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Nowadays, both the government and citizens are laying more emphasis on public health [5]
I am very grateful for your suggestion and warm welcome as it is the first time for me to upload essay and get help here.Following is my correction and I hope you could see it and tell me if I made any misunderstanding.
Nowadays, both the government and citizens are laying more emphasis on public health. Some state increasing the amount of sports facilities plays the most crucial role in enhancing public health. In contrast, others believe that other actions should be taken because it makes little difference. I
mainly agree with the latter view for the following reasons.
First, it is raising the awareness of the importance of doing exercise that matters most. It means not only should people themselves underline keeping fit but also children should be encouraged by parents and schools to participate in sports activities, such as playing football, baseball, basketball; employee should be given chance to have adequate time for exercising by employers. However, to our disappointment, it is common that in plenty of high school, students are buried in enormous textbooks and test papers, albeit there are many modern sports facilities in school stadium. Hence, emphasizing doing exercise can help deal with eliminating the above circumstance as far as possible.
MoreoverSecond , the government should invest more money and other resources in social medical welfare. In this way, individuals can have access to health check, injection of vaccine and medical insurance at a lower price or for free. More precisely, in some situations, medicine and therapy affordable, the poor could be cured and recover completely, which reveals how investigation in public medical projects contributes to national health.
However, it is also true that people's health can be benefited if more sports facilities are available.
ItOne reason is that many people are willing to do sports but eventually fail to find any public sports equipment to use in communities or somewhere near their companies.
Another reason is that a variety of new equipment can motivate people to use it. Nevertheless, although building up more public sports amenities is essential to some extent, it is not realistic to think that it is the most effective way to booming society's health standard.
In sum, the most fundamental and paramount method of promoting people's health levels is by highlighting the significance of working out. Also, the government should subsidize public health services as well. Meanwhile, we should not underestimate the sense that sports infrastructure can make
.I also want to consult you some questions：
1. "I mainly agree with the latter view for the following reasons. " --Is it a appropriate sentence that correlates with the prompt"discuss both views and give your own opinion" and if not，could you please give me an exmple?
2."I mainly agree with the latter view for the following reasons. "--Is the "for the following reasons" approprite to use to cover the next three paragraph？ More precisely, I am wondering if it can is contraditory with the forth paragraph.
3."Mentioning personal pronoun(s) in introduction and conclusion paragraph are okay, but mentioning it in body paragraph is not. " I do not understand it，so could you give more specifical example?
Thank you a lot and look forward to your reply.