Engineering Geology major of the Master of Earth Sciences "Excellence Scholarship"

The end :

Having a very strong competitive spirit, excellence has always been part of my life. In basketball, I have always looked for challenges by, for example, defending the best player on the other team. Last year, it was also a challenge I imposed on myself to be part of Quebec's defending college basketball champion UQAM Citadins and I practised all summer long in order to achieve that goal I set myself. And I succeeded pretty well. This frame of mind has always been my way of thinking either in sports, in my everyday life or in my studies. I cannot remember, even for a field or a subject that did not really interested me, one single exam or test where I did not try to do my best and aim for the best result (i.e 6 out of 6).

My academic achievement and results can, I think, testify it better than I can myself. I finished my High School with four different awards including the one for the best matriculation certificate of my whole High School by reaching an average rating of 5.78 out of 6. My Bachelor's results can show this frame of mind too. During my first year, I achieved an average rating (by taking in compte all the different field I had, namely Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry and Geology) of 5.83 out of 6 and during my second year my major (geology) average rating was 5.92 out of 6. Finally, in Canada, for my last Bachelor's year, I got an average rating of 4.13 out of 4.3. It has never been an obligation for me to look for such results, but I do not know, I suppose it is simply a part of who I am and, I guess, it will never change. I think I cannot live without setting myself high goals and challenges, and trying to always put them higher and harder to get to. My next challenge is to carry out my Master's degree in one of the world leading academic institutions in the field that I simply love and I think the Engineering Geology major of the Master of Earth Sciences that ETH Zurich offers is the perfect fit for me.

I hope that, with this letter, I have succeeded in persuading you I may deserve this Excellence Scholarship and even if neither German, nor English are my mother language, I will do everything in my power in order that this experience become a success.

I would like to thank you in advance for considering my application and I would be pleased to answer to every questions you may still have

That first sentence is impressive in its boldness, but it is to vague. "Excellence" might not be a descriptive/specific enough word to make this meaningful.

defending against the best player on the other team.

Last year, it was also a challenge I imposed on myself to be part of Quebec's ...wait a minute... I don't think being on the team is the same as setting a challenge up for yourself. When you impose a challenge on yourself, it is because you are being proactive about achieving some high standard or goal. If you were on a team, and you claim that this was due to your need for a challenge, it seems contrived, because you were on the team anyway and now you are just writing about it this way for the sake of making an impressive essay.

I think you should revise to omit the theme about "excellence"and "challenge." Let the reader determine on her own that you enjoy challenge.

I think you should focus this essay on the aspirations and plans you have for Engineering and Geology.

If you don't want it to sound boastful and vague, it might be good to revise so that the focus is on your intentions ... mention your achievements as evidence to show how motivated you are to contribute meaningfully to your chosen field. It is hard to write an essay like this without seeming boastful, but the trick is to emphasize the fact that your enthusiasm drives you and compels you to exceed standards.

:-)