gracechen31
Oct 25, 2015
Undergraduate / Pursue a career in medicine after witnessing woman go into full cardiac arrest - Personal Statement [3]
Prompt: You may use your personal statement to highlight special interests, talents, goals, or unique experiences.500 word maximum.
As the pastor's deep, empowering voice bellowed in the background, I sat at the end of the pew, half asleep. In an effort to stay awake, I began to synchronize my breathing with the cadenced breaths of the elderly woman sitting in front of me, zoning out the sounds and surroundings of the church sanctuary. I continued with this pattern, even as her breaths became shorter and heavier. After approximately twelve strained breaths, she began to gasp, at which this point i stopped. She took one last heave, and the 85-year-old woman collapsed, falling from her seat to the ground, landing on her chin. The pastor stopped speaking. Gasps of concern were heard from around the room. Not one person moved. It felt as if all time had stopped. I stood there, frozen in place/paralyzed, petrified, with my heart pounding out of my chest, feeling as if everyone was expecting me to do something. The woman showed no signs of movement, of consciousness, of life. Breaking the silence, a man shouted from amid the crowd to roll the woman onto her back to prepare for CPR. He made his way through the mass of people and I watched as he repeatedly thrusted his arms up and down on her chest, breathing through her mouth every few seconds.
I was twelve years old at the time. I remember walking into class the next day, telling my classmates and teachers about how I witnessed a lady "die and come back to life." Never would I have imagined that that day would come to influence the choices I make today. Witnessing this event sparked a desire in me to help people. I remember how helpless I felt, standing with the woman's comatose body lying at my feet. It's one of the worst feelings,-standing there, wishing you could help, all the while knowing there is nothing you can do. However, at the same time, I remember the man who saved her life. I admired how he took charge, remaining nonchalant throughout the situation. I idolized his bravery and leadership as he resuscitated the woman. Having witnessed this incident has led me to decide to pursue a career in medicine, where I can devote my life to the aid of others.
My passion for medicine has not only driven me to become a better student, but to help out wherever I can. Having seen poverty in different areas of the state and country, I feel very passionately about the well-being of others. Although I did not possess the ability to aid the people medically, I found other ways to help, including rebuilding schools and teaching young children how to read and write. Just by doing the smallest things to help change someone's day brings me satisfaction. Furthermore, my desire to pursue medicine has facilitated my devotion to learning and fascination of the human body. My strengths in math and science, as well as my interest in human anatomy and physiology indicate that this is the right direction for me, as medicine is the perfect union between my love for learning and helping others and leaving a positive impact on the world.
In about ten years from now, I hope to see myself as the one resuscitating a woman who has just fallen into cardiac arrest. I will no longer feel scared or helpless, rather and qualified and accountable. The opportunity to make a difference in someone's life or well-being is reason enough for me to chase after a career in the medical field, but the fact that it is also a multi-faceted field with constantly evolving specialties and technologies only heightens my desire to pursue this as a lifelong career.
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What should i cut, I am at 617 words, which is well over the maximum.
Be harsh, I will not take offense, just looking for feedback.
and this sentence sounds awkward to me, but not sure how to fix it
--->Furthermore, my desire to pursue medicine has facilitated my devotion to learning and fascination of the human body.
Thanks!!!
Prompt: You may use your personal statement to highlight special interests, talents, goals, or unique experiences.500 word maximum.
As the pastor's deep, empowering voice bellowed in the background, I sat at the end of the pew, half asleep. In an effort to stay awake, I began to synchronize my breathing with the cadenced breaths of the elderly woman sitting in front of me, zoning out the sounds and surroundings of the church sanctuary. I continued with this pattern, even as her breaths became shorter and heavier. After approximately twelve strained breaths, she began to gasp, at which this point i stopped. She took one last heave, and the 85-year-old woman collapsed, falling from her seat to the ground, landing on her chin. The pastor stopped speaking. Gasps of concern were heard from around the room. Not one person moved. It felt as if all time had stopped. I stood there, frozen in place/paralyzed, petrified, with my heart pounding out of my chest, feeling as if everyone was expecting me to do something. The woman showed no signs of movement, of consciousness, of life. Breaking the silence, a man shouted from amid the crowd to roll the woman onto her back to prepare for CPR. He made his way through the mass of people and I watched as he repeatedly thrusted his arms up and down on her chest, breathing through her mouth every few seconds.
I was twelve years old at the time. I remember walking into class the next day, telling my classmates and teachers about how I witnessed a lady "die and come back to life." Never would I have imagined that that day would come to influence the choices I make today. Witnessing this event sparked a desire in me to help people. I remember how helpless I felt, standing with the woman's comatose body lying at my feet. It's one of the worst feelings,-standing there, wishing you could help, all the while knowing there is nothing you can do. However, at the same time, I remember the man who saved her life. I admired how he took charge, remaining nonchalant throughout the situation. I idolized his bravery and leadership as he resuscitated the woman. Having witnessed this incident has led me to decide to pursue a career in medicine, where I can devote my life to the aid of others.
My passion for medicine has not only driven me to become a better student, but to help out wherever I can. Having seen poverty in different areas of the state and country, I feel very passionately about the well-being of others. Although I did not possess the ability to aid the people medically, I found other ways to help, including rebuilding schools and teaching young children how to read and write. Just by doing the smallest things to help change someone's day brings me satisfaction. Furthermore, my desire to pursue medicine has facilitated my devotion to learning and fascination of the human body. My strengths in math and science, as well as my interest in human anatomy and physiology indicate that this is the right direction for me, as medicine is the perfect union between my love for learning and helping others and leaving a positive impact on the world.
In about ten years from now, I hope to see myself as the one resuscitating a woman who has just fallen into cardiac arrest. I will no longer feel scared or helpless, rather and qualified and accountable. The opportunity to make a difference in someone's life or well-being is reason enough for me to chase after a career in the medical field, but the fact that it is also a multi-faceted field with constantly evolving specialties and technologies only heightens my desire to pursue this as a lifelong career.
-------------------------------------------------
What should i cut, I am at 617 words, which is well over the maximum.
Be harsh, I will not take offense, just looking for feedback.
and this sentence sounds awkward to me, but not sure how to fix it
--->Furthermore, my desire to pursue medicine has facilitated my devotion to learning and fascination of the human body.
Thanks!!!