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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays

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"Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another" - my father influence on me

3 - Hi Danielle, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, you have come to the right platform to learn different things...

UndergraduateMochachii - Jul 27, 2016 / justivy03 - Jul 27, 2016
Technology has always been a passion to me since my childhood; Penn State University statement

2 - Personally,I feel like your essay has a potential but it has a dull sense in the vocabulary.It would be great if you...

UndergraduateWazyr - Jul 26, 2016 / tyjoke - Jul 27, 2016
Soliloquy-2016-17 Common Application Personal Statement Essay prompt from an International Student-

2 - It was AajTak's wordy news story:free speech,hate speech;... It was AajTak's wordy news story; free speech, hate speech, multiculturalism, marginalization, extremism, Islamophobia,...

Undergraduatetyjoke - Jul 26, 2016 / iSasha - Jul 26, 2016
Transfer Application to University of Michigan: What unique qualities attract you to this school?

4 - Thanks for reviewing it. It was a little unfinished... Just stuck in a vicious circle of aggravation. Let me know if...

Undergraduatejessaw - Jul 6, 2016 / jessaw - Jul 22, 2016
Why you would like to come and study at Far East University as an exchange student?

7 - Hi Nrakad, the revised essay is definitely better than the original one, however, I still find a few notes that can be...

Undergraduatenrakad - Jul 18, 2016 / justivy03 - Jul 21, 2016
'very impressed with what I saw' - advice on my Naval Academy Personal Statement Admissions Essay

3 - Hi Anne, upon reading your essay, all I can say is WOW! For a lady to dream of becoming a Naval Officer,...

Undergraduateafnavy - Jul 13, 2016 / justivy03 - Jul 19, 2016
Studying abroad to pursue an accounting degree of global standards;Study Plan for studying in Canada

3 - HI Hasib, as I was going through your essay, what I notice is the lack of smooth transition in the ideas you...

UndergraduateHasib Shakil - Jul 14, 2016 / justivy03 - Jul 19, 2016
From tracking Heme to studying properties of atoms at absolute zero; Georgia Tech Suppl. - Why TECH

5 - Do you perhaps have any suggestion on how to fit in? I kind of want to have the sentence there but not...

Undergraduateharshhpatel98 - Jul 12, 2016 / harshhpatel98 - Jul 12, 2016
I was not awarded the scholarship - I began to view myself as a failure...

10 - Thank you very much, I will take keep that in mind....

UndergraduateDennis65 - Jun 17, 2016 / Dennis65 - Jul 11, 2016
Autobiography - Simple Introduce myself

6 - Hi Derek, below are additional help for your essay; - atwith the comic book called "SLAMDUNK " - when I...

UndergraduateDerek Student - Jul 9, 2016 / justivy03 - Jul 11, 2016
Georgetown University essay - discuss extracurricular activity that you are most involved in

7 - Hi, here's my opinion: Willard was a great dog with a lot of energy- sometimes with too much energy. He would...

Undergraduateadamzwang - Jul 1, 2016 / mandy51425 - Jul 8, 2016
'all drugs come with side effects' - Issue of importance; feel free to critique any mistakes.

8 - Prescribed drugs have certain effects and side effects. Their benefits are uncountable but no one seemed to be ever hidden by their...

Undergraduatemahamansoor - Jul 3, 2016 / mahamansoor - Jul 5, 2016
I would like to revise my essay for ACCD - The three major artists and designers

4 - Hi Richard, for the first part of your essay, I would suggest that you do a paragraph or a few sentences that...

UndergraduateJudgeDredd - Jun 27, 2016 / justivy03 - Jun 28, 2016
How to better word this excerpt from my application essay?

4 - Hi Reagan! "I began to focus and build (...)" Whoa, that's one really long sentence! It's kind of off...

Undergraduatelylreaganmac - Jun 26, 2016 / Hiddengrace - Jun 27, 2016
College application personal essay for vet tech. Just a rough draft, needs a lot of work

3 - Hi Marissa, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we strive to provide you with the most accurate and objective criticism that will...

