Undergraduate / Just overnight, the family I was familiar with has disappeared, leaving only me and my father... [14]

Thank you so much! Sorry for being 'retarded' these days, I will try to combine all these and make the perfect one for me. Thank you, sincerely!

Undergraduate / Just overnight, the family I was familiar with has disappeared, leaving only me and my father... [14]

Thanks for advices, Here I add an short paragraph to transit. These are the 3 consecutive paragraphs with the new one.

In the beginning, i knew it was difficult for him. He was never known for his tidiness but he had to learn to be organized for both of us. My father and i were both quiet men, so we did not have many deep conversations as my mother and i used to have. Both of us were trying our best to be a family, but it was just not the same without mother. However, we never stopped trying to build our own special relationship as father and son.

When I was packing the cleats and cones for my self-football training as usual, dad suddenly called me, 'Do...Do you need anyone to pass for you? Though I had never tried that before...' Coming to the field, I had to teach him how to throw the ball, how to let it spiral due to his lack of experience. Never a easy thing to teach, this oval irregular ball could never been passed by him successfully like a reliable quarterback. He struggled and failed, watching me do cone drills silently on the bench. Somehow, I first time felt we were trying to be bonded together.

Last year, i took part of the international triathlon tournament in beijing. Not only was it the first time that i was qualified for such an event, but it was also the first time my father attended one of my events.

Undergraduate / Just overnight, the family I was familiar with has disappeared, leaving only me and my father... [14]

Thank you so much for revising, I just followed ur edits and here's the latest version. And from my own perspective, We might need to add something like a transition before the triathlon event part otherwise it might be a bit abrupt while reading it. Please leave your views and suggestions after reading this again, huge thanks. They are really helpful to me.

Since i was young, my mother had controlled of everything in my life. From homework, friends i hung out with, what i ate for dinner, everything was planned and organized. To be honest, i secretly enjoyed that, because due to her strictness, i was always the student with the best grades and the most athletic. My father, on the other hand, spent most of his time away from home because of business. Despite not having both parents around all the time, i had a very happy childhood.

Maybe because i relied on my mother too much, i felt my world come to an end when she died in a car accident, leaving only my father and i to continue. My father, who was born with an adventurous spirit, had to give it all up so he could stay home to raise me.

In the beginning, i knew it was difficult for him. He was never known for his tidiness but he had to learn to be organized for both of us. My father and i were both quiet men, so we did not have many deep conversations as my mother and i used to have. Both of us were trying our best to be a family, but it was just not the same without mother. However, we never stopped trying to build our own special relationship as father and son. Last year, i took part of the international triathlon tournament in beijing. Not only was it the first time that i was qualified for such an event, but it was also the first time my father attended one of my events.

Despite all the training, it was the most difficult thing i have ever attempted. Whether during the 1.5-kilometer swimming or the 40-kilometer biking, the thought of giving up kept entering my mind. As i started the last part of the 10-kilometer run, i saw my father waiting patiently with his camera, hours after the race started, just to capture a memory of my participation in the event. Watching him tolerate the fierce sun to support me gave me new determination to finish the competition. After the race, i hugged him by instinct. It was the first time i hugged him since i started high school. It was then i realized the unique dynamic of my family. Though i never told him how grateful i felt when i crossed the finish line, though he is still reticent, i saw the reflections of his love and care every day, feeling his love and care, which had been always surrounded me, but i failed to acknowledge before because my mother was the constant presence offering love and care in my life before. I came to a realization over time. As my relationship with my father improved over the days, we were both contributing to this small family, exerting our love, energy, and efforts silently.

My father will never fill my mother's place, and love me like she did, but it was not because he loved me less. It was only that he had a different way of loving me, which was through support and care. In that way, he has done his best all these years to make up for her absence, and i am very thankful to him. In return, i try to give him my full support in everything that he does because it helps us build our relationship as father and son. Whether it be volunteering and helping with his business's advertisements or just spending time with him, i also try to show him that i love and care for him. That i understand him even when he thinks i don't.just as he tries to reach out to me in his own way. We might not meet the traditional definition of a perfect family, but we have found ways to care for and support each other. And i hope my mother, who maybe secretly watching us in heaven, is proud of what we have accomplished.

Undergraduate / Just overnight, the family I was familiar with has disappeared, leaving only me and my father... [14]

I just made some edits to focus on the relationship between my dad and. Sincerely thank you for editing my previous draft. But I have some worries after deleting the paragraph 4. Will I reveal too little about me in this essay? And after deleting par 4, will some of my traits be overlooked by officers? Looking forward your edits and comments :D BTW, I feel honored to be ur 1000 thumbs up,

And here's my latest edits:

Since I was young, my mother had controlled of everything in my life. From homework, to friends I hung out with, to what I ate for dinner, everything was planned and organized. To be honest, I secretly enjoyed that, because due to her strictness, I was always the student with the best grades and the most athletic kid in the neighborhood. My father, on the other hand, spent most of his time away from home because of business. Despite not having both parents around all the time, I had a very happy childhood.

Maybe because I relied on my mother too much, I felt the world come to an end when she died in a car accident. Overnight, the family I was familiar with disappeared, leaving only my father and me to continue. My father, who was born with an adventurous spirit, had to give it all up so he could stay home to raise me.

In the beginning, I knew it was difficult for him. He was never known for his tidiness but he had to learn to be organized for both of us. Just cooking rice was a challenging task for someone who had never cooked in his life. Sometimes, before I went to bed, I would find my father reading some instruction manual, trying to fix the broken refrigerator or other equipment. Many times, he would be multitasking, answering business phone calls while making dinner for us.

