Plz help me to proofread and edit this essay.
Do I need to cut it short? It is > 1000w, but I hope to cut it to < 1000w.
Are the intro and conclusion paragraphs fit with the content?
Lots of thanks!
"Do you have anything to say to these amiable kids", the smiling MC asked me. Still dizzying by children waving their small hands and patrons' gentle nods all the way I got to the stage, I became almost speechless, uttering some confusing sentences. Still, it came back vividly in my mind every time the following warm applause from our little audience for the beautiful clip and its producers. Three years have passed, and I'm here to recall...
It was a rainy afternoon in May when I ran into an announcement about recruitment for a volunteer performance for the poor and homeless children at XYZ village. That program was held by Big Party Organization, or BPO, to celebrate the approaching International Children's Day. Everybody was encouraged to sign up for various positions and contribute both material and spiritual values to the show.
Hardly could I figure out what audacious ghost possessed my mind at that time. Scarcely had I played a leading role before; then why was I registering to take charge of such a huge part in the program: making a short video clip for the unlucky children? I thought it was the images of the poor orphans at XYZ village - innocent smiles, fragile souls, suffering a dearth of food, clothes, facility and, more importantly, parental love - that urged me a prompt attempt. Was there a more meaningful and worthwhile activity to dedicate my time and energy to?
Instantly, I started to work on the plot of the video. My ideas first generated both extolment and criticism. Thus, I carefully edited the script: simple scenario, unbiased language. I put much effort on balancing the diet, add adequate amount of spicy humor to serious content, and elaborating its overall theme. The short video should convey the message of the adolescence, showing our compassion and concern for the unfortunate children. The more I dug into the world of the orphans, the more I appreciated the beautiful life I'm lucky to have. Eventually, I won the assent of the steering committee and headed towards official filming.
Unfortunately, the incessant rain of early summer precluded BPO from meetings. Regardless, I rode my bicycle around the town, looking for appropriate settings. By the time the annoying rain started to cease, I had had mobilized a volunteer group of actors through BPO as well as picked up some of the most picturesque sights in accordance to the purpose. The day for filming was due.
I barely slept the previous night. A twist of excitement and anxiety crawled into my nerves and dominated all the senses. In fact, I had a few experiences of co-directing video clips at school. They taught me that it was already hard to organize a group of people with long time mutual understanding. Then how tough it would be to assign proper tasks to those whose ability and characteristics remained unrevealed - my partners and I had never met in person!
I woke up the next morning with an immediate threat of adrenaline running through my body. The heart pumped hastily before I could diagnose the cause. A glimpse through the open window calmed it down: the sky was clear and sun illuminated the wide scenes. "At least there is no rain or any sign that it will!" I assured myself.
As bright and serene as that morning, I got to the avenue to see about twenty freshmen turning up. To my amazement, they were all friendly and buoyant. A sudden shudder ran across my backbone: "What if I fail to meet their expectations? What if they laugh at my plot? What if I cannot balance the individualism and collective harmony?" Those intimidating "what if" upset my stomach, paving the way for nausea (at least I feared so).
Confused as I was, after a brief introduction, I arranged quick and intimate interviews with the candidates, testing their experience and relevance for the roles. [A] and [B], two students from a neighboring school, deeply impressed me with their sincerity and enthusiasm. Therefore, I chose them to play the protagonists while others would appear as extras. Right then, the whole cast and crew rushed into highly attentive but comfortable working atmosphere.
The tension that had been haunting me from the beginning gradually languished and was supplanted by hesitant alacrity and high-leveled determination. The team quickly caught the spirit of the video. I gradually perceive how common concerns connected strange and even largely different people; how the staff's zealous effort truly carried me off my feet. We applied our entire mind and strength to cover the heavy workload. There were shots that needed filming and re-filming many times until absolute satisfaction, clothes changing and details revising to take full advantage of the performers and sceneries. I remember running relentlessly around, shouting loudly to give directions to my actors. We worked as if we had been anticipating an Oscar prize.
The salty sweat and weariness sought in vain for a passage to suppress the inspiring euphoria waving inside my soul. Laughter echoed endlessly in the open air, and grin spread across every single face. [C], my cameraman, blinked to me cheerfully at the end of the day, "The kids must be fancying this clip!"
It was late when I reached home that evening. Yet, not until later was I conscious that it would take time for my voice to return and my feet to recover. Only a sweet stream of thorough pride and satisfaction followed me to sound sleep.
"The best way to pursue happiness is to help other people," George Lucas, the popular founder of Lucasfilm, once said. "Because there's nothing else that will make you happier." I was not sure if I had actually done something for the hapless children; however, there was no doubt that the kids' radiant faces, more than the Chinese doll I received from my parents or the large bag of candy my sister presented me (pretty childish now that I am looking back), truly brightened that special June 1st of mine. Next time, when offered a chance to navigate even a huge ship, I would willingly take along my little ability and great enthusiasm, step out of the house and heartily enjoy the secret of luck.
