Black Hole - QuestBridge - Tell us about a concept, theory, or topic you have explored. (200 words)

black hole information paradox

Question:
Tell us about a concept, theory, or topic you have explored simply because it sparked your intellectual curiosity. Why do you find it intriguing? How do you want to explore it further?

Essay:
Stephen Hawking's black hole information paradox has been a controversial concept that I have been trying to answer myself. What happens to the information of the objects swallowed by a black hole if the black hole, as Hawking speculated, soon dissipates into thin space? Could there be another gateway on the other side that lets information escape, or is the data truly erased from mere existence? If the information is erased, then that means that the law of conservation of information, a law proven true, will need to be rewritten.

What fascinates me is the unbelievable fact that we have only observed and learned a speck of the vast universe we live in, thus allowing many laws of nature to be falsified by a celestial object greater than we can ever envision. Despite that, we can be the foundation for future generations to learn the truths of our universe. As I aspire to become an aerospace engineer, I want to assist the space industry by helping build and engineer a telescope that could observe black holes and possibly discover major celestial bodies we have yet to discover as we proceed to enhance our knowledge and understanding of our universe.

The essay is good enough. It aligns well with your ambitions as an aerospace engineer. However, the start of the second paragraph does not seem to align well with the given discussion. I would instead start it with the sentence referring to "As I aspire to..." following it up with ideas as to how you can use your studies to prove Hawking's theory and why, as an aerospace engineer, you will be in the best position to pursue studies in that field, prove it, and use what you learn from it to improve space science and technology. It would help create more interest in response to your further exploration of the topic. Another tip, think space force and connect the theory to the new branch of the air force and its objectives.

I feel like there is some sort of disconnect between the two paragraphs. I think you should provide a sentence or two connecting them more solidly.