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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays

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Describe the factors that have most influenced you and your hopes and dreams.

6 - @charzbk Hello! I feel that your essay was written well although you should start it stronger -- something that...

Undergraduatecharzbk - Jan 15, 2017 / notmargaux - 09:31am
Diversity -------UW Mad------- Something unnoticed, importance to me.

2 - Natalia, your essay is short in the "show" portion. Apart from the opening statement which was more anecdotal in...

UndergraduateNaty - 07:46am / Holt - 08:16am
From a homebody to the active body. UW Madison Essay -- Something important but unnoticed

8 - If you want to approach the essay from an out of the box point of view, then use the...

Undergraduatebarney - Yesterday / Holt - 06:43am
Young Hands - my childish enthusiasm at my very fingertips. Common App Personal Statement

3 - Anthea, I am not sure why you are discussing your musical inclination in this essay. How does this relate...

Undergraduatetchaikovsky - Yesterday / Holt - Yesterday
How I overcame my fear of public speaking - UBC Business Tech Management Personal Profile

4 - @anxjos. Is quite okay. But my little addition is that yiu should say you have always looked for an...

Undergraduateanxjso - Jan 14, 2017 / Knockout - Jan 17, 2017
'the choice to change the world' Spelman College Transfer Essay

11 - @Holt Thank you very much - for your guidance and assistance on my essay!!...

Undergraduatemayline87 - Jan 8, 2017 / mayline87 - Jan 17, 2017
Loyola Marymount Supplement - The primary purpose of education

3 - Selin, like Ichan said, you have to get your essays into the Urgent thread if you have a short...

Undergraduatesweetsenior - Jan 16, 2017 / Holt - Jan 17, 2017
Virginia tech - Our motto is UT Promise. How is service to others important for you?

2 - Nathan, Ut Prosim which is the Latin motto of Virginia Tech literally means "That I may serve". The prompt...

UndergraduatenathanL - Jan 16, 2017 / Holt - Jan 17, 2017
A talk with an ex-homeless person - UBC personal profile

6 - I think your essay could get much stronger if you emphasized how you felt when you heard that man's...

UndergraduateDluusional - Jan 14, 2017 / sweetsenior - Jan 16, 2017
Exchanging ideas and sharing experiences. Applying in scholarship, Essay about my interests.

11 - @Holt Thank you so much for your help. It really helpful for me, but I'll try my best first....

UndergraduateAlindaputri - Jan 9, 2017 / Alindaputri - Jan 16, 2017
Providence College Supplemental essay: Finding the ultimate truth

14 - Thank you for helping me with all my essays! If it hadn't been for you I don't know how...

Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Jan 14, 2017 / ngokhoa99 - Jan 15, 2017
Investing in human development through education and research for national energy defense

5 - Zaki, since this is a very specific application prompt, I believe that you should focus on the possible hypothesis...

Undergraduatemasktaz - Jan 8, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
Project with Syrian Kids - critical thinking story / Why LMU? (LMU Supplements)

3 - Selin, due to the one essay per thread policy of the forum, you will only receive a review for...

Undergraduatesweetsenior - Jan 15, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
USC supplement:describe a time where I have to collaborate to accomplish more than I could by myself

4 - Jiang, what is the purpose of your organization or online magazine? Aside from the name of the organization, you...

UndergraduateBennyoooo - Jan 15, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
My experience of selling samosa taught me to be optimistic... UBC Pharmacy

3 - Alsa, the first thing that you have to change in this essay is the reference to "we". The essay...

Undergraduatetaroto - Jan 14, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
Mini-essay for my UBC application's personal profile. Problem and/or an unfamiliar situation.

6 - The new 2nd paragraph is better focused, even though it is not as lengthy as we hoped it could...

Undergraduatedavkang - Jan 13, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
Essay opening description help - College experience

1 - Hello everyone, can someone please help me with the opening description of this supplement. a perfect college ...

Undergraduatecssanmy - Jan 15, 2017 / — -
FASHION INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY - Creative Photography Essay

5 - Olivia, your narrative focuses too much on the photography journey that you are taking. Now, depending upon whether or...

Undergraduatelgates12 - Jan 14, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
Application Essay - Describing Experience which taught me about myself and/or those around me

6 - Christopher, it is alright for you to use the same response for different essays in different university and college...

UndergraduateCDuke93 - Jan 13, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
UBC Business Tech Management Personal Profile, Unfamiliar Situation

5 - Karin, The situation and solution to the problem that you discussed both times is too elementary and does not...

Undergraduateanxjso - Jan 14, 2017 / Holt - Jan 15, 2017
USC supplement: when I'm exposed to a new perspective

5 - @Holt Thank you! I'll add a little more development. Anyway, thanks a lot....

