"my Grandma's house in Rhode Island" - Why Brown

Here's my why Brown statement :
PROMPT: tell us more about your interest in brown. why does it appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? 1000 char

Visits to my Grandma's house in Rhode Island formed my first childhood dream: to attend a university in Rhode Island. At first I was thinking about URI but when I got older my relatives suggested Brown. "Brown?" I immediately went to the computer to research Brown. I explored the website and was elated. "This school is in Providence?! Oh Yes."I had found a school better than URI and continued to search only to find I was s more attracted. The campus was beautiful and the International Relations program is one I want to be a part of-one of the best I've ever seen. The prospect of being able to customize ones own major is also appealing, and there are so many clubs I want to join.

Brown-a match for my childhood dreams, a match for what I've always looked for in a college and a school in the Ocean State.

ehhh i don't think I focus enough on Brown itself buuuuut I one of the main reasons I want to go is because it's in Rhode Island.

p.s. URI is the university of rhode island. I figured the admissioners would know that.

Thanks :)

talk more about why you are interested in international relations. talk about your other interests in brown. i personally don't think that you should compare it to URI. talk more about why you like Rhode Island and providence. add more about the campus life. overall just talk more about this school. i don't think that you really convey your sense of urgency to go there in this essay. what clubs do you want to join? if you are going to compare it to URI then why is it better? how do you know this?

this is a good starting point and i'm sure with a few more revisions yours will be perfect! good luck!

okay thanks! :D