'no boyfriend or a relationship until college' - Tufts #5

So the topic was
5. Why did you do it?

250-500 word limit.

Why did I do it? Maybe it was because I felt that it was the best opportunity I would ever get. Maybe it was because I thought that I had found the perfect way to ask someone out. Maybe it was the atmosphere. I don't know. I had only really gotten to know her in the past week, and I decided out of the spur of the moment that I was going to ask her out. I knew that she didn't want a boyfriend or a relationship until college, but I did it anyways. So why did I do it? The chance of her saying yes was so small, and I'm a pretty shy guy so asking someone out like this was unthinkable for me. I asked myself this question constantly after she rejected me. But now, I don't regret it, and honestly, if I had to go through it again, I would go through it the same way. Believe it or not, because I asked her out, we got closer, and now she is one of my closest friends. I had to take the risk because I couldn't live with the doubt in my mind of what would happen if I didn't ask her.

As I was reflecting on this question while writing this essay, I think applying to colleges really helped me to understand. Why do people apply to Ivy League Colleges? Their chances of getting in are miniscule, yet why do they do it? The answer is simple: because it is their dream to attend that school, and at the time, she was my dream. Fast forward to senior year, and I'm thinking about asking her to go to prom with me as a friend. Will she say yes? Who knows? But one thing I know for sure is this - it is better to try and fail than to not try at all.

Why did I do it? Maybe it was because I felt that it was the best opportunity I would ever get. - I don't think you have to repeat the prompt. You could just start with "Maybe it was because..." I also recommend saying "I felt like it was..." instead; it seems more natural that way.

But now, I don't regret it, and honestly, if I had to go through it again, I would go through it the same way. --- i think you mean "I would have done exactly the same thing" or "I would have asked her again in a heartbeat"...something along this lines, because the way you have it makes it sound like if you had the choice, you would like the exact same situation occur again (i.e. have you ask her and her say no).

The answer is simple: because it is their dream to attend that school, and at the time, she was my dream --- instead of "at the same time," I would suggest "and likewise" or "and similarly"..because this is what you actually mean, not "at the same time" (a colloquialism, really).

But one thing I know for sure is this: it is better to try and fail than to not try at all. -- this is a good conclusion to get out of what happened, but I just don't like how you used this cliched line...perhaps try to phrase it in your own words? This line has been said so many times and the fact that you use it just completely detracts from your essay. It seems you can't think for yourself and you have to resort to using a cliche (I'm sure this is not true, but it may come off this way, so it is best for you to come up with something original!)

I like the story; it's cute! Good luck (:

Just saying but the 250-500 words is not a limit , its just a recommended length , Very nice essay btw , you really grab the readers attention

Wow! I must say, the beginning really captured my attention. I wasn't expecting this story to be about a relationship, but it was a pleasant surprise and it ties in with your topic well.

There's a problem with this line though - "I think applying to colleges really helped me to understand"

Good Luck!

Can you tell me what the problem is??
Thanks!

You did take a risk, and you did do really well with it. These simple thinks can actually make the officers impressed. Keep it up and best of luck.

BTW Can you take a look at my essays if time permits?

egpctim

As I was reflecting on this question while writing this essay , I think applying to colleges really helped me to understand.

Just to jump in, as I see someone else as pointed out this sentence, which upon rereading does seem awkward. I would actually suggest "As I reflected upon this question, a comparison to the college application process proved useful/showed me the answer/helped me understand." Something along the lines of that - shorter, less vague - I think, is much more powerful.