My feet started to shiver when it's my turn; What's your greatest achievement/Why?

I would like to ask all of you a question: what is your greatest achievement so far?
there's one valuable thing I achieved recently and I'll treasure it till the end of my life.
It took place last week, the second day of the SAW. The day we did abseiling. My feet started to shiver when it's my turn. The roaring sea was splashing at the rocks at the bottom of the cliff.

I took a very deep breath, gripped the rope tightly and my trembling feet started to move, slowly, horrifyingly descending along the line. My feet got tougher and tougher each step they took with the encouraging cheers from my teammates. My mind was strong. I would not disappoint them and myself.

At last, I managed to complete this daunting and seemed intimidating task and touched the ground. What a relief!
Someone once said, "A challenge only becomes an obstacle when you bow to it." The reason why I take this as my greatest achievement is because the courage and confidence I gained that turned me to a girl who is willing to challenge her and being more adventurous. Life is full of challenges! Fear not. Stretch your limits. You will never know how far you can go.

There is one valuable experience that I cherish until the last moment of my life.


My feet started started to shiver when it was my turn.
It goes strong up until this point;


I think you better write a stronger line for this one... It's not really keeping up with the rest. Good job :)

Thank you so much!!!! I really appreciate your comments:D But would you please be more specific about what changes i should make on The reason why I take this as my greatest achievement is because the courage and confidence I gained that turned me to a girl who is willing to challenge her and being more adventurous Thank you!!

Your idea is absolutely fine and there is not issue about that. What I meant was that it has not been presented up to the level you've done in previous lines. I only meant that you should rephrase the sentence to deliver your idea better. :D ... Let me give you a suggestion;

For me it is not just an achievement, but something that changed my whole character and personality ; I became more confident and adventurous.

Thank you a lot!!! I really appreciate your comments and suggestions:D

dumi
Because of the time of speech delivering is limited that is 90s. Would you please delete some lines for me?

And would you please add some inspirational sentences to the speech? thx a lot:D

I would like to ask all of you a question: what is your greatest achievement so far? Think on it.
there's one valuable thing I have achieved recently that I'll treasure it till the end of my life.
It was place last week, the second day of the SAW. The day we did abseiling. My feet started to shiver when it's my turn. The roaring sea was clashing with the rocks at the bottom of the cliff.

I took a very deep breath... gripped the rope tightly... and my trembling feet started to move... slowly horrifyingly descending along the line. My feet got tougher and tougher each step they took with the encouraging cheers from my teammates. My mind was sturdy. I would not disappoint them or myself.

At last, I managed to complete this daunting and what seemed to be an intimidating task. Then I touched the ground. What a relief!
Someone once said, "A challenge only becomes an obstacle when you bow to it." The reason why I take this as my greatest achievement is because the courage and confidence I gained turned me into a person who is willing to challenge herself to be more adventurous. Life is full of challenges! Fear not. Stretch your limits. You will never know how far you can go.