What is the most difficult thing you have ever experienced and what did you learn?
As I struggled to find the words to begin this essay and in two hundred and fifty words describe the most difficult thing I have experienced my mind drew blanks. How does one put into words waking up each day with a weight equivalent to a ton of bricks resting on their shoulders? Living as a teenager and having the territory of mood swings and a constant wide range of hormones is difficult enough, but with severe clinical depression and teen angst, it created a trial that at many times seemed unbearable. My junior year of high school, what was supposed to be the most rigorous year fell to be the year that getting out of bed and dressed was an accomplishment. I was not able to attend school for three months, using the most descriptive of words could not tell of the capacity of such sadness. Although depression is an everyday battle and is not over and may never be, I have learned; I have learned of the deepest compassion for those who feel anguish. I have learned that I am stronger than I would have ever deemed myself to be. I have learned to truly cherish all bits and forms that joy carries itself in because of the days it has been utterly absent. I have learned empathy in its purest form. Finally, I have learned that each day brings something new, whether is learning to love each miracle of life or experiencing the detrimental but needed pains.
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1170 What is the purpose of this writing? IELTS, TOEFL, or...? Also, it is always good to include the complete prompt, so this way helps us understand what you are tying to explain in your essay. After I read this essay, I find some ideas sound peculiar, so I cannot even make some changes regarding the issue. But nevertheless, you can see what I have shown below.
- You need to write a clear introductory paragraph.
The main objective of this paragraph is to present your position on the issue. But you need to pay particular attention to how this paragraph is organized. For example, at the beginning of the paragraph, you have to write a hook, that grabs readers' attention. An effective hook is written with no more than ten words. This is what I suggest students in this forum. Following this, developing your background information. Some students simply reword the prompt, while some others try to elaborate the prompt with current issues. Once you are done, now it's time to write your thesis. A good thesis statement should tell the readers how you will interpret the matter under discussion.
- Coherence and cohesion of body paragraphs
This is the most important paragraph after the introduction. This paragraph discusses what you are presenting in the mini-outline of introductory paragraph with detailed arguments. Not only this, body paragraph needs to be be truly effective. This means that you need to keep your ideas succinct and to the point. It is always good to tie all of the body paragraphs together with cohesive devices, such as firstly, secondly, on the one hand, also, etc.
- Ending your essay with a concluding paragraph
Some students say that this is the most difficult paragraph, since your task is to summarize the aforementioned discussion, but shun being repetitive. To write an effective conclusion, starting off with a concluding signal, such as in conclusion, all in all, etc, to indicate readers that your paragraph will be soon ended. Afterwards, providing a restatement of the thesis statement is must. Beware of being repetitive. I strongly suggest. Prior to ending your conclusion, it is vital to add personal though which can be suggestions, fears or warning, as the consequences of what has been discussed.
- As I struggled to find the words to begin WRITING this 250-WORD essay and in two hundred and fifty words describe ING the most difficult thing I have experienced ( A COMMA) my mind drew blanks.
Hi Madison, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.
- fifty words describe the most difficult thing I have experienced, ( this is very long sentence, don't forget you punctuation marks ) my mind drew blanks.
- it created a trial that atin many times seemed unbearable.
- of bed and getting dressed was an accomplishment.
- using the most descriptive of words could not tell of the capacity of such sadness.
- whether it is learning to love each
- miracle of life or experiencing the detrimental but needed pains .
Madison, I can say that your essay is good and I believe you answered the prompt very well, sometimes we just learn lessons the hard way.
Madison, I know that you are practicing or preparing a response to a college application prompt. While I can understand that you feel a need to use as many words as possible in describing the most difficult thing you have experienced and what you learned from it, I am advising you to just keep the response simple and direct to the point. Don't make the essay so wordy that that reviewer actually has to constantly re-read your statement in order to understand what you are driving at. I took the liberty of revising your essay for you in order to make your message clearer and avoid the need for constant reviewing of your work on the reviewer's part. Here is my take on your statement using only 237 words:
As a teenager, I already suffer from the typical teenage angst related to mood swings and other related issues. So you can imagine how much more difficult living the teenage life became for me when Clinical Depression was added to this mix of exploding hormones.
The illness made my life so unbearable at times that even the simple act of getting out of bed and dressed for a rigorous year of junior high school was tantamount to a triumph on my part. So affected was I by my depression that at my worst, I failed to attend school for three months. While I suffered immensely, I found that over time, the condition I was in served as a strengthening experience for me. It changed my outlook in life and created a better version of myself. I may never recover from my state of depression. Clinical depression is an everyday, uphill battle for me that has helped me learn how to feel compassion for those in anguish. I have come to value the days when bits and pieces of joy enter my life or my day. Empathy is something that I developed for everyone around me regardless of whether that person brings a smile to my face or sadness to my heart. Clinical depression has taught me the value of a person's life happiness and to welcome the lessons brought by my unwarranted but clinical depression learning pains.
Keep in mind that while you cannot go beyond 250 words, you can actually write less than that. Anything less than 250 but over 200 words will be informative enough to get your message across and hold the attention of the reviewer. Again, less than 200 is not fine. Just because you were able to write 250 words exactly does not make the statement perfect either. It just means that it is filled with redundancies and word fillers which makes the essay boring for the reviewer to read. So don't aim for the maximum word count, that doesn't make your statement perfect. Bat for something in the middle instead.