Hi, everyone. I'm new here :)
This is my "why Bates" essay, and I really need to be hurry !!!
I'm a typical student from Japan, not from intl school, so I really need someone to check my essay. My ALT said that red part should be erased, cause it's too much for "one or two paragraphs" essay. but I guess it's the part I can show my self to admissions. what do you think?
I appreciate any comments/criticisms/suggestions !!! Please !!!
I'll post other my essays soon, I really appreciate if you check them, too. Thank you :)
How did you discover Bates? Why do you wish to attend Bates?
"Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air; they are where they should be. Now, put the foundations under them." This is my favorite phrase by Henry D. Threau. Whenever I shrink from a big challenge, I've always remembered these words and tried to move forward to meet it step by step. One day, I was surprised to read on a web page, saying that Bates College was in Maine, where Threau loved to visit. I felt it was a fateful encounter for me --- always keeping his words in my mind, being eager to understand the power and the wonder of nature. Although "Bates" was struck in my mind, I didn't decide to go there for only this reason. However, over the last year, I've gradually been convinced that where I should go is not one of the hundreds of other colleges, just Bates.
Bates, I believe, is the best place for me to seek and enhance my strengths and potential. Its great environment --- small class sizes, a great dormitory life, and a close relationship between students and professors --- are telling me that they will certainly help me to achieve my own goals which are to move myself higher and to broaden my out look world. However, what especially swayed me to make the final decision was that it has given students lots of opportunities to seek a new world for each individuals since its foundation. I believe that Bates has been a home for thousands of people who have various backgrounds where they can conduct discussions openly and enthusiastically. Environment which enables me to live and interact with students who also come to seek diverse international experiences is exactly what I want. It was when I visited Taiwan that I realized keenly how important it was to see the world from various angles. As a member of Japanese High School Student Delegation, I luckily met Lee Teng-hui, the former president of Taiwan. Listening to his talk about the history of Taiwan and Japan, I was shocked to realize that what I had learned was not the whole fact, but only one aspect of it. I realized that notionally I've never stepped out from Japan, where people share almost one culture, one language, and one perspective compared to other countries. Since then, I've been eager to experience different sense of values, and to learn how to view truth or justice in this global society. I am certainly sure that it is at Bates where I can seek, and find, what I need to be a full fledged cosmopolitan. I would be very interested in applying for the study abroad program which is one of the unique and attractive options that Bates offers if I were to be accepted. That experience would enable me to learn how to see the world in a different way; that is, a way which I wouldn't be able to see from life with Bates' international community alone. It would be a great honor to be able to achieve my goals at Bates college, where I will be able to "put the foundations under my castles".
This is my "why Bates" essay, and I really need to be hurry !!!
I'm a typical student from Japan, not from intl school, so I really need someone to check my essay. My ALT said that red part should be erased, cause it's too much for "one or two paragraphs" essay. but I guess it's the part I can show my self to admissions. what do you think?
I appreciate any comments/criticisms/suggestions !!! Please !!!
I'll post other my essays soon, I really appreciate if you check them, too. Thank you :)
How did you discover Bates? Why do you wish to attend Bates?
"Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air; they are where they should be. Now, put the foundations under them." This is my favorite phrase by Henry D. Threau. Whenever I shrink from a big challenge, I've always remembered these words and tried to move forward to meet it step by step. One day, I was surprised to read on a web page, saying that Bates College was in Maine, where Threau loved to visit. I felt it was a fateful encounter for me --- always keeping his words in my mind, being eager to understand the power and the wonder of nature. Although "Bates" was struck in my mind, I didn't decide to go there for only this reason. However, over the last year, I've gradually been convinced that where I should go is not one of the hundreds of other colleges, just Bates.
Bates, I believe, is the best place for me to seek and enhance my strengths and potential. Its great environment --- small class sizes, a great dormitory life, and a close relationship between students and professors --- are telling me that they will certainly help me to achieve my own goals which are to move myself higher and to broaden my out look world. However, what especially swayed me to make the final decision was that it has given students lots of opportunities to seek a new world for each individuals since its foundation. I believe that Bates has been a home for thousands of people who have various backgrounds where they can conduct discussions openly and enthusiastically. Environment which enables me to live and interact with students who also come to seek diverse international experiences is exactly what I want. It was when I visited Taiwan that I realized keenly how important it was to see the world from various angles. As a member of Japanese High School Student Delegation, I luckily met Lee Teng-hui, the former president of Taiwan. Listening to his talk about the history of Taiwan and Japan, I was shocked to realize that what I had learned was not the whole fact, but only one aspect of it. I realized that notionally I've never stepped out from Japan, where people share almost one culture, one language, and one perspective compared to other countries. Since then, I've been eager to experience different sense of values, and to learn how to view truth or justice in this global society. I am certainly sure that it is at Bates where I can seek, and find, what I need to be a full fledged cosmopolitan. I would be very interested in applying for the study abroad program which is one of the unique and attractive options that Bates offers if I were to be accepted. That experience would enable me to learn how to see the world in a different way; that is, a way which I wouldn't be able to see from life with Bates' international community alone. It would be a great honor to be able to achieve my goals at Bates college, where I will be able to "put the foundations under my castles".