Short Leadership, academics and creative and performing art essays

Someone, help to review these.

Describe five activities that you have pursued in one or more of the following; -leadership,creative and performing art, academics or sport. Short description of ''50 words each''

''Leadership''

My first leadership role was when I got voted for as the class captain of class two (SS2 ''senior secondary class two''). The role which helped me developed valuable social skills that i believe would makes me fits into the UBC community.

''Academic''

''Excellence performance a gateway to more opportunities'', after I performed excellently in class one, I was giving the opportunity to represent my school in 2011 cowbell mathematics competition. The competition that thought me the effectiveness of time management which I believe is a key to unlock the engineering future ahead.

''creative and performing art''

I played a development role, in a project we exhibited at a yearly project exhibition competition, we prepared some tools used for farming, carrying, and planting using small pieces of metals. The exhibition opens me to world beyond my views which makes me wants to acquire competence in engineering more.

''Leadership''

Reward for hard work was more work, for me during my high school days. After careful evaluation of my overall performances by prefect selection committee, i was selected as labour prefect, the post which added value to my social life and gave me opportunity to inspire students to dream more.

''Academic''

After I had graduated from high school, I received a call from my teacher, asking me to represent the school in ministry of education Physics competition, where i was short listed among the best twelve. The outcome of the competition shows I'm ready for the engineering task and future ahead.

Any grammar clarification?

I offer you more content corrections than grammar errors at this point because you used a lot of fillers and did not adequately discuss the roles you were presented with.


- Use the prefect leadership role instead. That is more impressive to read about.


- You should be describing your academic performance in school rather than in a competition that you cannot fully explain in this portion.


- This is a very weak presentation. It is not impressive at all. I advice you to change it.

You need to add more activities to your list. You are supposed to discuss 5 activities per field at 50 words per activity.Double check the statement requirements.

Thanks for the swift reply.

This is the topic : Describe up to five activities that you have
pursued in one or more of the following
areas:
leadership/group contributions (e.g.,
student government, community activity, family responsibility; involvement in Aboriginal culture or community)
academic achievements (e.g., research project; success in a contest; prize for high
standing)
sports (e.g., team membership;
participation in competitions)
creative and performing arts
work
service to others

and five boxes were provided to fix each short description into.

One box is also provide ''which requires 200words'' to describe one of the activities in detail.

Now, does the write up fits the topic demand? Any suggestion on how to rewrite will be welcome.

Anybody to help review this?

Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above, explaining what your goals were, what you did to pursue them,
the results achieved, and what you learned in the process. 200 words maximum.

On August 2012, i received a call from my teacher after graduating in July 2012, to represent my high school in a state government Physics competition. After the

call i knew that was the last chance to promote the name of the school that had prepared me for the future. On the schedule date, my other class mate

and I went for the competition because two students from each schools was the instruction. We were screened and
accredited before we took the examination. After Three weeks, I received a text that i had been shortlisted for the second stage.
On September 2012, I went for the second stage, on getting to the venue i was amazed seeing only twelve students. That means i was shortlisted among the best twelve students in my state ministry of education physics competition 2012 out of thousands that took the first stage examination.

Though, the second stage of the
competition was the last stage for me as i didn't receive a text for the next stage but my aim and goal for the competition was

fulfilled before i was out and the experience
always worth sharing.