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DON BLOW TOO HARD! - my admission essay advice



neethu16 1 / 1  
Oct 20, 2008   #1
NITHYA RAVI

DON BLOW TOO HARD!!

"Oh no! It is raining." The afternoon skies had opened up suddenly and it was pouring down. Though it was a welcome relief from the heat, it also meant that I would not be able to practise badminton today. Since there was no one at home, I had to entertain myself. Being a restless person, I could not think of anything to do. I thought that I could just listen to some soothing music and while away my time. But I don't believe in wasting time when I could be doing something productive, especially when I was feeling so energetic. It hit me. Cards! That is it. I got it. I could make towers and buildings out of cards. I had seen so many people do it on television and it did not look particularly difficult. Moreover, I would be trying yet another new thing in life.

Having decided my task, I set about working towards it, as I have always done. The first thing to do was to search for the pack of cards. I knew we had one somewhere in our house since I had memories of fun-filled summer holidays with my parents. Half an hour later, I was ready to abandon the search. However, I had never given up on anything in my life and I was not about to start now. There! I had found them. I knew my perseverance would not let me down. After switching on my stereo to my favourite A.R.Rahman album, I set down to work with "Secret of Success" blaring on the background.

Within a minute, I had finished building the ground floor. There! That was easy! I knew I could do it. Abandoning all patience, I rapidly moved to second base. It was getting easier by the moment. I was already envisioning building a vertical monster taller than me. Crash! My momentary lapse of concentration had cost me plenty. I had to begin all over again.

Undeterred by the fall and more determined than ever, I concentrated doubly hard on finishing this 'towering' work that I had begun. After nearly ten minutes, I had eyes for nothing but my fragile product of my pertinacity and concentration. Somewhere within the realms of my mind grew a grudging admiration for all those engineers and workers. I had almost reached the top and 'meeeowww'. Another crash! My pet cat had chosen to visit me now of all times. However, to my mind it was just another hurdle and another test of grit.

It suddenly occurred to me that I might not be able to do it. But I was quick to dispel such negative thoughts. I had come this far and I knew that I could not give up now. This time my concentration was 200%. With the steady hold of a cardiac surgeon and gentle hands of a mother picking her child, I put one card over the other. My heart helped my head by pumping patience, determination, diligence, and concentration to my hands. More than everything else, there was this intense urge to win. To prove that the human mind can do anything it sets out to. Vaguely, I realized that it was thundering outside. But that was nothing to the drumming of my heart.

Ten minutes later, and I was almost there. The fact that I had come so close to something that had been eluding me, made me feel dizzy. But this time I guarded myself against complacency and diversions. I could almost taste the success. Too anxious to even breathe, I put the last two cards together. For a second they shook defiantly trying to comply with gravity. I wanted to close my eyes in resignation. But I refused to be intimidated. I stared at the cards keenly. They settled! As though the intensity of my gaze were holding them. "Reach for the skies and never never give it up." The album had ended and so had my quest.

I felt exaltation and amazement spread through me. A simple pack of cards had taught me one of the most valuable lessons in life. By crashing down the first time, it taught me that complacency does not produce success. It showed me that I have to respect my opponents, no matter how small they seemed. And sometimes things go wrong, for seemingly no fault of mine. But that shouldn't daunt me, rather it should spur me on. Above all, it reassured my belief that patience and assiduity always pay. I realized that even the smallest of things in life can teach us the greatest of lessons to bring out the best qualities in us. From that day onwards, whenever I was confronted by a seemingly impossible task, I remembered that rainy afternoon and a pack of cards, and surged ahead with a steely smile. And the secret behind my hardwork?

"I play my cards right."

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Oct 20, 2008   #2
Good morning.

Because the prompt and/or instructions for this essay were not posted, I can edit for mechanics and grammar only.

In regards to the title, do you mean "Don't"?

In the first paragraph, I suggest you run this piece through a spell checking program such as Word or the Mozilla Firefox web browser (you can get it for free at mozilla.com). Also, avoid contractions in formal academic writing as they are inappropriate and many instructors will count down for their use.

In the fourth paragraph, make sure that when you use quotation marks to indicate sarcasm or to indicate an alternative meaning to a word, that you enclose the word in double quotation marks. For instance, 'towering' should be "towering."

"Vaguely, I realized that it was thundering outside, bu t that was nothing to the drumming of my heart."

"The secret behind my hard work ?"

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP neethu16 1 / 1  
Oct 20, 2008   #3
ummmm... i had posted that.. but it isnt shown here... my topic is
evaluate a significant experience and its impact on you. this essay requires minimum 250 words


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