Why I want to become a oncology Nurse admission

I recently graduated nursing school (RN). There is a paid internship to become an oncology certified specialty nurse. It is pretty competitive so any help will be appreciated. I am falling short of the required 500 words, I am stuck english is not my cup of tea.

(Positive and negative feedback is GREATLY appreciated!)

500 words

Why I want to be an oncology nurse
What is inspiration? Inspiration is maintaining high spirits and hope for a new life despite a diagnosis of cancer. It is the feeling that wakes us up each morning longing for a fulfilling day of caring for others less fortunate than ourselves, yearning for their acceptance through a smile of gratitude.

He was my inspiration for a career dedicated to the needs of others during their darkest and most precious hours. He was my friend and a positive force in my desire to become an oncology nurse. When I was twelve years old he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Although initially healthy looking, as time passed his vulnerable and fragile health became evident. A terminal diagnosis was his misfortune that never lessened his love of life. Although cancer ravaged his physical body, his mental and psychological faculties never failed him. His disease in effect became his inspiration for life and a reservoir of love for all those who supported him.

His outward high spirits and uplifting humor were betrayed by the sadness that emanated from his big brown eyes. The emotional and physical toll of numerous unsuccessful stem cell transplants could not weaken his resolve for life. Humor and laughter permeated all who came in contact with him during his final days. Cancer was a stranger that took my dear friend away from me but he never let anyone in those final days feel like a stranger. He was all alone with this stranger in the beginning but in the process acquired the care and compassion of a new medical family. His open heart simply strengthened their resolve to nurse him to health.

I want to be an oncology nurse because I want to be close to patients in the beginning when the unknown and unfamiliar reinforce our worst fears and insecurities. I want to be there in the middle when patients realize and accept their vulnerability to a disease that threatens their well-being. I want to be there in the end when patients and their families triumph over disease, accept a life changed forever, or solemnly say goodbye to a loved one. Inspiration for life shall be my guide as an oncology nurse always striving for positivity, compassion, and commitment to all of my patients.

As an oncology nurse I will always strive for the compassionate care of all my patients, committed to the vulnerable and suffering, guiding with positivity. Through compassionate attention, caring and listening the stranger that changed their life will be more familiar and not as threatening. His inspiration will be a template for a life dedicated to the needs of others.

positive and negetive feedback is greatly valued.Thanks again for your help

He was my neighbor, my friend; He was Steve. When I was twelve, my friend was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. ---Take out all unnecessary words, as I did here.

Comma:
At first Steve did not appear to be sick, but as time passed it became evident that he was very ill.

do not capitalize after the semi-colon: Steve battled for his life; He tired any and every he tried every treatment available to him, always hoping for remission.

Steve underwent several unsuccessful stem cell transplants. After three years cancer took Steve's body but was unable to take his spirit. No matter how ill and weak Steve was he always made the best out of the situation. Steve was always center stage with his jokes and laughter. Close to the end of his fight I asked him what kept him so positive and Steve said it was the people around him. He said he never knew so many strangers would... Excellent, I like this paragraph, but make those corrections I mentioned.

nice, you are a better writer than you think you are!! And 500 words is not a lot. It's an intro para, 3 body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

If you want to get through this in an impressive way, read about nursing theories. Google that: nursing theory.
I was just talking to someone the other day, for example, about Jean Watson's theory. Look it up. Look up a lot of theories... and discuss them as you discus your own personality and aspirations that lead you to this field.

Who is your favorite nursing theorist?

:-)

I like Nightingale's theory but I do feel Jean Watson's Theory fit more closely with what I'm trying to say and do.

1. The formation of a humanistic- altruistic system of values
-Begins developmentally at an early age with values shared with the parents.
-Mediated through ones own life experiences, the learning one gains and exposure to the humanities.
-Is perceived as necessary...

REMOVED (PLEASE POST A LINK INSTEAD OF PASTING TEXT)
HERE IS THE LINK: currentnursing.com/nursing_theory/Watson.html

Your friend,

EF_Kevin

I love it! That's what I had in mind... it really shows your seriousness and makes your application more competitive than others'...

Leave the name out of that first sentence:
He was my neighbor, my friend; he was my inspiration. When I was twelve years old Steve was diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

You give them the name in the second sentence, so it is okay... :-) And besides, in a story like this, sometimes it is cool to not even give a name. In many meaningful stories the writer does not give characters a name... for example, Google this: Araby Fair.

:-)