Undergraduate / My fencing world teaches me to work diligently on things that I am passionate about - UC prompt 1 [7]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"En garde, pręts, allez!" Fencing seems to happen at the speed of light to many people, but, at that moment, everything in front of me slows down. "44-44" displays on the scoreboard. Whoever gets the next point his team will win. Being the youngest team and ranked last, is beating the second-ranked team possible? I think so.

Most of the nights, you can find my teammates and me at OlympiaFencingClub, drowning the floor with our sweat from six to nine o'clock. Practice wasn't fun: endless footwork, blade work, and drills. I often woke up with many sore muscles in the morning. Sometimes, I wished I could stay at home and watch soccer. My friends didn't understand, when they asked me to a movie, why I always had to respond, "Sorry I can't. Have practice tonight."

What pushes me and my teammates back to our second home every night is the dedication and loyalty the fencing community feels for one another. We all share the same hunger and dedication for success. We train with each other, providing encouragements and advice for improvements. Sacrificing our weekends and driving to New York or flying to Portland to fence in tournaments, we never complain. In tournaments, we coach and cheer for each other when any club member is on the strip. When a teammate scores, our whole club screams with excitement as if we were on the strip with our teammate.

"Focus!" my coach yells. My teammates have done their jobs to put me in this position. As the captain, my job is to finish this bout. I lunge! Screams break out behind my back. Without looking at the scoreboard, I know we've upset the second-ranked team and taken third place in the biggest New England fencing tournament.

The world of fencing teaches me to work diligently on things that I am passionate about no matter how difficult the process may be. In college, I wish to explore something that I'm as passionate for as for fencing and dedicate myself into that area in order to success and excel in that area.

What do you guys think? Do you think it answers the prompt well?