Undergraduatempg - Jun 24, 2016 / justivy03 - Jun 27, 2016
Windows On Williams - My Community

3 - HI Harvey, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family. I hope you find this website to be helpful and credible towards the revision...

UndergraduateAreinn - Jun 27, 2016 / justivy03 - Jun 27, 2016
Pursuing a Diploma of Leadership and Management course in Canterbury Technical Institute, Australia

6 - Hi Laura, we are always glad to help you out in your essay and it's good to know that you appreciate the...

UndergraduateChyme96 - Jun 22, 2016 / justivy03 - Jun 24, 2016
My Study Plan for Australia Student Visa

14 - thanks alot Justivy03 and all of the contributor, i will not forget all of your kindness, i hope that i...

UndergraduateLaurenppppp - Jun 20, 2016 / Laurenppppp - Jun 23, 2016
A short essay about me for three or four days

7 - It is my first paragraph, I would like someone will correct It for me and give an important advice. I am writing...

Undergraduatesouhail123 - Jun 19, 2016 / Atchane - Jun 23, 2016
Orient Career, The essay describe the orient career in short-term an in the long-term.

3 - Hi Minh, first of all in your title, it should be written; - Orient Career, TheThis essay describes the orient...

Undergraduateminhchanh - Jun 20, 2016 / justivy03 - Jun 20, 2016
Simple Life - Aeronautics and Astronautics Department UW COE Personal Statement

5 - Hi Josh, thank you for the appreciation. There's definitely nothing more valuable than logging in and reading words of thanks from the...

Undergraduatejkreutz5798 - Jun 11, 2016 / justivy03 - Jun 16, 2016
Photography and art - wrong grammar of statement of intent for SVA

3 - Hi Zhi, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family. I hope you find this website helpful as well as...

Undergraduatezmli - Jun 8, 2016 / justivy03 - Jun 9, 2016
My service - critique my Peace Corps Motivational Statement?

5 - Thank you for your suggestions akbartaufiq25!...

Undergraduatevsfpc2016 - Jun 7, 2016 / vsfpc2016 - Jun 9, 2016
Help an aspiring engineer get to Georgia Tech - Crowdfunding Essay

1 - Hello EF team, I hope this finds you well. The following essay is an essay to raise money to pay for...

UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Jun 6, 2016 / — -
"My expirience with the fashion industry" Teen Vogue U Application Essay

3 - Thank you very much! Your comment and critique has given me much more confidence!...

Undergraduatelylreaganmac - Jun 6, 2016 / lylreaganmac - Jun 6, 2016
Write a description about a person who has made a strong impression on you.

3 - Thanks for the feedback akbartaufiq25, I'll make sure to include your points into the essay and I'll definitely be back whenever in...

UndergraduateDanny22 - Jun 5, 2016 / Danny22 - Jun 6, 2016
Identity - rock climbing + what it brought to myself - how it affected me

14 - Thanks for the help! Here's what I got so far [I need to cut 400 words though] My entire body trembles...

UndergraduateArachnid - Dec 30, 2014 / Arachnid - Jun 6, 2016
"Being from a small town" FIT Admissions Essay

5 - Thank you Rodolfo! This is really helpful! Also thank you for the comment about the last sentence! That is the one I...

Undergraduatelylreaganmac - Jun 3, 2016 / lylreaganmac - Jun 4, 2016
NYU Tisch Film and Television Personal Story Essay - grammar / good storytelling?

8 - Hello there, please be advised that you are supposed to follow the standard essay structure that is Introduction, main body conclusion, also....

Undergraduatejrayeveryday - May 31, 2016 / Jeremy Newcastl - Jun 3, 2016
Transfer Essay: Meaningful interest to complete the application.

4 - Hey there! I'll try to focus on the flow as the content is really nice! Okay so: you say "the...

