon myself that leads me to always be the best self that I could possibly be, and give me the drive to push myself even further. However this has ideology has been challenged when I switched from public school to private school. Throughout ten years of my academic life I went through the public school system. A small fish in a big pond, very few people even knew my name. In search of a better education, my sophomore year of high school, I was put into a whole new environment, a small private school in Chestnut Hill. Along with the obvious pros of the switch, such as better resources and caring advisors. The cons included drastically the hardest transition that I had ever been faced with. I had to adjust myself in a new environment fast. One of the biggest transitions I had to face was my long commute on public transportation. Before this I had never ventured far out of my town to ever use public transportation. Unlike my old commute which was a quick five minute drive down the street, my commute to my new school was over 90 minutes of public transportation, which included three trains, a bus, and a migraine. This transition was extremely overwhelming for me. However it was a small price I had to pay for a better education. Along with the extensive transportation, I had to adjust to a rigorous and plentiful workload and schedule that I was not familiar with. Which led me to have hardly any free time all day, until arriving home at eight. During the first couple of months at my new school, I noticed that my grades began to drop drastically, and I began to get worried when the people around me were doing great academically without much hesitation, and I was struggling to keep a C in most of my classes. I was worried because even after a full year in this new school, I still felt unsettled and out of place. I began to constantly wonder what I was doing wrong, and began to feel extremely anxious. Due to this I began to have trouble sleeping. I spent nights not being able to sleep because I had too many thoughts running through my head. One night, when I couldn't take the numerous voices in my head, trapping me and causing me extreme difficulty in going to sleep, I stopped fighting my mind to go to sleep, I got out of bed and sat up at my desk. As soon as my pencil touched the paper, I began to feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. This helped soothe me because all the emotions and thoughts that were swirling in my head were now laid flat on a piece of paper. And I finally felt at peace. My art has been a significant factor in my transition. My art is not just a hobby, My art is my voice, and every time my pencil hits the paper my thoughts flow out like magic. Being challenged with such a drastic transition so early in my life has not slowed me down, however has taught me to never give up, and never get distraught from a challenge I am faced with. Instead to thrive on this transition and allow me to empower myself through it. I have had multiple challenges hurdled towards me these past years, and instead of feeling distraught, I didn't let these challenges define me, but instead empower me to face the challenge in the best way that I could. This transition has taught me multiple things, but most importantly, I can handle anything that it thrown my way.
Hi im applying to multiple schools near my area through the common app, and I was wondering if someone could help me with corrections on my essay? I am a very bad writer and am very shy to ask people for help on it! Thank you very much!
Let me know if you consider it interesting or not, and please be honest!
PROMPT #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Growing up as the oldest of four girls with immigrant parents has led me to bestow high expectations upon myself that leads me to always be the best self that I could possibly be, and give me the drive to push myself even further. However this has ideology has been challenged when I switched from public school to private school. Throughout ten years of my academic life I went through the public school system. A small fish in a big pond, very few people even knew my name. In search of a better education, my sophomore year of high school, I was put into a whole new environment, a small private school in Chestnut Hill. Along with the obvious pros of the switch, such as better resources and caring advisors. The cons included drastically the hardest transition that I had ever been faced with. I had to adjust myself in a new environment fast. One of the biggest transitions I had to face was my long commute on public transportation. Before this I had never ventured far out of my town to ever use public transportation. Unlike my old commute which was a quick five minute drive down the street, my commute to my new school was over 90 minutes of public transportation, which included three trains, a bus, and a migraine. This transition was extremely overwhelming for me. However it was a small price I had to pay for a better education. Along with the extensive transportation, I had to adjust to a rigorous and plentiful workload and schedule that I was not familiar with. Which led me to have hardly any free time all day, until arriving home at eight. During the first couple of months at my new school, I noticed that my grades began to drop drastically, and I began to get worried when the people around me were doing great academically without much hesitation, and I was struggling to keep a C in most of my classes. I was worried because even after a full year in this new school, I still felt unsettled and out of place. I began to constantly wonder what I was doing wrong, and began to feel extremely anxious. Due to this I began to have trouble sleeping. I spent nights not being able to sleep because I had too many thoughts running through my head. One night, when I couldn't take the numerous voices in my head, trapping me and causing me extreme difficulty in going to sleep, I stopped fighting my mind to go to sleep, I got out of bed and sat up at my desk. As soon as my pencil touched the paper, I began to feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. This helped soothe me because all the emotions and thoughts that were swirling in my head were now laid flat on a piece of paper. And I finally felt at peace. My art has been a significant factor in my transition. My art is not just a hobby, My art is my voice, and every time my pencil hits the paper my thoughts flow out like magic. Being challenged with such a drastic transition so early in my life has not slowed me down, however has taught me to never give up, and never get distraught from a challenge I am faced with. Instead to thrive on this transition and allow me to empower myself through it. I have had multiple challenges hurdled towards me these past years, and instead of feeling distraught, I didn't let these challenges define me, but instead empower me to face the challenge in the best way that I could. This transition has taught me multiple things, but most importantly, I can handle anything that it thrown my way.
