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Posts by Saharnaz
Name: Saharnaz
Joined: Jan 13, 2016
Last Post: Feb 3, 2016
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: Iran

Displayed posts: 5
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Saharnaz   
Jan 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / ( TPO 5 ) things they like to do ? things they should do ? [3]

Crystal812,
I'm studying for TOEFL exam as you do. So I'm not an expert and I only share the information that I know about writing an essay in TOEFL exam. ;)

Your first paragraph should be the introduction for your whole writing. An introduction paragraph doesn't include examples. Only the general info about the subject and your idea about it are mentioned briefly. The examples and details are included in body paragraphs. Additionally, try to write your conclusion paragraph more stronger. As AAORA said everybody knows that it is your opinion. So try to generalize your opinion. Show that others agree with you when they read your reasons in your previous paragraphs.

I suggest you to watch Notefull videos on YouTube. They explain how to write a good essay for TOEFL exam.

Wish you luck,
Saharnaz
Saharnaz   
Jan 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent-Technology lessens children's creativity. Do you agree or disagree? [6]

Thank you very much. I thought writing about the opposite side of the issue may reduce my grade since it is against my point of view and does not support my opinion. However, I will apply your suggestion to my next essay.

Your comment is really helpful for me, especially your last sentence that leads me to write an essay which is more coherent than it has perfect grammar and complex vocabulary usage.
Saharnaz   
Jan 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent-Technology lessens children's creativity. Do you agree or disagree? [6]

Thank you for your feedback. I'll try to apply the points that you mentioned. I have 3 months left to the exam. I think this is enough time to improve my writing. Sometimes, I have some ideas in my mind but I don't know how to express it in English. Therefore, I change the whole idea! The best way to learn a language is "to think" in that language. I think I don't think in English yet. :(

I think nowadays children have become more lazy than in past

I think if you use present perfect instead of past tense, this sentence will be correct. Is my correction right?

I agree with you somewhat but I tried to write about technology's overall effect. The technology has negative effects too. However, I think teachers and parents play a very important role in training children how to use the technology. If children get trained to use technology positively, they will be more creative because of the new and complicated features that technology has!
Saharnaz   
Jan 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent-Technology lessens children's creativity. Do you agree or disagree? [6]

Do you agree or disagree: Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. support your answer with reasons and examples.

There is no doubt that technology advances have extensive effects on human life. It affects on both children and adults behavior as well. This often brings up a controversial question: How does technology affect the children's creativity? In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that technology has made children to lose their creativity in comparison to the past whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective, believing that technology has developed creativity in children. The way I see it, technology positively influences children and increases their creativity and innovation since it provides diverse information very quickly for everybody and helps to improve the skills. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspectives for positive effect of technology on children's creativity.

The first reason that immediately comes to mind is that technology advances helps children to gain different knowledge in a short time. That is to say, technology has increased the operation and work speed so that everyone can obtain diverse information in the same breath and then use it to develop the technology. This loop runs with lots of positive effects on children's creativity. An important factor that improves creativity is knowledge. Children attain the knowledge and use it to create new ideas to solve the problems that they have encountered. Therefore, children improve their creativity by gaining the information very quickly.

As mentioned in the last paragraph, children gain their knowledge very quickly. In addition, the information is easy to access by everybody. Considering the accessibility to information and swiftness of gaining the knowledge, children exploit the information to find new solutions for the issues. A research results indicates that information is an important factor to make creativity. An innovator interconnects diffused information to generate new ideas. When a child has easy and quick access to the information, he can practice improving his creativity. Therefore, the more and quicker the knowledge is gained, the more and sooner the creativity will be improved.

The last but not least reason is that technology helps to improve skills. Regarding the advances in technology, children have access to different instruments that using them and learning how to use them have become very simple. By expanding the range of skills that students know, they can make new innovations by using diverse skills. For example, my niece learned to nurture a flower by searching over the internet. She learned how to plant some seeds by scattering them on or in the earth. Then, she learned to take care of the seeds to germinate, to grow, and to bloom. Thus, she learned the skill of gardening by using technology.

Decisively, if one asserts the aforementioned results of technology on children's behavior, one soon realizes that technology has an overall positive effect on children's creativity. In fact, children use technology to gain knowledge quickly and easily, and to develop their several skills. Consequently, they become talented enough to make new ideas. Nowadays, Governments are planning to train children very creative so that they can recruit employees who can help the country grow by new ideas.
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