'opportunity to head overseas' - FSU essay, I have a start

This year's essay is described below and should be no longer than 500 words.

FSU has always been regarded as a top university, consisting of outstanding teachers, students and a surrounding community. The characteristic that appeals to me the most that comes along with this university is learning.

As a child I always connected learning with strictly school related things. But as I have grown, I have come to realize learning is involved in every aspect of my life. Knowing FSU embraces learning it would be a perfect place to allow me to continue learning new things each day to become a better person and student. Attending FSU would mean I would have to learn a new way of living. That includes everything from learning to manage time better, making all of my meals and making sure I always have the right supplies to help me succeed. Of course the most important learning will be done in the classrooms as I would continue my education. My advancements in life will allow me to help not only allow FSU become a better school but also the surrounding community.

In the past couple year I have learned two of the most important things in my life, how important being a responsible young man is and how to try my hardest in everything I attempt to do. At FSU I would have the opportunity to continue learning these life lessons as well as many others. Being the oldest of four children, I have to be a good role model and make the right decisions. Those decisions might not always be the most exciting things, but they are the responsible and right thing to do. This attitude would benefit me greatly at FSU, allowing me to have my priorities in order and represent the university in the best way possible.

Nothing important in life is easily achieved. Striving to be the best is something I have learned to work for. I have played baseball my entire life; I was always was a decent player but never the best. Through ought middle school, and my freshman and sophomore year of high school I was always told I was not good enough to play varsity baseball. Wanting to prove everyone wrong and become the best player I could be, I worked as hard as I could during the summer and made the varsity the following year. Now as a senior, I am the top pitcher of my team as well as the captain. This mentality will only grow at FSU and make an important impact.

Attending FSU would be a life changing opportunity and a great place for me to continue to grow. I would love and hope to become a nole!!

good choice on the college im planning on going there to, but what i did notice you not really talking about learning and how it affects you try to discuss that more.

but you are telling them why FSU will help you to increase your ability in learning...
GOOD JOB SO FAR...!!!

Thanks, i will try to add that to it

Try discussing what you can contribute to the college. Try not to discuss the college since the admissions already know about their school.

As the above poster said, try not talking about the college, they know all there is to know about it already. Its not your job to tell them about the college, its your job to tell them why YOU are right for the school or what YOU can offer.

I remember when I used to do that, my teacher would say that its not my job to write a college brochure.

At the beginning of the second paragraph you mentioned how you "connected learning with strictly school related things", I would suggest elaborating on it, if you can. Take the reader on an experience where you were learning something outside of school that wasn't school related.

As it pertains to global awareness, can you cite an example where FSU students displaying this characteristic, eg. from an college newspaper article or alumni newsletter. Add that to what you have already and i think it will help.

Good luck!!!!!!! hope I was helpful

Just talk a bit more about yourself, which what they want to see your about. I like your idea

okay ill do that