Brown University Supplemental: Influence or Inspiration

Prompt: Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that ha sinfluenced or inspired you.
(500 Word)

I came into high school thinking I would use the diverse programs and classes offered to narrow down my academic interests into a single apparent category. I came to find that the narrowing down was not occurring, but more the opposite. I found that a computer careers class added fuel to my computer and electrical interests. The class that intrigued me the most, though, was Advanced Placement Physics. Not only did I learn how interesting it was combing the intriguing approaches of math with the compelling concepts of sciences, but the class introduced me to a classroom full of students who shared a passion for learning and success similar to mine. AP Physics, I found, narrowed this undecidedness to a more discernible, distinct category.

Beginning with the first day of class, AP Physics surrounded me with students that set the highest standards for themselves much like I do. The class forced me to be the best I can be not only because of the rigorous academic challenges, but because of the group of students around me, and the family like atmosphere that our teacher created for us. The comradery that was created between the like-minded young adult students was encouraging and uplifting in tough times. Walking through the door, sixth period every other day, I instantly became inspired to learn and understand. The inspiration in this class quickly escaped the doors of room 811 and entered every class I was in, from AP English Language and Composition to Economy. The inspiration even found its way to my house, when it came to computers. Because of this beneficial science class, with its benevolent teacher and invigorating students, I have become inspired and influenced to be the best I can do, set the highest standards for myself, and put myself in the best situations to succeed.

I am only at 310 words. I think I need to add more, but i'm not too sure what to add. Any suggestions? How is the grammar? Does the essay actually make sense? Any advice would be GREAT

I stared at this for a long time before I could figure out what I wanted to say about it. I think the whole first para has got to go, because it says very little, but uses a lot of words to say it.

You could start with this:
Beginning with the first day of class, Advanced Placement Physics surrounded...

After this, just call it physics class without calling it AP all the time. It is better to always strive for efficiency, writing each idea without too many unnecessary words.

And then... after starting with para #2, it would be good to establish a clever theme based on a creative way of thinking about the experience. For example, you noticed the way a good teacher can achieve an atmosphere of discipline. Sometimes in business, this is called a culture of discipline. Maybe you will get a good idea if you read about a "culture of discipline" in Good to Great by Jim Collins. Read your para #2, and read what Collins has to say about "culture of discipline," and see if you get a good idea about a theme for this essay -- as you extend it to 500 words.