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Journalism - MACAULAY ADMISSION ESSAY: needs proofreading



gcueva26 3 / 4  
Nov 16, 2008   #1
Journalism Essay

Pose an original question and answer it. (500 words or less)

(I'm not sure what question yet but this will be my answer)

Pen and paper; my two most prized possessions. Many say that these are just simple items that can be bought at the corner store. However their price means nothing to me. It's what I can produce with them that does; alone they are simple objects; together they generate a type of beauty that I cherish the most: writing. Writing is my passion. For me, writing is the ability to give others my frame of mind, my contradictions and my beliefs. Writing is like my own infinite street in New York City, filled with tangible opportunities on every corner. Writing is my freedom, my unlimited ticket that takes me beyond any city, country, and continent. It's my reason to become a journalist.

The thrill of working under pressure. The excitement that I get when I learn something new and pass it on to others. The sense of accomplishment when I achieve what others struggle to. These are the feelings I get every time I have to write an article for my school newspaper, when I fulfill my duties as president of Spanish club, and when I win a tennis match for my school team. Writing gives me the pleasure of experiencing the truth and proving to the world that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. This makes my desire to become a journalist stronger than ever. Journalism is more than evaluating and distributing facts, but it is a work of art that allows me to explore deeper into matters that some people might still consider questionable. In my eyes, journalism has become as significant as the traffic lights in the city. When they are functioning correctly, they can stabilize society. When they're not, they create disorder. I am not saying that journalism promotes chaos but the truth it brings can. The power it can have on others opinions makes my heart rush, knowing that one day I can have that power.

My writing gives me outrageous confidence that not many comprehend. It's my way of studying before a test; I rewrite everything. It's my way of communicating with the rest of the world like my family in Peru or my Kenyan Pen Pal. The gift of writing also pushes me towards something greater than I can even imagine. I do not yet know what that something greater could be; perhaps it will lead me hundreds of miles away to the most perilous places in the world. Maybe to a third-world country that inhibits the voice of its people. My writing can give these people a voice. Reporting about their struggle for independence, or even their most glorious days of peace, is what excites me.

Writing helps me keep my hectic life organized. From my daily "To-Do" lists to my long list of places I want to visit, writing keeps me goal-orientated. I set my standards high and do my best to go beyond them. As my mother always tells me, "Desire it, strive for it, achieve it." That has always been my way of seeing life because as a Hispanic minority, I know that I can become much more of what is expected of me. I believe in broadening my horizons in order to develop a diverse mindset. I believe that through writing and through the power of journalism I can achieve this and much more.

Writing is my way of thinking, my way of living. It's how I keep my memories alive in my journal and how express myself through poetry. Writing is who I am and journalism is my future. Much like New York City, my drive to become a journalist will never sleep.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 17, 2008   #2
Make sure that you stick to your topic; I'm not sure what the Spanish Club or tennis has to do with journalism; either link them directly or remove them from the piece altogether.

Make sure you are properly using capitalization; only proper nouns and the first words of sentences should be capitalized. For instance, "Pen Pal" shouldn't be capitalized; neither should "To Do."

Without a prompt it is difficult to see if your piece is a good response to it or not, but if you stay on one single subject throughout the whole piece, it will flow much better. As it is, your audience will continue to try and see what the Spanish club and tennis have to do with your piece. Other than that, you do a good job of explaining your meaning and explaining to your audience how important writing and journalism is to you.
OP gcueva26 3 / 4  
Nov 17, 2008   #3
Thank you for your editing. =]

The assistence I was looking for was just a general overview. Is it a good strong essay? Does it need more thought into it?

The prompt for this essay was "Pose an original question and answer it."
I have not yet decided what question to answer because I am using my College Essay that my English teacher had us do in early October and it was based on any topic of our choice.

Would you be able to help me pose a question?

Thank you again for your help.
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 18, 2008   #4
Good afternoon :)

I think if you rework the essay to stick to your topic it will be much stronger.

Your question could be something to the effect of "What are the most important things essential to your way of life?"

Best of luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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