Music, Libra, Science - Common App// Topic of Choice

Common App/ Topic of my choice

I'm really bad at starting things, must be because I'm a Libra. They say Libras are indecisive and irresolute, and take several different opinions before settling on a final decision. That's probably true because this is my fifteenth time starting this essay. Well, most of those horoscope explanations are so generic, the description can probably match just about anyone. But then again, why do I label myself as a Libra when I know perfectly well the broadness of the horoscope. Why do I confine myself to the identity that is given to me? Since the third grade, I've been "labeled" as the over achieving girl who's always trying to be ahead of the class. I don't know why I let myself fit into the perfect little box society drew for me. There are so many things I didn't know and so many things that I still don't know.

But I'm not all that inexplicable. I wish I was spontaneous, that my life was erratic, but even my passions follow a follow a simple transitive property. If a=b and a=c, then b=c.

Music is life. Those three words are probably the truest words ever said. My dad was the one who really inspired me to learn music. I was five, and at the age where parents enroll their children into every activity possible to keep them busy and out of the house to avoid chaos and havoc. My parents, like other parents, also fell into that "label" of parents who register their kids in a handful of extra curricular classes, and enrolled me in Hindustani Classical Vocal Music with Anupama Dalal. At the time, I had no idea that I would continue it for 11 years to come. Hindustani classical music, originally from India, is probably the most beautiful art form I've ever heard. The frustration I experience when failing countless times at getting the correct the note, the amount of times I confuse the taal (the beat) and the thousands of times I give up because I can't master the song perfectly only augment my passion for music. They say that most people enjoy what they're good at, but music is one thing I'll love no matter my skills in it. No form of communication can express my love for music and I can confidently say that learning Hindustani classical music has made my life worth living.

Music is a Science. Around my sophomore year, I realized how much music and science are interconnected. I mean, I could discuss the mechanics of music and the frequency of the pitch of my voice in relation to how my ear processes the sound, etc, but I feel that there is a much more profound relationship between these two phenomena. Music, for me, is like an experiment; the notes being the variables, and the melody that the combinations create being the result. I know it may seem a little outrageous, but I literally apply the same fundamentals that I do to experimentation to music and improvisation.

During the sixth grade, I started to develop a real interest for science after I met an amazing science fair mentor: Mr. Francis Lee. He was probably the one individual who changed my middle school and high school career. Mr. Lee got me involved in the science fair in 6th grade. I'd say I was one out of the five people in my whole grade doing the fair, and I felt like the nerdiest kid there. Once again, I fit right into that label that was stuck onto me. As I entered high school, I tried numerous clubs and activities, but doing a research project was by far my most favorite extra curricular-and that's when I knew, I had found my niche. Since then, I've done a research project my sophomore and junior year of high school.

Science is life. This past summer, I spent a month at the University of California, Davis as a participant in the COSMOS program. I felt like I fit right in. I was living the life of a med student: going to class everyday in the morning, meeting med students, doing research in a lab. I knew this is what I wanted to be doing my whole life.. From doing experiments in a lab to performing a simulated angioplasty on a mannequin-- this summer has definitely helped me realize that I want to go to med school. Despite all the hardships a med student has to face and all the years of studying one has to go through, I feel that I have what it takes to pursue my goal of being a doctor. I'm committed and responsible, and I know what I need to do; once I set a goal, I do all I can to attain it.

Although my career path may seem clear to me now, I know that as I experience new things, I will choose a different course. I will, no doubt, fall into one of those labels society identifies me with and I will take several different opinions before making any decision. I will make mistakes with the hope of learning from them in the future. I want to live in the moment, and right now, I know I want to go to med school, but who knows where life will take me?

And even after being so sure about my future, I know I will change my mind. Perhaps, because I am a Libra.

Good essay.

Like the way how you structure your essay in accordance to your opening of "If a=b and a=c, then b=c."

Personally, i find that it will be better if you left out the bits on horoscope and Libra. It will make your essay more concise.


Not so sure you should write this in an application essay.

Yes, absolutely, omit the paragraph in which you ramble on about astrology and your difficulty starting things. You needed to write that to get yourself started but, now that it's served its purpose, that paragraph has to go.

