Charle W
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. [2]
this is an essay(body and conclusion only) based on IELTS writing task2. every comment would be appreciated. Thank you!
Team sports, indeed, can cultivate children's cooperative side effectively. Take basketball for example, to win such a game, it at least involves close coordination between team members and a cannily designed strategy which, of course, can only be put through by team work. Also, someone will blunder. Under this kind of unwanted circumstance, communicative skills - a crucial part of cooperative spirit - are in need for heady berating could instigate discontent and render failure of the team. Well-organized consoling words instead would put the whole team on their feet again and further cement their solidarity. This skill set is helpful in that in an age when corporate departments are ever intricate and hence leads to more cross-department cooperation, students who play team game will certainly win more favor of their bosses than those who do not.
Unfortunately, most team sports, whether collective or not, inevitably entails competitiveness. It is a wishful thinking that children participating in a basketball game would put all their pride and egger to show aside and play whole-heartedly for the team. There will be spats and competitions about who gets the ball and who makes the shot. Psychological damages to underdogs in the competitions can be destructive. They cloud develop egocentric personality and low self-esteem because of the disadvantaged position they have been put at in a game. All of which may foster lower aspiration and a feeling of resistant to schooling in them which may likely contribute to the development of negative attitudes toward school which runs entirely against the aspiration of any education system.
To rely solely on team sports for collaboration cultivating is a counsel of perfection. Much more should be introduced to avoid negative effects of team sports and fulfil the goal of well-rounded education.
this is an essay(body and conclusion only) based on IELTS writing task2. every comment would be appreciated. Thank you!
Team sports, indeed, can cultivate children's cooperative side effectively. Take basketball for example, to win such a game, it at least involves close coordination between team members and a cannily designed strategy which, of course, can only be put through by team work. Also, someone will blunder. Under this kind of unwanted circumstance, communicative skills - a crucial part of cooperative spirit - are in need for heady berating could instigate discontent and render failure of the team. Well-organized consoling words instead would put the whole team on their feet again and further cement their solidarity. This skill set is helpful in that in an age when corporate departments are ever intricate and hence leads to more cross-department cooperation, students who play team game will certainly win more favor of their bosses than those who do not.
Unfortunately, most team sports, whether collective or not, inevitably entails competitiveness. It is a wishful thinking that children participating in a basketball game would put all their pride and egger to show aside and play whole-heartedly for the team. There will be spats and competitions about who gets the ball and who makes the shot. Psychological damages to underdogs in the competitions can be destructive. They cloud develop egocentric personality and low self-esteem because of the disadvantaged position they have been put at in a game. All of which may foster lower aspiration and a feeling of resistant to schooling in them which may likely contribute to the development of negative attitudes toward school which runs entirely against the aspiration of any education system.
To rely solely on team sports for collaboration cultivating is a counsel of perfection. Much more should be introduced to avoid negative effects of team sports and fulfil the goal of well-rounded education.
