Undergraduate / The most important section in a student's live (personal statement for CUHK) [4]

Please help with my personal statement! Correcting grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes are fine! Let me know how can I improve it! Thanks!

Motivation :Why faculty of Business Administration
With my parents both engaging in business companies, this makes me to be curious about the dynamic business world since I was little. Ever since then, I have kept a habit of paying close attention to business news, and also aiming to study in a prestigious business school in the future. When I knew that Taiwanese student is able to study in Hong Kong via GSAT, I was really exultant. I can't think of a better place than Hong Kong to study business, as it is a cosmopolitan city with global perspectives, and also due to the geographic position, it is also a bustling financial hub with many potentials. CUHK, a forward-looking comprehensive research university with a global vision caught my attention at first sight, also it's unique college system and the campus environment fascinated me a lot. Three of my program choices are all related to business and I have chosen Integrated BBA as my first program choice ,What makes me eager to studying this program is not only the mass concentrations it provided, but also it will equip me with both broad-based knowledge and expertise in specific professions. Moreover, with the all-around internship programs, I can get a well-rounded hands on education, which will enable me to look directly into my future. Therefore, I have been dreaming to become a member of CUHK.

Extracurricular activities
Outside academic life, I have involved in many extracurricular activities.
In high school, I joined in a dessert club and I am the vice-president and also the Financial directer. Not only we teach the club members how to make delectable snacks, but also we held a plenty of activities.When it comes to cooperate with other schools, not only does it helps me create a more fluid leadership, but also I've gained the concept of listen, communicate and organize. In addition, these experiences allowed me to realize how essential time management is, which helps me to stay focus on my goals and will help me set up my priorities. Furthermore, being the person who is in charge of the fund is tough but challenge. This role requires a thorough logical thinking and practicality, which is helping me improve my arithmetic ability. I used to be a reckless and careless person, however, during the process, I have learnt to hold a cautious attitude toward everything I'm doing.

Running, not only an exercise which helps me reduce pressure, but has also helped me understand how perseverance and determination will lead a road to success. I used to be a member of a track and field team before. Every time when competing with others, I can not only build self-esteem but also drives me to learn at a faster rate and perform at a higher level, so I will try my best in every competition. However,when it comes to failure and exhaustion, neither do I feel frustrated but I have learnt to take defeat well and push myself harder to extract my potential.

I plan to continue my interest in participating various kinds of activities in college, but the most important is that maintain a balance between activities and studies.Those I have learnt during extracurricular activities is of paramount importance to me, which truly reinforce my desire of studying business in university.

Conclusion
I know that studying business may be highly demanding, but I consider myself as a capable and hard-working person who will try the best to grasp every challenge forward, I believe that I will present a fantastic performance. Not only will I make a big progress at a personal level but also will be one step closer to build a foundation for a successful business in the future.