goingforgold
Nov 1, 2015
Undergraduate / Attitude Change: when opportunities arise, don't wait until it's too late - ED Princeton Pers. Essay [8]
Again I have incorporated your incredibly helpful commentary.
It did make my essay more than 650 words, so I have deleted some other things.
I will upload my essay today. Thank you again for your incredibly wise comments!
If you're interested, here is the final draft of my essay:
I felt a bead of sweat drip down the side of my neck. My view was blurry, which made it even harder for my brain to process what was happening. Doctors were debating about my treatment while simultaneously injecting me with all sorts of drugs. "Her blood pressure is still only 70 over 37, we need to infuse more intravenous fluid!" was one of the phrases I heard distantly while trying to stay conscious.
In the summer of 2013 I was in France with my family. One day I started to feel very ill, and when I couldn't walk straight anymore because of dizziness, my mom got worried and took me to the hospital. After a battery of tests I was diagnosed with sepsis. Doctors later told me that I might not have made it had my mom taken me as little as an hour later.
In the week that followed, I had to stay at the hospital for treatment and recuperation. One can imagine that my stay there became extremely tedious after a while. However, it did give me a lot of time to reflect about my life. Realizing that I could have easily died that day, I could not help but think back to all the time that I wasted in high school. How I pretended not to be as smart as I really was, or how I tried to convince people that I did not care about my grades because the truth was, I was a smart student and I cared deeply about my grades. Yet I allowed peer pressure to dictate my academic moves just so I could fit in with the crowd. Why did I choose to stop being an academic achiever?
High school had always been easy for me. I did next to nothing to obtain above average grades in rigorous classes at school. My mom was always telling me I could distinguish myself more if I did more work, but at the time I was desperate to fit in somewhere and to be "normal". This had everything to do with my eight years at elementary school, where I was always labeled as the geek of the class. Kids bullied me, which resulted in my hatred for being smart. So when I went to VWO for high school, I finally felt I fitted in somewhere and I was happy to not be the kid that always had the best marks. I was finally freed from the geek label.
During my recuperation, I realized that I should try to use all the opportunities I have. Trying specifically to not be the best at something is simply foolish, and showed that I was not independent. I discussed this with my mom, and it was the first time I told her that I used to be bullied. It felt like a weight lifted off of my shoulders.
As the fourth year of high school began, my grades went up, and I went from a good student to an excellent student. I started to really delve into my schoolbooks, studied until late at night and found a love for STEM subjects as well as a love for social sciences. To my surprise, my fellow students didn't bully me, but actually started to admire me. That was the first time I realized I should be proud of being smart.
Today I say yes to every opportunity because I only see doors that are open, and take pride in being intellectual. I am much more confident now than I was before, and can always be found surrounded by loving friends. Although my hospitalization was traumatizing, it has shaped me into a more intellectual and seize the day kind of person. I now live by the famous Dutch saying, "Je moet het ijzer smeden als het heet is", which means: When opportunities arise, don't wait until it's too late.
Again I have incorporated your incredibly helpful commentary.
It did make my essay more than 650 words, so I have deleted some other things.
I will upload my essay today. Thank you again for your incredibly wise comments!
If you're interested, here is the final draft of my essay:
I felt a bead of sweat drip down the side of my neck. My view was blurry, which made it even harder for my brain to process what was happening. Doctors were debating about my treatment while simultaneously injecting me with all sorts of drugs. "Her blood pressure is still only 70 over 37, we need to infuse more intravenous fluid!" was one of the phrases I heard distantly while trying to stay conscious.
In the summer of 2013 I was in France with my family. One day I started to feel very ill, and when I couldn't walk straight anymore because of dizziness, my mom got worried and took me to the hospital. After a battery of tests I was diagnosed with sepsis. Doctors later told me that I might not have made it had my mom taken me as little as an hour later.
In the week that followed, I had to stay at the hospital for treatment and recuperation. One can imagine that my stay there became extremely tedious after a while. However, it did give me a lot of time to reflect about my life. Realizing that I could have easily died that day, I could not help but think back to all the time that I wasted in high school. How I pretended not to be as smart as I really was, or how I tried to convince people that I did not care about my grades because the truth was, I was a smart student and I cared deeply about my grades. Yet I allowed peer pressure to dictate my academic moves just so I could fit in with the crowd. Why did I choose to stop being an academic achiever?
High school had always been easy for me. I did next to nothing to obtain above average grades in rigorous classes at school. My mom was always telling me I could distinguish myself more if I did more work, but at the time I was desperate to fit in somewhere and to be "normal". This had everything to do with my eight years at elementary school, where I was always labeled as the geek of the class. Kids bullied me, which resulted in my hatred for being smart. So when I went to VWO for high school, I finally felt I fitted in somewhere and I was happy to not be the kid that always had the best marks. I was finally freed from the geek label.
During my recuperation, I realized that I should try to use all the opportunities I have. Trying specifically to not be the best at something is simply foolish, and showed that I was not independent. I discussed this with my mom, and it was the first time I told her that I used to be bullied. It felt like a weight lifted off of my shoulders.
As the fourth year of high school began, my grades went up, and I went from a good student to an excellent student. I started to really delve into my schoolbooks, studied until late at night and found a love for STEM subjects as well as a love for social sciences. To my surprise, my fellow students didn't bully me, but actually started to admire me. That was the first time I realized I should be proud of being smart.
Today I say yes to every opportunity because I only see doors that are open, and take pride in being intellectual. I am much more confident now than I was before, and can always be found surrounded by loving friends. Although my hospitalization was traumatizing, it has shaped me into a more intellectual and seize the day kind of person. I now live by the famous Dutch saying, "Je moet het ijzer smeden als het heet is", which means: When opportunities arise, don't wait until it's too late.
