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Herd Mentality; UT Austin(Part 2) / Issue of Importance



nair 7 / 21  
Dec 20, 2012   #1
Please please tell me and correct me if i did anything wrong. Just be harsh because I want to get in. Thanks.

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

People are adapted to herd mentality. Herd mentality is the social term where human beings from the time of stone age, were collected together for the sense of safety and security. Like a community, they were responsible to protect the people they cared and zeal for. It is the attitude of human beings by using the extended family system. The herd system brings the extended family system in order to form a community of their own. From the time of stone age, kingdoms would prey on other kingdoms. This can be exactly potrayed on men. Men behavioral patterns are such that they would prey on the weaker victims, in this case, weaker sex. Women. Even though we have been involved in several ways to promote equality, the sad truth is many of the man refuse to bow down.

Many of us preach about what we believe in, we believe that this is no longer a conservative society. We believe that we are able to make changes to this world as people are said to be more open to opinions. Even though we have evolved into something greater compared to before, the sad truth is many people try to spread equality yet the amount of people who practiced it is flawed. While we try to propagate these things, the structure in our society still have got to improve on itself. Several woman are constantly getting raped. The latest case that I stumbled upon was the Delhi gang rape case. A twenty-three year old medical student was on the bus and six men took turns to rape her and threw her across the road naked after they were satisfied. The preying on the weaker concept has opened the pathway to an increase rate of human trafficking. This is clearly prejudism. Luckily, today in this modern generation, woman are not giving up. Woman themselves are grouping together to combat the evil prevailing the society.

There is a greater need now for a coordinated effort to protect the rights of woman against these sort of violences. I still recall how I felt when I read the article on "Why Women Should Be Raped". I literally felt like I died a tad inside. The misogynism among men needs to end, and end now. Before anymore fatuous article gets published, we need to show that feminism is not redundant in today's society.

Rape scars a person for life. It gives a traumatic impact on them. It never equates itself by the sentence given out by the government or the justice system. Personal greed, satisfaction and lust have made human beings a subject to exploitation for the greedy, evil minded members of our so called modern society.

Going back to the Amazonian times, there were only two places in the world where woman were treated with high respect which was South America and Russia. Rulers, and fighters were made out of woman. They served themselves in war. This was where the concept of Amazonian woman was delievered whereas men used to sit at home to look after the children.

In the book, Half the sky, there was a quote written by Nicholas Kristoff. "Woman hold up half the sky." . Woman are more capable than what people believe. They can go through despicable length of success if they are given the chance. Rape and chauvinism needs to end and equality needs to begin. Question is, will the mindset of people change?

WilliamWambua 3 / 4  
Dec 20, 2012   #2
It has a lot of grammer mistakes. You should try to edit it first in a Word Processor like Ms-Word before posting it. You have got wrong the plural of woman, which is women, wrongly in most of the essay.

You have also talked about men generally. You should be specific and say men who rape or rapists.

Also for this kind of question, you should also show what you as a person have done to combat it.
maomao315040 3 / 21  
Dec 26, 2012   #3
so what is the impact on you? and you may want to propose how you want to be involved to address the issue?

and you start off with "herd mentality" and you have not done justice to your explanation in first para

sorry I am not good with logic. but that is what I feel. take it with a grain of salt

good luck
sj1912 3 / 18  
Dec 30, 2012   #4
Look im an indian and i knw what ure writing abt...bt d adcoms may not! so i suggest u detail alil abt d incident and a lot abt d reaction of people....also u shud write how dis is important to you! ur nt a journalist fr a newspaper, be personal. the prompt say "why is it significant toyou?"...answer that.40-50% of app on d issue and the rest shud be d impact!! if ure a girl, u cn go abkut dis beautifully nd if ure a boy, u adopt a diff viewpoint nd say hw u r beter and want evryone to be better etc

hope i helped!
yuzec95 3 / 25  
Dec 30, 2012   #5
Many of us preach about what we believe in, we believe that this is no longer a conservative society.

This is a run on sentence.

Rulers, and fighters were made out of woman. They served themselves in war. This was where the concept of Amazonian woman was delievered whereas men used to sit at home to look after the children.

Try and make these sentences more concise. Try and forming into one or two sentences without changing the meaning.
OP nair 7 / 21  
Jan 27, 2013   #6
Hey, thanks for your feedbacks but I have started on a completely different essay and have posted it up. If you have the time, please have a look at it. Means a lot, thanks!


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