the ponit is
Contribution to the school
-Head of English panel .
-Teacher advisor -debating team
-Organizer -charity events
Her retirement is not just a big loss to students, but also a big loss to the school.As we know, Mrs Lim has contributed a lot to our school.She is an amazing and interesting teacher, but she is also the Head of English panel .She always toils hard with other English teacher to make lessons both challenging and yet accessible to all. She try her best for getting her students involved and interested in learning English. Moreover,Mrs Lim is a techear advisor for the debating team.Every day, she spends two to three hours with the debating team to have some discussion and pratices.Finally, the team whom she coach beats other schools in national level. Although she is quite busy between work, she still spend her quality time to take part in charity events.She works as the organiser for a lot of charity events for over ten years .She is such a great teacher. Her teachings will forever be treasured and her contribution can never be measured.
JingNing, since this is a speech writing category, I will focus on your content of your writing rather than grammatical accuracy. I would like to remind you that, despite pointing several points, I suggest that you should also convey us the detail of your speech, how long / how many minutes. It is because, when you only wrote like this, I am afraid that my feedback will not be really helpful. Therefore, I reckon that this speech only last for a while, not more than two minutes, because it is too short. Now, for a breakdown of my feedback towards your ideas, see the descriptions below:
- Mrs Lim has contributed a lot... (what kind of contributions? perhaps you can give some brief examples here)
- She is an amazing and interesting teacher, but she is also the Head of English panel.... (I reckon that'BUT'is used for contrasting something. Amazing (positive), head of English Panel (is it negative?)) and I think this sentence needs more elaboration from you.
- ..teacher advisor for the debating team (the whole idea about this is okay, well-developed)
- ....spend her quality time to take part in charity events (this is also okay, acceptable and understandable)
Lastly, perhaps you can use a quotation from famous person or from your teacher in the closing part of your speech. :)
Hi Jing, first of all, WELCOME to Essay Forum, I hope you find our help in the website to be reliable, useful as well as valuable to your future writing references. Consider yourself lucky in being able to find this website as not a lot of people know that a free editing site that is absolutely real actually exist and Yes, we aim to provide our best to each and every review we provide. Having said that, please find my corrections below;
- Her most honorable, Mrs Lim, your retirement
- is not just a big loss to the students,
- but also an ultimatebig loss to
- As we know, Mrs Lim has contributed a lot to our school.( this is not necessary )
- but she is also the Heads theof - She try her best for gettingto get her students
-a techearteacher ( be careful with your typo )
Well, Jing, there you have it, I hope the corrections helped!
It is just minor corrections as the essay is written fairly well and I hope you follow through with the corrections. I wish to read the revised essay soon.
Her most honorable ,Mrs Lim ,your retirement is not just a big loss to the students, but also is an ultimate loss to the school.She is an amazing ,interesting teacher and also the head of English panel .She always toils hard with other English teacher to make lessons both challenging and yet accessible to all. She try her best to get her students involved and interested in learning English. Moreover,Mrs Lim is a teacher advisor for the debating team.Every day, she spends two to three hours with the debating team to have some discussion and pratices. Finally, the team whom she coach beats other schools in national level. Although she is quite busy between work, she still spend her quality time to take part in charity events.She works as the organiser for a lot of charity events for over ten years .She is such a great teacher. Her teachings will forever be treasured and her contribution can never be measured.
Can you all suggest some vocabulary to make the paragraph better?