Posts by cleo71

cleo71

Dec 26, 2015

Writing Feedback / Time To Give Back - Peace Corps Motivation Statement Essay [5]

Dear @vangiespen,

Thank you for your feedback.
In my essay I describe 3 major events of my life I thought were self-explanatory in therms of illustrating my preparedness to volunteering challenges. The essay is limited by 500 words, which dictate to be short, sweet and to the point. My professionalism is reflected in my CV. Repeating it in motivational statement seems redundant to me.

cleo71

Dec 26, 2015

Graduate / SOP - SLP graduate program emphasis on special needs services [2]

1. When ("While"?)volunteering at an educational and medical center, I learned that communication problems in children and adolescents are more common than I had suspected they were.

2. "opened my eyes to things" -- what "things"? Is there other word can be used instead?
3. "It breaks my heart when I see others make fun of them or ignore them because they think they are rude or too boisterous. Not understanding they have issues with social language.(This sentence doesn't look complete.) That yelling "I'm praying for you!" during a quiet prayer service is typical for them . (as well as this one) I became part of the solution to this problem, by volunteering at that center and teaching others how to interact with those who have disabilities. "

4. "My undergraduate curriculum has given me vast exposure to various fields of research and career paths" -- this sentence could be the opening one for the paragraph.

cleo71

Dec 26, 2015

Undergraduate / Situations that may have had an impact, either positively or negatively, on your academic record MSU [3]

Dear @ItsLinaTho,

I applause to your accomplishment and a courage to make such important step in your life. Your essay is quiet emotional and touching. However, I think you spend too much attention to the details that may not be relevant to your current goal to attend MSU. Although it was important for the interview to look professionally, was it the main reason why you got internship offer? Did Mr. Vercammen gave you any verbal feedback after the interview was over? Did he explain why he consider you to be a good candidate for the position?

As for your last question "Have I touched upon why I want to attend MSU well?" -- my opinion is -- yes. In last two paragraphs you describe the event that motivates your interest and encourage you to apply extra effort to achieve your goals.

cleo71

Dec 26, 2015

Writing Feedback / Time To Give Back - Peace Corps Motivation Statement Essay [5]

Hello there,

Thank you for taking your time and reading my essay. English is not my native language and even after 16 years of learning it I still struggle with expressing clearly and correctly what goes trough my mind. I'll appreciate for your feedback on any aspect of the essay.

The Peace Corps requirements are:
"Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words)."

Time To Give Back

As we peel back layers of social stereotypes, expectations, and obligations, exposing the true core of who we are, as humans, it becomes obvious that we are all driven by the desire to live in love and peace. Though it may sound simple, many do not know what love is or how to be at peace.

These questions may be as old as humanity but somehow, although there are claims of knowing the answer(s), it is not sufficient just to read or hear about it. It is important to actually apply the principles of love in order to grasp them.

Most people fall short in this practical application which requires diligence and commitment in addition to honesty with oneself. The path is not easy, especially attempting it alone, and is the reason there are opportunities and countless organizations that unite people in this attempt.

Peace Corps has always been first on my list of these types of organizations because it was formed and continues to stand on the principle of human dignity and the freedom to be independent, improving and self-sufficient. I deeply resonate with the fact that these principles are not based on religion, social status, race or gender, because I believe this is how it should be. We are all one living organism, each playing a vital role that interconnects us to each other. Staying true to our nurturing nature is the only way we will be able to survive as a species. Peace Corps support goes beyond borders, conditions and circumstances to promote the basic human right to learn, be creative and be the best one can be. It provides the opportunity to communicate and learn from each other.

I have been a witness and participant in the collapse of the planet's biggest country and major ideologies in the world known as The Soviet Union. Overnight the life of millions was turned upside down, declaring that 4 generations lived in illusion of happiness, prosperity, and hope. I have experienced the beauty and strain of being a mother while raising two boys and I also self-transplanted into a foreign culture, by immigrating to the United States of America from Belarus, in 1998. So in my 44 years, there were plenty of times when I was ready to give up and even times when I did give up. Fortunately, there was always someone there who would stretch their arm in support, share their time, lend words of comfort, and let me tap into their energy, embrace me, change tears of sadness into tears of laughter or simply help me survive. There was always the opportunity to learn from them and I now feel it is time for me to give back to humanity and share my knowledge, energy and soul. When I ask, "How do I best do that?" my answer is Peace Corps.