UndergraduateBennyoooo - Jan 13, 2017 / Bennyoooo - Jan 14, 2017
Aspects of Colorado College which attracted my attention. Why this College?

2 - Batjin, the essay that you developed is well thought out and really displays admirable reasons for wishing to attend...

Undergraduatel3atjin - Jan 13, 2017 / Holt - Jan 13, 2017
My university essay which delivers more info about me, my life, struggles and achievements

5 - Try to find something really special and unique about your background, that way it won't sound like ordinary essays....

UndergraduateAbdulZ1997 - Jan 12, 2017 / l3atjin - Jan 13, 2017
What really impressed me is that TEDxZYZ is really influential. Extra activities essay.

4 - Jiang, the problem with the essay is that is focuses on the organization and how it works rather on...

UndergraduateBennyoooo - Jan 12, 2017 / Holt - Jan 13, 2017
USC Supplemental: A time my beliefs were challenged

3 - @masonn8 So you just told us a story of you, but you don't have your conclusion. What do you...

Undergraduatemasonn8 - Jan 13, 2017 / Bennyoooo - Jan 13, 2017
Uni Admission Essay - I am more than just my grades

3 - Wow, you seem very well rounded and all of these awards are really impressive. I don't think your essay...

UndergraduateHSY - Jan 12, 2017 / masonn8 - Jan 13, 2017
Robotics and software engineering really take my interest. USC supplement essay

5 - I'm also working on the USC essays and I had a few suggestions. Admissions knows what classes you need...

UndergraduateBennyoooo - Jan 12, 2017 / masonn8 - Jan 13, 2017
Describe an experience from my life that demonstrates my character or helped shaped it

2 - Charlene, congratulations on overcoming such a huge educational obstacle. Your story is truly inspirational and I can understand how...

Undergraduatecharade - Jan 12, 2017 / Holt - Jan 12, 2017
Your essay should answer the following questions: What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT?

2 - Leana, it would be best if you complete the prompt requirement that was given to you for the development...

UndergraduateLeavaler - Jan 12, 2017 / Holt - Jan 12, 2017
Briefly discuss a current global issue indicating why you consider it important and what you suggest

3 - Nima, please provide us with the complete prompt for your essay. It got cut off because you tried to...

UndergraduateCrew - Jan 12, 2017 / Holt - Jan 12, 2017
Tell us more why you intent to finish the Computer Engineering Program?

2 - Nate, when you develop your reason for pursuing this academic program, make sure to relate it to a particular...

Undergraduatenhenderson98 - Jan 12, 2017 / Holt - Jan 12, 2017
The brain chemistry. USC Supplemental Essay: How will you pursue your academic interests

5 - @Holt I really appreciate your feedback. Can't tell you how much it helps!...

Undergraduatemasonn8 - Jan 11, 2017 / masonn8 - Jan 12, 2017
The features of nursing profession. NURSING PROGRAM ADMISSION ESSAY

7 - Excellent work Chloe, I strongly suggest that you use this version of the essay for your application. It is...

Undergraduateclr - Jan 9, 2017 / Holt - Jan 12, 2017
Another late night at the hospital. Constructive Advice Needed on Nursing Program Entrance Essay

7 - Hi Chloe. I must say that you effectively applied the suggestions that I made for the improvement of your...

Undergraduateclr - Dec 5, 2016 / Holt - Jan 11, 2017
Art, music, poetry, knowledge, love of life and humorous spirit vs kalashnikovs. Pitzer- Core Values

2 - Narmine, your statement about student responsibility should be placed at the start of the essay and be changed to...

Undergraduatestudent58 - Jan 10, 2017 / Holt - Jan 11, 2017
Ivey AEO Activity Essay #1 - my candidacy to be enrolled in the HBA program

8 - Actually, you should only present one activity that clearly represent the 3 character traits indicated in the prompt. Being...

UndergraduateMT1 - Jan 8, 2017 / Holt - Jan 11, 2017
Why I believe that Virginia Tech is the right place for me

16 - @Holt Whoa !! Thanks for that ! Really Appreciate the help :) and i promise i will improve my...

Undergraduateduboi - Jan 5, 2017 / duboi - Jan 10, 2017
Personal Profile for University Admission - an episode that taught you something about yourself

2 - S M, due to the one essay per thread policy of the forum, I will only be responding to...

Undergraduatenhjoy - Jan 10, 2017 / Holt - Jan 10, 2017
Why Lafayette? Comparing myself to a French general

14 - Its a decent hook because it shows that unlike other students who just base their essays on the work...

Undergraduatengokhoa99 - Jan 9, 2017 / Holt - Jan 10, 2017
Passion for Neuroscience transfer intent essay

5 - Joseph, the portion about your excitement about research should be directly related to the university that you will be...

