Undergraduate / American way of life - UC prompt 1 personal statement - My dream school is UC Berkeley! [10]

I love the imagery you invoked with a lot of your word choices...very well done!

I only have a few minor grammatical corrections to suggest. You wrote: In America, I was told to never take off my shoes when entering someone's home when, in the Philippines, it was normal." To avoid having a run-on sentence, it should read: In America, I was never told to take off my shoes. In the Philippines, it was normal. Or it could be worded like this to showcase the differences: In America, I was never told to take off my shoes. But, in the Philippines, it was normal.

In America, I was told to never take off my shoes when entering someone's home when, in the Philippines, it was normal. I was told to celebrate Thanksgiving when my family and I traditionally never did. I was told to celebrate Christmas on the 25th when, traditionally, my family and I celebrated on the 24th. The longer my family and I stayed in the United States, the longer I felt as if my identity was being completely erased, and turned into something unrecognizable.

Ben has some other really good tips here ieltspodcast/ielts-writing-task/071-ielts-essay-improvement-class-1-3/