What you learned from working with others? JHU Supplement

Successful students at Johns Hopkins make the biggest impact by collaborating with others, including peers, mentors, and professors. Talk about a time, in or outside the classroom, when you worked with others and what you learned from the experience.

This is the complete question. It would be a great help if somebody could comment on my essay. Does it answer the question? Any suggestion would be welcomed and valuable. I would really appreciate any feedback and help.

our journey - paddling in the water

The essay:

"Why don't you paddle faster?"

"It was the left side that ruined everything, not the right side."

These were the shouts coming from our raft, floating along the Trisuli River. We had just undergone our first rapid (part of the river with high water flow) and were blaming one another.

Just before the start of our journey, the instructor gave us important codes we had to follow. Our group which consisted of 8 people, my closest friends, were to be positioned in either the left or the right side of the raft. When our instructor shouted "reverse paddle", it meant paddling in reverse, "forward paddle" meant paddling forward. Our instructor could give a separate command to either side so we had to be in perfect synchronization.

The first rapid showed us hell. How could we control the raft against the flow of water?

The few minutes of the rapid were a blur and when we finally reached calm water again our instructor was furious. The left side blamed the right side and vice versa.

I had paddled with all my energy and will. Who were they to blame me for not following the instructions? We were furious with each other. The accusations, the betrayal. Were they even my friends?

Why couldn't they understand? I was doing my best. According to my friends, they were doing their best too. If this went on, we couldn't enjoy our ride.

I finally swallowed my pride and declared, "If I am doing something wrong why don't you all tell me. Let's communicate and look at each other."

This seemed to calm the group down. Our instructor had lost all hope but I hadn't. The next rapid was a success. We all shouted instructions to one another, behaved like a proper unit. We adjusted to each other's pace, canceled any mistakes and had fun all along the way. Wet from the water and heart filled with adrenaline, I saw a group and realized the importance of communication. I trusted the judgment of every member and respected their feedback. We knew each other's strength and weakness so we divided the work accordingly.

Anup paddled the best so he showed us some tricks, Bipul showered us with encouragement and motivation. I learned from the group things I could never have learned myself.

And what would you know? We completed the next three rapids with perfection.

... water again, our ... (comma)


This is a little too harsh. Make it something like- was I supposed to trust these people to help me in my troubles ? (something on the lines of this)


Ambiguous. What did you learn? I get what you're saying but its too implicit. Make it a little more obvious

Anupam, you are starting the story from the middle. Give the reviewer a background of the activity first. What is this called? White water rafting? Dragon boat paddling? What? If you give the reviewer a background of the activity and why it is important to you, then the lesson from the story will be clearer and more relevant to the prompt requirements.

Clarify why you decided to take the blame for the imperfect paddling process. Were you the one being blamed by both sides? You need to make that clear. I like the way that you gave realistic emotional descriptions in this essay. It highlights the importance of what was going on and the frustration that you felt when dealing with the group. We all have our off days. mentioning your emotions in such as raw manner is good, specially when dealing with an emotionally charged narrative such as this one.

The lesson that you learned is not very clear though. Why did to realize the importance of communication? Did the group realize the same thing? You trusted the others, but did the others trust you? The discussion should go back to you taking the blame for the failure of the first run, what changed, how things improved and what you learned and what the group learned. There should be an indication of individual and collective lessons learned in the end.

Good presentation though. It was engaging and imaginative. I hope you can keep that up in the revised version.