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MSetYo 4 / 9  
Dec 19, 2009   #1
Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you:

I have two that I wrote. I'm wondering which one to use. Thank you so much for your input!
::: VERSION 1:::
The Callused fist

Battered and worn
Indifferent to pain

Always open

Fingers spread - wide
Very wide - reaching-
For a goal cannot be

With a clenched fist

::::VERSION 2::::

My resolve is in crumbs
-Concrete Crumbs-
Each piece though small,
Is hard. Harder than the best concrete-mix on the market.
keilinger 9 / 53  
Dec 19, 2009   #2
Both seem a little too dark for a college admissions submission. But the second one is better.
OP MSetYo 4 / 9  
Dec 19, 2009   #3
Thank You. I tried to write these in conjuction to the hardships I faced due to a Chronic Illness. Hence the recurring theme of pain/struggle.

Do you think that its still to dark?

Thanks again!
JS2010 7 / 18  
Dec 19, 2009   #4
Personally I like the first one more because it is easier to understand and the last sentence really ties together the piece. Like you were struggling, depressed, and angry before but you realized to reach your dreams you have to let go and let live. Definitely choose the first one!
RabiaG 1 / 30  
Dec 19, 2009   #5
I like both of the poems, but I like the first one, the most. I agree with the above comment, the first one is a little easier to understand in comparison to the second one. I like the first one because it shows disparity, but then hint of optimism, by saying that your fingers are wide.

So it shows that you've been through struggles, but you still look at the bright side of the things.

I like I like!

-Rabia gul