Hi,
Written below is my personal essay for common app and I would appreciate any feedback coming from the community.
Personal Essay: 1. Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
As North Korea's future leader Kim Jong-un made his debut before the world's media on the morning of 10th October 2010, standing beside him was his father, Kim Jong-il. Both watched as the country's largest-ever military parade marched past, young soldiers kicking their legs up high and turning their heads proudly to face the VIP balcony.
Three years ago, my family and I travelled to South Korea for a holiday. My memories recount that it was a beautiful country, with tremendously polite citizens and a vibrant culture. Throughout my experience there, I had the opportunity to converse with my South Korean tour guide who spoke smatterings of English and learnt much about the country's culture during the long bus rides between destinations. However, there was one occasion in which I distinctly remember broaching the subject regarding the relationship between the two Korean factions. His face immediately furrowed into a sad frown, as he recounted the needlessness of the Korean War and the many lives that were lost in the process. I was deeply saddened by his description of the typical North Korean citizen and the hardships they endured on a daily basis; hence, upon reaching home, I made a concerted effort to read up on material related to the topic.
North Korea, while officially a socialist republic, is essentially a totalitarian dictatorship. Excessive political, social and economic restrictions are firmly enforced to its people's detriment and a number of international human rights organisations accuse it of having one of the worst human rights records of any nation.
For example, North Koreans sent to prison camps for crimes committed against the regime are subjected to torture and inhumane treatment. The prisoners are forced to undertake physically demanding work such as stone quarrying and mountain logging for up to ten hours a day, seven days a week. They are punished if suspected of lying, not working hard enough or forgetting the words of patriotic songs through a combination of beatings, forced exercise, and starvation. As a result, many of them fall ill or die in custody.
Starvation is also rampant throughout the country. According to the World Food Programme in March 2009, only 2 million people were able to receive food assistance out of the 6.2 million targeted by its emergency operation in 2008. Despite this, food is still largely allocated with priority attributed to the military and high-ranking government officials. Food shortages exacerbated by inappropriate governmental policies have intensified over the course of 2010, with reports of North Koreans being forced to survive on a diet of grass and tree bark. Despite these food shortages reaching critical levels, the government has not sought international assistance in ensuring minimum essential levels of food for its population.
Yet, these are but two of the extensive problems that exists within this backward country of self-sufficiency. As a dedicated advocate of human rights, I find this an unacceptable situation on many fronts.
A strict adherence to international standards should be applied and immediate action undertaken to stop the use of forced labour, torture, and ill-treatment of North Korean prisoners. In a local context, while corporal punishment is legal under Singaporean law, it is meted out in the form of judicial caning to deserved male delinquents. However, our prisoners are neither mistreated nor subjected to forced labour. While retaining an impartial judiciary system, hospitable accomodation is provided in prison and every individual is accorded his/her basic human rights.
Immediate and unobstructed access should also be granted to the World Food Programme to ensure that food reaches those most in need. In Singapore, we have enjoyed virtually full employment for long periods of time. We also have the third highest gross domestic product per capita in the world, and while this does not directly relate with the food shortages North Korea is facing, it implies that North Korea has the potential to implement effective governmental policies that would solve its nation's domestic problems. Its industrialised, near-autarkic, centralised command economy highly restricts international trade, which does nothing to improve its current situation.
I am a firm believer in both democracy and meritocracy, both of which are greatly lacking in North Korea. It is alarming that in this day and age, their citizens are still being deprived of their basic human rights, such as freedom of expression and right to food.
I am a little unsure as to how I can end my essay. I am also a tad afraid as to whether I have made it personal enough since I have identified an international concern as my topic.
As mentioned above, Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Written below is my personal essay for common app and I would appreciate any feedback coming from the community.
Personal Essay: 1. Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
As North Korea's future leader Kim Jong-un made his debut before the world's media on the morning of 10th October 2010, standing beside him was his father, Kim Jong-il. Both watched as the country's largest-ever military parade marched past, young soldiers kicking their legs up high and turning their heads proudly to face the VIP balcony.
Three years ago, my family and I travelled to South Korea for a holiday. My memories recount that it was a beautiful country, with tremendously polite citizens and a vibrant culture. Throughout my experience there, I had the opportunity to converse with my South Korean tour guide who spoke smatterings of English and learnt much about the country's culture during the long bus rides between destinations. However, there was one occasion in which I distinctly remember broaching the subject regarding the relationship between the two Korean factions. His face immediately furrowed into a sad frown, as he recounted the needlessness of the Korean War and the many lives that were lost in the process. I was deeply saddened by his description of the typical North Korean citizen and the hardships they endured on a daily basis; hence, upon reaching home, I made a concerted effort to read up on material related to the topic.
North Korea, while officially a socialist republic, is essentially a totalitarian dictatorship. Excessive political, social and economic restrictions are firmly enforced to its people's detriment and a number of international human rights organisations accuse it of having one of the worst human rights records of any nation.
For example, North Koreans sent to prison camps for crimes committed against the regime are subjected to torture and inhumane treatment. The prisoners are forced to undertake physically demanding work such as stone quarrying and mountain logging for up to ten hours a day, seven days a week. They are punished if suspected of lying, not working hard enough or forgetting the words of patriotic songs through a combination of beatings, forced exercise, and starvation. As a result, many of them fall ill or die in custody.
Starvation is also rampant throughout the country. According to the World Food Programme in March 2009, only 2 million people were able to receive food assistance out of the 6.2 million targeted by its emergency operation in 2008. Despite this, food is still largely allocated with priority attributed to the military and high-ranking government officials. Food shortages exacerbated by inappropriate governmental policies have intensified over the course of 2010, with reports of North Koreans being forced to survive on a diet of grass and tree bark. Despite these food shortages reaching critical levels, the government has not sought international assistance in ensuring minimum essential levels of food for its population.
Yet, these are but two of the extensive problems that exists within this backward country of self-sufficiency. As a dedicated advocate of human rights, I find this an unacceptable situation on many fronts.
A strict adherence to international standards should be applied and immediate action undertaken to stop the use of forced labour, torture, and ill-treatment of North Korean prisoners. In a local context, while corporal punishment is legal under Singaporean law, it is meted out in the form of judicial caning to deserved male delinquents. However, our prisoners are neither mistreated nor subjected to forced labour. While retaining an impartial judiciary system, hospitable accomodation is provided in prison and every individual is accorded his/her basic human rights.
Immediate and unobstructed access should also be granted to the World Food Programme to ensure that food reaches those most in need. In Singapore, we have enjoyed virtually full employment for long periods of time. We also have the third highest gross domestic product per capita in the world, and while this does not directly relate with the food shortages North Korea is facing, it implies that North Korea has the potential to implement effective governmental policies that would solve its nation's domestic problems. Its industrialised, near-autarkic, centralised command economy highly restricts international trade, which does nothing to improve its current situation.
I am a firm believer in both democracy and meritocracy, both of which are greatly lacking in North Korea. It is alarming that in this day and age, their citizens are still being deprived of their basic human rights, such as freedom of expression and right to food.
I am a little unsure as to how I can end my essay. I am also a tad afraid as to whether I have made it personal enough since I have identified an international concern as my topic.
As mentioned above, Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks!