Graduate / Need help improvising and editing! Why would you like to join one of our Management Schools? * [3]

Hello!
I am applying to a set of colleges through 1 common app portal. This is a rough draft. Would really appreciate your honest feedback and suggestions.

Thank you so much!

Just on the verge of completing my undergraduate degree I believe that now is the perfect time for me to start focusing on the larger picture, understand how the business world works end to end and how the smaller pieces critically fit to meet the organization's vision. The opportunities provided at these business schools paired with my drive makes me convinced that a master's degree from one of these business schools represents the next progression towards all of my aspirations. I am impressed with the school's commitment to providing broad-based business education, integrative business exercises and their particular focus on personal development highly intrigues me. The open curriculum will allow me to take advantage of abundant academic resources and the schools' strong links with the business world coupled with the unique compulsory periods of professional internship will help me build a network of the best brains; learning from their rich experiences will also help me acquire the latest industry insights. Having read student reviews, I found that prospective global managers are led by world-class faculty members and supported by rich diversity of alumni. By immersing myself in student clubs, exchange programs and internships within France and beyond, I will also benefit from these school's invaluable assets.

This exposure to the high quality of education and the confluence of people from varied cultures and nationalities will aid in the overall development of my personality and help me broaden my perspective which will allow me to communicate more effectively, understand global business, and make myself a dynamic leader.