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Bullying - Essay about an unfair situation



Kenny Z 7 / 2  
Jan 9, 2010   #1
What is bullying? Bullying is defined as the repeated direct or indirect intimidation of others by the real or threatened infliction of physical, verbal, written, electronically transmitted, emotional abuse, or through attacks on the property of another. It may include, but not be limited to actions such as verbal taunts, note passing, teasing, name calling, and put downs. These types of remarks include ethnically-based or gender-based verbal put downs. In addition to direct attacks, bullying may also be indirect by causing a student(s) to be socially isolated through intentional exclusions, spreading rumors, and endorsing social isolation.

During my sophomore year, I conducted a research project for my English class on the topic of bullying in school. Through my research, I discovered that according to the most recent statistics on the National School Bullying Statistics and Cyber Bullying Statistics Survey of 2007, approximately 30 percent of U.S. students from grades six through ten are involved in some types of bullying. They include bullies, victims, or both. Based on the statistics, one out of every four kids is bullied. After reading case studies of the shooting at Columbine High School, University of Texas, and Virginia Tech, I realized that bullying was a huge factor in causing deaths to high school students. The victims in these fatal incidents did not deserve to die. They did absolutely nothing wrong, and yet their lives were still taken by another.

One day during that same year, my school had an assembly in which we were visited by a nationwide school outreach program for the prevention of teen violence called Rachel's Challenge. They showed us a powerful video/audio footage of Rachel's life and the Columbine tragedy that led everyone, including me, spell bounded. I realized that these terrible events could have happened anywhere, including my own school if we weren't careful enough. During to this presentation, I was inspired become a better person. I started to become more compassionate toward others. I was hoping that my positive actions toward others could benefit my school and help to prevent tragedies like the one that occurred at Columbine High School. Ever since that day, the nature of my school changed dramatically for the better.

DariusVassel15 3 / 6  
Jan 10, 2010   #2
Hey, good start, I like it very interesting and meaningful story.

I assume this is a essay for an application, if it is then you may want to add how the school changed, and personally how you changed along with your school, or if you did anything in your school to stop bullying. Also if you had any excursions with bullying you could mention that and expound on it.

The essay is well written, however, you may want to vary your language, look over your essay and see if you use the same word twice, if you do try to think of a different word, there are too many words to always use the same ones.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 16, 2010   #3
That first paragraph is one long definition. It should be more than a definition. End your first paragraph with a thesis statement.

They showed us a powerful video/audio footage of Rachel's life and the Columbine tragedy that left everyone, including me, spellbound .

Change your intro so that it affirms something about bullying -- so that it makes a statement about bullying that will become the theme of the essay. What is the message of your essay? Whatever it is, you should write abou it both at the beginning and end.

:-)


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