Hi, I am applying to UF soon and I would appreciate any help on my essay. I'm not looking to be patronized, I want to know what I can improve on and be yelled at for it.
Here is the essay and topic:
How will your individual background, experiences and personal identity influence your educational pursuits and your contributions to the campus community at the University of Florida?
Growing up in a family where education is fundamental and the absence of a collegiate degree is blasphemous, several values underlie my being and my approach to life. This lifetime of experience has shaped the way I speak, present myself, and the way I think.
My father was raised in an economically stricken home with five brothers and sisters; all who managed to not only complete high school, but also go on to college. His was a hardworking Jewish family from the Bronx who took pride in what they did. My father passed this on to me. On my mother's side, my grandfather was an orphan who grew up in Harlem. He managed to provide for his family through endless hours of trucking and he has also granted me life lessons ; the ability to push past a struggle, to find fairness and justice in an inequitable world, and to become a stronger person for myself and those around me.
My family's stress of education and hard work has wrought changes onto me that most other students do not have. While other students take classes to bolster their college resumes, I chose classes the fit my interest. I was concerned with learning rather than trying to make colleges salivate at my course work. I took subjects that I wanted to learn about; AP psychology, AP art history, two years of computer programming, and debate to name a few. These interests have helped me become more well rounded along with my more straightforward AP classes in math, English, and social studies. My interest of religion also spurred to join both the Christian and Jewish organizations at my school so I could have a wider and more cultural viewpoint. My school has been a haven in this respect, I try to take advantage of all things it has to offer. I was on the varsity basketball team my sophomore and junior years (after having to bow out my freshmen and senior years due to injury), a member of Students for a Democratic Society, and worked for the Broward County School Board as a shot clock operator for sporting events.
These extracurricular activities never got in the way of schoolwork for me, as this was the most important thing. I managed to receive exceptional grades in all of my classes and Advanced Placements tests, including a 5 in Psychology and also in Probability and Statistics. I received a 1340 on my first attempt at the SAT and I hope and readily believe I can improve on my second attempt greatly.
My work ethic may be the reason for my success as a student, but the other values passed on to me by family will affect my experience at UF. This school seems destined for me with it's incredible school spirit, Law program, world renowned teaching staff, and community.
Thanks in advance for the help
Here is the essay and topic:
How will your individual background, experiences and personal identity influence your educational pursuits and your contributions to the campus community at the University of Florida?
Growing up in a family where education is fundamental and the absence of a collegiate degree is blasphemous, several values underlie my being and my approach to life. This lifetime of experience has shaped the way I speak, present myself, and the way I think.
My father was raised in an economically stricken home with five brothers and sisters; all who managed to not only complete high school, but also go on to college. His was a hardworking Jewish family from the Bronx who took pride in what they did. My father passed this on to me. On my mother's side, my grandfather was an orphan who grew up in Harlem. He managed to provide for his family through endless hours of trucking and he has also granted me life lessons ; the ability to push past a struggle, to find fairness and justice in an inequitable world, and to become a stronger person for myself and those around me.
My family's stress of education and hard work has wrought changes onto me that most other students do not have. While other students take classes to bolster their college resumes, I chose classes the fit my interest. I was concerned with learning rather than trying to make colleges salivate at my course work. I took subjects that I wanted to learn about; AP psychology, AP art history, two years of computer programming, and debate to name a few. These interests have helped me become more well rounded along with my more straightforward AP classes in math, English, and social studies. My interest of religion also spurred to join both the Christian and Jewish organizations at my school so I could have a wider and more cultural viewpoint. My school has been a haven in this respect, I try to take advantage of all things it has to offer. I was on the varsity basketball team my sophomore and junior years (after having to bow out my freshmen and senior years due to injury), a member of Students for a Democratic Society, and worked for the Broward County School Board as a shot clock operator for sporting events.
These extracurricular activities never got in the way of schoolwork for me, as this was the most important thing. I managed to receive exceptional grades in all of my classes and Advanced Placements tests, including a 5 in Psychology and also in Probability and Statistics. I received a 1340 on my first attempt at the SAT and I hope and readily believe I can improve on my second attempt greatly.
My work ethic may be the reason for my success as a student, but the other values passed on to me by family will affect my experience at UF. This school seems destined for me with it's incredible school spirit, Law program, world renowned teaching staff, and community.
Thanks in advance for the help