My father and I were both quiet men, so we did not have many deep conversations as my mother and I used to have. Both of us were trying our best to be a family, but it was just not the same without mother. However, we never stopped trying to build our own special relationship as father and son. Last year, I took part of the international triathlon tournament in Beijing. Not only was it the first time that I was qualified for such an event, but it was also the first time my father attended one of my events.

Despite all the training, it was the most difficult thing I have ever attempted. Whether during the 1.5-kilometer swimming or the 40-kilometer biking, the thought of giving up kept entering my mind. As I started the last part of the 10-kilometer run, I saw my father waiting patiently with his camera, hours after the race started, just to capture a memory of my participation in the event. Watching him tolerate the fierce sun to support me gave me new determination to finish the competition. After the race, i hugged him by instinct. It was the first time i hugged him since i started high school. It was then I realized the unique dynamic of my family. Though I still never told him how grateful I felt when I crossed the finishing line, though he is still reticent, I saw the reflections of him in every day, feeling his love and care, which had been always surrounded me. We are both contributing to this small family, exerting our energy and efforts silently.

My father will never fill my mother's place, and love me like she did, but it was not because he loved me less. It was only that he had a different way of loving me, which was through support and care. In that way, he has done his best all these years to make up for her absence, and I am very thankful to him. In return, i try to give him my full support, volunteering with his business's advertisements. When he is finished with his photography, i am responsible for post-production editing, producing advertisements for his company. We might not meet the traditional definition of a perfect family, but we have found ways to care for and support each other. And I hope my mother, who maybe secretly watching us in heaven, is proud of what we have accomplished.

Undergraduate / Just overnight, the family I was familiar with has disappeared, leaving only me and my father... [14]

Here's my previously finalized draft which is more close to Louisa's points. Welcome any everyone's review and comments!!!
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Since young, my mother had control of everything in my life. From homework, to friends I hung out with, to what I ate for dinner, everything was planned and organized. To be honest, I secretly enjoyed that, because due to her strictness, I was always the student with the best grades and the most athletic. My father, on the other hand, spent most of his time away from home because of business. Despite not having both parents around all the time, I had a very happy childhood.

Maybe because I relied on my mother too much, but when she left after a car accident, I felt the world come to an end. Overnight, the family I was familiar with disappeared, leaving only my father and me to continue. My father, who was born with an adventurous spirit, had to give it all up so he could stay home to raise me.

In the beginning, I knew it was difficult for him. He was never known for his tidiness but he had to learn to be organized for both of us. Just cooking rice was a challenging task for someone who had never cooked in his life. Sometimes, before I went to bed, I would find my father reading some instruction manual, trying to fix the broken refrigerator or other equipment. Many times, he would be multitasking, answering business phone calls while making dinner for us.

My father was not the only one who changed. Since entering middle school, thanks to the understanding of school's teachers, I have been allowed to attend parents' meeting alone. Knowing that my father would not have time to check my homework, I became best friends with teachers and senior classmates, going to them for all my questions. To keep myself healthy, I started to workout and swim, eventually becoming a triathlon athlete and one of the best American football players in the region.

However, my father and I were both quiet men, so we did not have many deep conversations as my mother and I used to have. Both of us were trying our best to be a family, but it was just not the same without mother.

Last year, I took part of the International Triathlon Tournament in Beijing. Not only was it the first time that I was qualified for such an event, but it was also the first time my father attended one of my events.

Despite all the training, it was the most difficult thing I have ever attempted. Whether during the 1.5-kilometer swimming or the 40-kilometer biking, the thought of giving up kept entering my mind. As I started the last part of the 10-kilometer run, I saw my father waiting patiently with his camera, hours after the race started, just to capture moments of me. Watching him tolerate the fierce sun to support me gave me new determination to finish the competition. After the race, I hugged him by instinct . It was the first time I hugged him since I started high school.

My father will never fill my mother's place, and love me like she did, but it was not because he loved me less. It was only that he had a different way of loving me, which was through support and care. In that way, he has done his best all these years to make up for her absence, and I am very thankful for him. In return, I try to give him my full support, volunteering to help his business's advertisements. When he is finished with his photography, I am responsible for post-production editing, producing advertisements for his company. We might not meet the traditional definition of a perfect family, but we have found ways to care for and support each other, and I hope my mother, who maybe secretly watching us in heaven, is proud of what we have accomplished.

Undergraduate / Just overnight, the family I was familiar with has disappeared, leaving only me and my father... [14]

@vangiespen, huge thanks for the advices. You really gave me hopes. Sincerely thank you. Your suggestions really helped me to solve the problems bothering me for weeks. After passing this essay to my peers and teachers at school(I am from China), they all gave me negative feedbacks, reckoning there were too much in the essay were talking about my dad instead of me (because it is a 'Personal Statement') and they couldn't feel what characteristics of me I wanted to convey, which really made me feel unsettled and unconfident with my application. This draft is already the one that I had added my 'responsibilities' draft after taking my teachers' advices.

I will definitely follow your and Kevin's suggestions to think more deeply about this essay and make some edits tomorrow. Would you please review and have small corrections on my later edits?

Sincerely, huge huge huge thanks from my heart. (From a student who recollected his confidence now typing excitedly in mainland China at midnight )

Undergraduate / Just overnight, the family I was familiar with has disappeared, leaving only me and my father... [14]

Thank you so much. It is really meaningful to me. I will go think about the question. Huge thanks!