"The way they do it" - Do the introduction and thesis of a research paper

I am taking my first English class in 15 years as I recently went back to school to get my degree. My first two essays in this class were A papers, but the research paper is a different beast. I'm wondering if my introduction and thesis--which we turn in a few days before the final paper--has enough information, or if it should include more researched information. I also make a couple of claims (about being people concerned, for example); do these claims need to be substantiated by a source, or does general knowledge suffice? This is for an argumentative research paper on the topic of internet privacy and safety titled Online Privacy: Get Over It, and Get Informed.

Here it is:

"The way they do it is really with our own mistakes." Those are the words of Alain Ghiai, CEO of GlobeX Data S.A., during our conversation last week on the topic of how identity thieves are getting access to our personal information online. I read hundreds of pages from articles and books over the last couple of weeks, but Ghiai's words really summarize the topic of internet privacy and safety perfectly. Americans are very concerned about their confidentiality online, and a lot of them don't realize that many of the risks exist due to their own behavior. The fear and discomfort among internet users is not a surprise. We are constantly exposed to media reports about websites tracking our every move, government surveillance of email and social networks, and more identity theft following the hacking of something somewhere at some time. These news stories do a poor job of identifying the real victims-such as those who had their identity stolen-and those who think they are victims because they notice similar advertising following them around the internet. All of this uncertainty has led to a culture of loud whining by many internet users about online privacy. Americans' would be better served if they spent more energy getting informed, and spent less energy complaining.

I appreciate your time and consideration in responding with feedback.

how identity thieves are getting access to our personal information online. -->thieves appropriate word is hackers

and more identity theft following the hacking of something somewhere at some time. --> the words used "some" are repeatation and it is not professional it is better to rewrite this sentence.

and more identity theft following the hacking of other details.

Americans' would be better served if they spent more energy getting informed, and spent less energy complaining. --> this line is not understandable about your ideas.

improvement needed. All the best.