Thanks! So, should I get rid of the metaphor connecting me to a Libra, alltogether? Also, how is the content in the paragraphs? Does it show who I am as a person?

Yes. That seems to be the consensus.

I edited the Libra metaphor out. Here is the edited intro:

It never occurred to me that the more I try to understand who I am, the more I stray away from my natural self-the real me. It's always been such a challenge for me to figure myself out. Why do I do what I do? What got me to where I am today?

At the culmination of my junior year, I came to a realization, an epiphany. I realized that I didn't need to understand the intricacies of my personality. Rather, I was able to formulate my actions, as I came to understand that it was the cultivation of my interests which defined who I was. As much as I wanted my life to be spontaneous or nonlinear, it became apparent that even my passions followed an effortless, simple transitive property: if a=b and a=c, then b=c.

PLEASE CRITIQUE. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. :)

Also, can I get some comments on the body paragraphs? Thank you!!!

On the introduction you could make clear what the topic of the essay is, and mention the main points of the support paragraphs, like Music is...such, music is...that, and so on.

Imagine it as a song, a song has a number of instruments that play together and they sound as a song; an essay is the same thing, it is all linked together to become a piece of information, a story.

I'm not sure if I agree with dccb. I think the format of your essay is definitely unique, with the transitive property guiding the format; it's a clever format to use but the reader (admissions officer) sort of has to figure out your message by him/herself. The points come together at the end nicely, though. I think in this case it may be okay to omit the classic introduction.

I mean, I could discuss the mechanics of music and the frequency of the pitch of my voice in relation to how my ear processes the sound...

During the sixth grade, I started to develop a real interest forin science

As I entered high school, I tried numerous clubs and activities, but doing a research project was by far my most favorite extra curricular-and that's when I knew, I had found my niche.

There are just some little things like above that you could eliminate (fluff words, etc)

Hi guys,

I've rewritten the essay (edited out the Libra metaphor and changed some of the body paragraphs)

PLEASEEEEE comment. I really need the feedback! thanks guys!

--------

It never occurred to me that the more I try to understand who I am, the more I stray away from my natural self-the real me. It's always been such a challenge for me to figure myself out. Why do I do what I do? What got me to where I am today? The fact that I wasn't able to answer these rhetorical questions perturbed me.

At the culmination of my junior year, I came to a realization, an epiphany. I realized that I didn't need to understand the intricacies of my personality. Rather, I was able to formulate my actions, as I came to understand that it was the cultivation of my interests which defined who I was. As much as I wanted my life to be spontaneous or nonlinear, I began to realize that even my passions followed an effortless, simple transitive property: if a=b and a=c, then b=c.

Music is life. Ironically, my initial exposure to music was through my parent's exercising their authority. I was five years old and my dad enrolled me in Hindustani Classical Music with Anupama Dalal. As I entered the first day of class, I had no notion of what I was getting myself into. Hindustani classical vocal music is one of the most melodic and uplifting art forms, but also one of the most difficult. Not only does this form of singing require a knack for taal (beat) and sur (tune) but it also is also heavily dependent on the culture, with each lyric conveying a certain aspect of the Indian tradition. The more complex it got, the more motivated I was to try harder. The frustration I experience when failing countless times at getting the correct note, the amount of times I confuse the taal (the beat) and the thousands of times I give up because I can't master the song perfectly only augment my passion for music. So, it's probably not a coincidence that this will be my 12th year studying the art of Hindustani classical music. They say that most people enjoy what they're good at, but music is one thing I'll love no matter my skills in it.

Music is a Science. Combining the laws of physics and biology, music is indeed a science. However, I feel that there is a much more profound relationship between these two phenomena. Music, for me, is like an experiment; the notes being the variables, and the melody that the combinations create being the result. It's simply beautiful the way that I am able to apply the same fundamentals to both musical creation and scientific experimentation.

My interest in science first peaked when I was in middle school, and I was one of the few girls doing the science fair. I owe my involvement in science, once again, to my father, who convinced me that it would be a great learning experience. Of course, it was much more than that. Because I got the opportunity to go to the California state fair in middle school, I was encouraged to continue this rewarding activity in high school. Thinking of a novel idea, then formulating a procedure, and finally conducting the experiment was quite challenging for me in the beginning. As I researched to a greater extent, my curiosity amazed me and I found the vast range of knowledge beyond my AP biology lab intriguing. At that point, my hobby, consisting of reading science magazines and researching occasionally, transformed into a passion. I devoted several hours after school each week completing my experiment, and my toil and hard work came to fruition when I got to represent my school at the statewide and international level.

