Aphamos
Aug 20, 2009
Undergraduate / "BODY SLAM"; Wrestling - Common App Short Essay [9]
Thanks for the feedback Simone and asyn. I incorporated what both of you said:
When the local youth wrestling club reopened, I saw it as a good opportunity to help some of the younger kids with their technique and fundamentals. I knew from the onset that instructing the kids wouldn't be an easy task, but I didn't expect my patience to be tested so rigorously. As I expected, the first few sessions were a bit frenzied, with the kids wildly jumping on top of one another as yells of "BODY SLAM" filled the ear. Eventually, I became an assistant coach at the club, and through countless practices and an ample amount of laughter (some handstand races come to mind), we turned into a group with the right skills, and more importantly, the right mindset. As our bond matured, the kids each developed a powerful sense of self-respect while my confidence in my teaching capabilities grew.
Would you say this is good enough to move on to the next essay?
Thanks for the feedback Simone and asyn. I incorporated what both of you said:
When the local youth wrestling club reopened, I saw it as a good opportunity to help some of the younger kids with their technique and fundamentals. I knew from the onset that instructing the kids wouldn't be an easy task, but I didn't expect my patience to be tested so rigorously. As I expected, the first few sessions were a bit frenzied, with the kids wildly jumping on top of one another as yells of "BODY SLAM" filled the ear. Eventually, I became an assistant coach at the club, and through countless practices and an ample amount of laughter (some handstand races come to mind), we turned into a group with the right skills, and more importantly, the right mindset. As our bond matured, the kids each developed a powerful sense of self-respect while my confidence in my teaching capabilities grew.
Would you say this is good enough to move on to the next essay?