'health questions' - Rice Supplement Essay

Rough Draft of Rough draft- any criticism, whether positive or negative, will help :)

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

I have myriads of health questions bubbling within me that I desire to answer with medical research. However, like Rice Scholar Allison Pye, I'm also interested in the cultural and social aspects of healthcare. Rice is unique in that while it's a research university, it also offers Liberal-Arts-like Health Science courses in the College of Humanities. At Rice, I could propose research on the effects of turkey-derived trytophan on the body (it increases levels of serotonin and melatonin, which function together as a sleep inducer) in my Nutrition course, while simultaneously pestering Dr. Hicks, director of "Beyond Traditional Borders" to allow me to travel to Peru, like Owl Danielle Axelson. In Peru, I'd document the Peruvian habit of consuming a main course at lunch as opposed to dinner, and the effects this has on Peruvian's digestive and overall health. Is it a benefit or a downfall to the Peruvian diet; if it's beneficial, how could we apply this to the American Diet? With Rice's endless academic resources, I'd be able to answer these questions and more. I'd even be able to pursue research or volunteer opportunities at the Texas Medical Center. Rice: my epitome of academic perfection.

I think that its nice that you mentioned details on what Rice's program is about since it shows to them that you want to go into their school because you show some early knowledge about a particular aspect of them. Not only will they appreciate the fact that you show a lot of interest in their program but you also have a slight advantage over your peers because you know about some aspects of their program which perhaps other people don't know about.

In this sentence: "I have myriads of health questions bubbling within me that I desire to answer with medical research.", replace desire with another word since I think that it's kind of scripted which colleges don't appreciate. and also "Rice Scholar Allison Pye" is a little confusing since I am not sure whether is she an alumni or a teacher. so make sure that is stated in that essay. but other than that. you are all set

Hey Arianna! I don't know if you're response is below or above 200 words, but it looks like its below. It's a very great essay and I think maroon5 took my correction. But the information you have on Rice shows you have a lot of knowledge and understanding of the school. I don't know but the "to Peru, like Owl Danielle Axelson." sounds kind of awkward. maybe you can take out the comma but I don't know. whatever suits you! Overall, everything was interesting to read! Good luck in getting into Rice!