UndergraduateJo1nnyJiang - May 3, 2016 / Arachnid - May 30, 2016
Am I happy where I am in life? Am I the person I want to be? Transition from childhood to Adulthood

3 - Hi David, here's my take on your essay. - When I entered high school , my freshman year, - ...

UndergraduateDavidTheHomie - May 25, 2016 / justivy03 - May 26, 2016
Nepal is a lovely place to live in but can't provide a proper study environment - Canada Embassy SOP

7 - Rachana, I think there is no serious problem with the content of your essay. The flow of the ideas was pretty clear....

Undergraduateshova - May 11, 2016 / ichanpants89 - May 25, 2016
What are your career goals and how do you expect your education at The Art Institute of Pittsburgh..

6 - I strongly believe that pursing my education at [...] create a portfolio to show that I got what it takes. Here...

Undergraduaterachaelspelic - May 25, 2016 / 13williamsm - May 25, 2016
Semester at Sea Essay - A Voyage of a Lifetime

3 - Hi Courtney, I would like to WELCOME you to the Essay Forum Family, this website is aimed at providing you with the...

Undergraduatecscardecchio - May 25, 2016 / justivy03 - May 25, 2016
'Pursuing a degree in Physical Therapy was never my first choice' SOP for Applying to PT school

3 - Hi Kaitlyn, indeed, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family! Now, when it comes to your SOP, I must say it's quiet...

Undergraduatekaitlyng24 - May 19, 2016 / justivy03 - May 23, 2016
YSEALI is an opportunity to learn, experience and bring value to all others.

5 - Hi TJLuschen, Thank for your comment After posting I realized that I forgot to tell about my purpose. YSEALI...

Undergraduatetranthanhnga - May 18, 2016 / tranthanhnga - May 18, 2016
"I deserve to be here" - Appeal/Waitlist Personal Statement for UCs

3 - Merged: Appeal/Waitlist Personal Statement for UCs How should I make this better and shorten it to 500 words? Thanks! [....]...

Undergraduatephbelu - May 14, 2016 / pahoehoe - May 15, 2016
My mother is my model - she has had the greatest influence on my life

3 - Hi Trin, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, may you find this website helpful as well as useful to your writing references...

Undergraduatenhocthienbinh - May 13, 2016 / justivy03 - May 14, 2016
UCSD CSE Transfer Waitlist // New unique facilities, attracted by growth and change.

3 - Hi Jonathan, I would to share my thoughts on your letter. - student, that's interested - in augmentedaugmenting reality -...

Undergraduatejkiger - May 11, 2016 / justivy03 - May 11, 2016
"Exploring my abilities" Transfer Waitlist Personal Statement for UC Davis

4 - -... which lead led me to conclude that at Davis... (lead is not past tense)...

UndergraduateCawaLimon - Apr 24, 2016 / jkiger - May 11, 2016
Temple transfer essay from a biology major

4 - You need to remember that there is no wrong or right in making a personal statement as long as you have answered...

UndergraduateAcritton - May 9, 2016 / ichanpants89 - May 10, 2016
Assistance Writing a vice-presidential Nomination Essay for West Point?

5 - Dear Jeremy, It is such a pleasure to be working with you today. Reading your essay was moving. I do think...

Undergraduatejeremylumbab - May 5, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - May 8, 2016
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? - Personal Statement College Essay

7 - @justivy03 Thank you so much!...

UndergraduateJeffreyGuy - Apr 28, 2016 / JeffreyGuy - Apr 30, 2016
Help me to check my gramatically essays for AAS

4 - thank you for your help and also the advice :) I will fix it again and I hope it can be...

Undergraduateazalea13 - Apr 28, 2016 / azalea13 - Apr 28, 2016
I realize that my dream of becoming an astronaut is turning into a reality

2 - This is a beautifully constructed phrase; I think maybe you are a better writer than you think!! I have some other...

UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Apr 25, 2016 / chenghao - Apr 27, 2016
"Overcoming Adversities" - My College Readmission Essay

9 - Hi Brandi, Your essay looks good to me. Fifth paragraph: ... will allow me to be a more...

Undergraduategreyfidelity - Apr 22, 2016 / JuanSebastianR - Apr 25, 2016
This is my final essay for my Introduction to Religion class. 'My spiritual journey with religion'

4 - I love the introduction in the essay. You begin by using the present tense. A great way to let the reader feel...

UndergraduateJuanSebastianR - Apr 22, 2016 / wongda - Apr 25, 2016
How will the proposed to your career?

4 - Thank you very much for both of your feedback. It will be a great help....

Undergraduateluseveiogo - Apr 23, 2016 / luseveiogo - Apr 24, 2016
'fascinated by medical science' - University of Sydney will uplift my standards

3 - Luse, I have read your essay and noticed that some of sentences need revision. I reckon that the flow of ideas is...

Undergraduateluseveiogo - Apr 15, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Apr 16, 2016
LEADERSHIP APPLICATION; tutoring/classroom assistance and noon-time/spirit activities

4 - Leadership Application Connie...

UndergraduateConnie31124 - Apr 9, 2016 / Connie31124 - Apr 9, 2016
Biochemistry - UC Davis Waitlist; I have been instantly adapted to its community

5 - Tito, first impression of the first sentence is essential. Perhaps you can take a look from an opening sentence of my personal...

Undergraduatettitogo - Apr 7, 2016 / ichanpants89 - Apr 9, 2016
Bowling sport - college admission! help correct my grammars / change words to better ones

5 - ... , most people thought that this is a rough sport which are only meant for boys, so they usually will be...

Undergraduatekriscasso - Mar 6, 2016 / nelarizka79 - Apr 7, 2016
"Short term," "Five years," "Ten years," and "Thirty years." Undergraduate Transfer Essay

6 - I am so excited about the great feedbacks, acs121, TJLuschen, EF_Carol, and Kimbong93! Thank you! I'm working on fixing the essay now...

Undergraduatekev510 - Apr 1, 2016 / kev510 - Apr 4, 2016
College admissions essay about my most important achievements - competition and community service

4 - Hi Liltheman, I think you had the right idea in trying to help the reader capture an imagery, but bring up...

UndergraduateLiltheman - Mar 26, 2016 / kev510 - Apr 1, 2016
'A4-sized white paper' - transfer - flow of the essay, grammar, word choices, and overall feeling

3 - Hi Kevin, Overall I liked your creativity and your writing was excellent, but it's not fitting for a transfer essay. Instead,...

Undergraduatekev510 - Mar 27, 2016 / EzraKoenigsDad5 - Apr 1, 2016
To get enrolled in school - Personal statement for college admission

2 - Dear writer, I am really happy to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you any suggetions....

Undergraduateemanri88 - Mar 31, 2016 / Kimbong93 - Mar 31, 2016
How will your education at the Art institute of Dallas will help you attain your career goals?

3 - Hi Ali, I can see that you have a rather lengthy and meaningful help here from Juan and I hope this is...

UndergraduateRali6 - Mar 29, 2016 / justivy03 - Mar 30, 2016
'the right place for passionate, yet undecided people like me'. This is my Why Tulane essay

2 - I am the A student who took the time (...) from beginning to THE end. ... and others who have...

Undergraduatejason19955 - Mar 25, 2016 / ainirere - Mar 26, 2016
Why you decided to apply to the department/area of Sejong University to which you are applying?

7 - It seems okay, but I suggest you that include particular courses in Sejong Univ. I heard that they have great programs for...

Undergraduatehazeltrinh - Mar 21, 2016 / Feminist - Mar 24, 2016
ADMISSION DECISION APPEAL FOR UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON.. to take further consideration

2 - Note : It is better when you limit or reduce repetitive word , in this case the using of "University of Washington"....

Undergraduatemeltinggsoull - Mar 22, 2016 / Yusri31 - Mar 23, 2016

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