Undergraduatemasonn8 - Jan 4, 2017 / Holt - Jan 10, 2017
University of Delaware Essays; me as a student, being treated unfairly, great accomplishment

3 - Nick, are you familiar with the University of Delaware? I am sure that you have some sort of backgrounder...

UndergraduateNickNack - Jan 9, 2017 / Holt - Jan 9, 2017
I discovered the art of filmmaking. MSU Personal Statement

4 - Anaija, consider film making as the focal point of your talent that you wish to share with the student...

Undergraduatetumblr - Jan 9, 2017 / Holt - Jan 9, 2017
Reinstatement essay explaining recent academic dismissal

4 - @MT1 Thank you for the revisions!...

Undergraduateneedhelpwessay - Jan 6, 2017 / needhelpwessay - Jan 9, 2017
Common App Essay prompt 4- Balancing Tradition with Experience

4 - @Holt Thank you! After reading it over I can see how it would be more suitable for this prompt....

Undergraduateasaid99 - Jan 7, 2017 / asaid99 - Jan 8, 2017
What would I do if I were a billionaire?

3 - @Holt Yeah, you are absolutely right. Appreciate your help, thank you :) Hopefully I will pass...

UndergraduateVarlamow - Jan 8, 2017 / Varlamow - Jan 8, 2017
Overcoming Is Growing/ Global UGRAD Program: Why would you be a valuable attendant?

3 - @Holt I have already submitted it. Thank you for your help. I am honor student, member of a research...

UndergraduateLorelly - Jan 6, 2017 / Lorelly - Jan 7, 2017
A timid boy living in own comfort zone. Changes made opportunities to achieve a lot more.

17 - That decision is something that you should make for yourself. My opinion is that it can accurately respond to...

Undergraduatemarcusimwj - Jan 2, 2017 / Holt - Jan 7, 2017
He who does not know where he is coming from will never get to his destination.

5 - @Holt thanks for your comments...

Undergraduateyeboah hanson - Jan 6, 2017 / yeboah hanson - Jan 7, 2017
"The White Crayon" - Art School Admission Personal Statement REVIEW

3 - Diandra, is there a specific instruction for this personal statement as dictated by the university? If there are no...

Undergraduatediandraelmira - Jan 7, 2017 / Holt - Jan 7, 2017
The idealist perspective. Why do you think Earlham is a good fit for you?

5 - Khusel, you should definitely use the second version of the last paragraph for your closing statement in the essay....

UndergraduateNuverte0452 - Jan 6, 2017 / Holt - Jan 7, 2017
I believe on Penn's education. Supplemental Essay for John Hopkins.

3 - Harriet, your essay tells us why you have chosen John Hopkins as your primary university application choice. You have...

UndergraduateHarriet - Jan 7, 2017 / Holt - Jan 7, 2017
'What you have learned about yourself as a result of the volunteering activities.' (250)

4 - Nanda, careful with the use of special characters. That might not translate or be seen properly on the computer...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Jan 6, 2017 / Holt - Jan 7, 2017
"How you would use the education you obtain at our institution ?" (250)

4 - Hi Nanda, I believe that it would be best for you to indicate at the start of your post...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Jan 6, 2017 / Holt - Jan 7, 2017
Innovation and Seeking the Truth

7 - Now you understand the prompt Jhe. All you have to do is pick one of the beliefs or values...

Undergraduatejiale1029 - Jan 3, 2017 / Holt - Jan 6, 2017
"How have you overcome an obstacle or challenge you have faced in your life ?" (250)

2 - Nanda, just as you had to translate the meaning of "bandha" for the reviewer to understand what it means...

Undergraduatenandasharma - Jan 6, 2017 / Holt - Jan 6, 2017
Your 'ability to do' will appear in other parts of this application. The 'things needed to be done.'

3 - Marcus, I would not focus on community service or the community at this point. Most of the applicants to...

Undergraduatemarcusimwj - Jan 6, 2017 / Holt - Jan 6, 2017
'I was never truly exposed to poverty' UBC Undergraduate Entrance Essay

3 - @philliplombard I want to first all commend your effort in putting up a 199 word story about your...

Undergraduatephilliplombard - Jan 6, 2017 / okorobiadimma14 - Jan 6, 2017
5th December: The day that I will never forget.

5 - Hi, i think you should elaborate more on your story that how your family inspired you to help people...

Undergraduateshippuden - Jan 5, 2017 / marcusimwj - Jan 6, 2017
BU Transfer Essay- "the objectives" - The Shot

3 - Gabriella, your being rejected from NYU is not an issue in this case. In fact, bringing it up is...

Undergraduategabbyademi - Jan 5, 2017 / Holt - Jan 6, 2017
The book all of Colgate's Class of 2021 should read

5 - @Holt Thanks a lot! I'll make sure to do that. And thank you for all your help with...

Undergraduatealexgzm - Jan 4, 2017 / alexgzm - Jan 5, 2017

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