It started with an asthma attack. Personal statement for medicine course.

Please give me some advice on areas of improvement. THANKS IN ADVANCE <3

vulnerable human body

It was about 12AM midnight when I was lying on the bed gasping for air, feeling exhausted, helpless and fearful.
I had an asthma attack. A doctor and nurses came rushing towards my bed and in an instant, I was given 10 puffs from an inhaler to help me breathe more easily. Until now, I still deeply appreciate and respect those who had cared for me during my hospitalisation 13 years ago. Due to my health condition, the number of healthcare workers who have rendered help to me is innumerable. Hence, I'm inspired to pass on their kindness by serving as part of the healthcare team. Furthermore, understanding at first-hand about how one cannot really do much with an unhealthy body has driven me to pursue medicine.

My interest in science started in secondary school and I was particularly intrigued by the workings of human body systems. A trip to the National Kidney Foundation centre gave me the opportunity to witness the hardships of kidney patients as they need to depend their lives on dialysis. That is when the importance of each and every organ to human health has struck me and improving human health became a goal of mine.

Being curious in the function of various first aid equipment, I was prompted to join Red Cross Humanitarian Network (RCHN) as a CCA in junior college. Joining RCHN has not only allowed me to acquire basic first aid skills, but also given me huge gratification from treating casualties. To enhance my first aid skills, I participated in the national First Aid Championships 2016 with my CCA teammates. This competition has provided me with valuable insights into the value of teamwork, resource allocation and quick decision-making in any emergencies.

My most heart-warming volunteering experience is during the First Aider on Wheels sessions at East Coast Park. There, I was able to work with other compassionate volunteers and I personally felt the joy of giving when casualties expressed gratitude for my help. Gradually, I have developed a strong desire to help those in need. This desire, coupled with my enthusiasm in better understanding the mechanism of human body systems, have shaped my aspiration of becoming a doctor, in order to do more than just basic first aid for people. As a RCHN member, I was able to develop my communication and cooperative skills, which I believe are the elements that make a good doctor.

Having a taste of how fulfilling it is feeling appreciated by others, I'm motivated to gain further knowledge about the human body and apply it to serve humanity. I also believe that I can persevere in the arduous journey of becoming a doctor using people's gratitude as my source of motivation and satisfaction. I hope that by studying medicine in ___, I can realise my dream of having a fulfilling career and contributing towards better human health as a doctor. I'm prepared to shoulder the responsibility as I gain the power to heal.

Hello Jasmin I think the two starting paragraphs are confusing it is unclear as to which between the two events gave you the inspiration to pursue a career in Medicen/human health.

I think you should rewrite and clarify which motivated you, is it your medical emergencey 13 years ago or is it your experience with Kidney patients?

Min, the anecdote that you are sharing in the beginning requires more focus. While your asthma attack is notable, it is not the kind of life altering medical situation that could cause you to decide on a medical career. What happened to you 13 years ago? Was it something more serious that you can use to take the place of the weak anecdote? If the two are actually connected, then you need to come up with a better reason for desiring a career in medicine. An Asthma attack just isn't as impressive as say, recovering from an injury or overcoming a serious illness with the help of the medical practitioners. Remember, the opening statement is the underlying foundation of the personal statement. The image or motivation for your studies must be presented in a clear and convincing manner in that paragraph. Failure to do so will be hard to recover from in the succeeding essays. The rest of the background information definitely shows the progression of your interest in relation to your personal desire to become a physician. I was just expecting to read something about the kind of physician that you hope to become in the future. After all, you are talking about becoming a doctor. So you must have a medical field in mind to specialize in. Try to include something about that in the personal statement.

@ JoyK

I find it difficult choosing which specific experience made me to want to become a doctor as it's a combination of all these encounters throughout my life that slowly built my interest. Is there any other way?

@Jasmine855

If you want to include both ideas, I think you could start with the first one as an experience that triggered the inspiration to pursue a medical career and that the second experience reaffirmed your interest in the field. try putting it in one paragraph.