Most good luck comes through other people!
Do I need to cut it short? It is > 1000w, but I hope to cut it to < 1000w.
Are the intro and conclusion paragraphs fit with the content?
Lots of thanks!
"Do you have anything to say to these amiable kids", the smiling MC asked me. Still dizzying by children waving their small hands and patrons' gentle nods all the way I got to the stage, I became almost speechless, uttering some confusing sentences. Still, it came back vividly in my mind every time the following warm applause from our little audience for the beautiful clip and its producers. Three years have passed, and I'm here to recall...
It was a rainy afternoon in May when I ran into an announcement about recruitment for a volunteer performance for the poor and homeless children at XYZ village. That program was held by Big Party Organization, or BPO, to celebrate the approaching International Children's Day. Everybody was encouraged to sign up for various positions and contribute both material and spiritual values to the show.
Hardly could I figure out what audacious ghost possessed my mind at that time. Scarcely had I played a leading role before; then why was I registering to take charge of such a huge part in the program: making a short video clip for the unlucky children? I thought it was the images of the poor orphans at XYZ village - innocent smiles, fragile souls, suffering a dearth of food, clothes, facility and, more importantly, parental love - that urged me a prompt attempt. Was there a more meaningful and worthwhile activity to dedicate my time and energy to?
Instantly, I started to work on the plot of the video. My ideas first generated both extolment and criticism. Thus, I carefully edited the script: simple scenario, unbiased language. I put much effort on balancing the diet, add adequate amount of spicy humor to serious content, and elaborating its overall theme. The short video should convey the message of the adolescence, showing our compassion and concern for the unfortunate children. The more I dug into the world of the orphans, the more I appreciated the beautiful life I'm lucky to have. Eventually, I won the assent of the steering committee and headed towards official filming.
Unfortunately, the incessant rain of early summer precluded BPO from meetings. Regardless, I rode my bicycle around the town, looking for appropriate settings. By the time the annoying rain started to cease, I had had mobilized a volunteer group of actors through BPO as well as picked up some of the most picturesque sights in accordance to the purpose. The day for filming was due.
I barely slept the previous night. A twist of excitement and anxiety crawled into my nerves and dominated all the senses. In fact, I had a few experiences of co-directing video clips at school. They taught me that it was already hard to organize a group of people with long time mutual understanding. Then how tough it would be to assign proper tasks to those whose ability and characteristics remained unrevealed - my partners and I had never met in person!
I woke up the next morning with an immediate threat of adrenaline running through my body. The heart pumped hastily before I could diagnose the cause. A glimpse through the open window calmed it down: the sky was clear and sun illuminated the wide scenes. "At least there is no rain or any sign that it will!" I assured myself.
As bright and serene as that morning, I got to the avenue to see about twenty freshmen turning up. To my amazement, they were all friendly and buoyant. A sudden shudder ran across my backbone: "What if I fail to meet their expectations? What if they laugh at my plot? What if I cannot balance the individualism and collective harmony?" Those intimidating "what if" upset my stomach, paving the way for nausea (at least I feared so).
Confused as I was, after a brief introduction, I arranged quick and intimate interviews with the candidates, testing their experience and relevance for the roles. [A] and [B], two students from a neighboring school, deeply impressed me with their sincerity and enthusiasm. Therefore, I chose them to play the protagonists while others would appear as extras. Right then, the whole cast and crew rushed into highly attentive but comfortable working atmosphere.
The tension that had been haunting me from the beginning gradually languished and was supplanted by hesitant alacrity and high-leveled determination. The team quickly caught the spirit of the video. I gradually perceive how common concerns connected strange and even largely different people; how the staff's zealous effort truly carried me off my feet. We applied our entire mind and strength to cover the heavy workload. There were shots that needed filming and re-filming many times until absolute satisfaction, clothes changing and details revising to take full advantage of the performers and sceneries. I remember running relentlessly around, shouting loudly to give directions to my actors. We worked as if we had been anticipating an Oscar prize.
The salty sweat and weariness sought in vain for a passage to suppress the inspiring euphoria waving inside my soul. Laughter echoed endlessly in the open air, and grin spread across every single face. [C], my cameraman, blinked to me cheerfully at the end of the day, "The kids must be fancying this clip!"
It was late when I reached home that evening. Yet, not until later was I conscious that it would take time for my voice to return and my feet to recover. Only a sweet stream of thorough pride and satisfaction followed me to sound sleep.
"The best way to pursue happiness is to help other people," George Lucas, the popular founder of Lucasfilm, once said. "Because there's nothing else that will make you happier." I was not sure if I had actually done something for the hapless children; however, there was no doubt that the kids' radiant faces, more than the Chinese doll I received from my parents or the large bag of candy my sister presented me (pretty childish now that I am looking back), truly brightened that special June 1st of mine. Next time, when offered a chance to navigate even a huge ship, I would willingly take along my little ability and great enthusiasm, step out of the house and heartily enjoy the secret of luck.
Most good luck comes through other people!