Science is life. This past summer, I spent a month at the University of California, Davis as a participant in the COSMOS program studying the biomedical sciences. I felt like I fit right in. I was living the life of a med student: going to class everyday in the morning, meeting med students, doing research in a lab. I knew this is what I wanted to be doing my whole life. From doing experiments in a lab to performing a simulated angioplasty on a mannequin-- this summer has definitely helped me realize that I want to go to med school. Despite all the hardships a med student has to face and all the years of studying one has to go through, I feel that I have what it takes to pursue my goal of being a doctor. I'm committed and responsible, and I know what I need to do; once I set a goal, I do all I can to attain it.

Although I may not be able to decipher my purpose in life or who I am, I've realized that it is experience and commitment that builds character. I've dedicated my entire life to music and a lot of time since middle school to science. My two passions seem to complement each other, as one's strength can be applied to the other's weakness. The relationship between music and science is blissful, idyllic even. Almost like a DNA strand, where one strand is music and one is science and together, they form the double helix that defines not only who I am, but also who I want to become.

Rhetorical questions are questions made merely for a persuasive effect, and aren't meant to be literally answered. The question of your identity is probably not a rhetorical question!

As for "cultivation of your interests," I'm not sure cultivation is the right word, unless you mean you grew your interests, and that development of your interests define you. But I suspect you mean that your interests and activities, holistically, define who you are. In that case, I'd use "sum" or "aggregate" of your interests, not cultivation.

Also, while the act of realizing this epiphany did happen in the past, the truth of your realization is still true (at least, I hope so). Therefore, consider writing it in the present tense to emphasize the immutability of your epiphany.

I realized that I don't need to understand the intricacies of my personality. Rather, I am able to formulate my actions, as I came to understand that it is the cultivation of my interests that define who I am.

I'd also strike out ", I was able to formulate my actions, as" . It makes the whole sentence awkwardly long, and is basically what you mean when you say it is your interests that make you you.


I really like the use of the transitive property; it works to make your essay feel powerful. But your in your Music is a Science paragraph, too little work is done actually supporting your claim that music is a science. The gist about the notes being variables and the melody being the result is something I don't buy because in an experiment, you don't actively change the variables or combine them to produce a desired result.

And just because I'm nitpicky, I wouldn't capitalize "science" in "Music is a Science." You didn't capitalize it anywhere else.

thank you so much for all your comments.

im still not sure if I should explicitly state the transitive property, and what it means in the intro paragraphs

or should I leave it for the admin officers to figure out themselves?

Where are you applying? -- that's the question. This free-flowing, quirky meditation is perfect for some schools but would be disastrous for others.

what schools would it be disastrous for?

Any engineering school, for example. You've demonstrated yourself to be a dreamy free-thinker with a bent for both arts and science. Some schools will love, just love, that. But any school that favors regimented thinking over free-form exploration is not going to be charmed by the introductory passages.

You want to go to med school. That's nice. Why do you then ramble on about music for the first half of the essay? I suppose a better question might be "what do you want this essay to say about you?" I can think of several possible answers a reader might leap to:

1. You're indecisive.
2. You like music.
3. Your grasp of logic is horrible. (Your syllogism, while actually a nice rhetorical device, makes the rational part of me cringe.)
4. You like to ramble.
5. You're probably very interesting to talk to.

Some of the above are good, some not so much. Absolutely none of them make you a very good candidate for university in general or a degree program aimed at getting you into med school in particular. At most, you might get a bit of credit for #5, from those who, like Simone, appreciate the creativity of your approach. So, do you want to go with an essay that highlights no relevant qualities of yours and that will appeal only to people with very particular tastes, which may or may not be shared by the admissions officers who read it? If, so, great. Otherwise, you might want to try a different approach.

The main point of this essay is to convey how my passions have helped define who I am, and who I want to become.

Also, Sean, I got rid of the indecisive bit in the revised essay.