Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 3


'a Texas All-State swimmer' - Common app extra curricular essay



Moredred 2 / 1  
Nov 19, 2011   #1
Hey guys and gals,
Like it says, this is for the common app extracurricular essay where you briefly describe an extracurricular activity; I chose swimming. I think I went over 1000 characters so anywhere where y'all think I can could cut down some would be nice. Also, I'm not sure if the content Is deep enough, and maybe the end was to abrupt. Thanks in advance!

Pump. I feel the burn of the lactate acid course through my veins as my feet push off the wall. The water rushes past me as i tell myself twenty five more yards, and then it's over. For a moment I lift my head out of the water to sip for air. Pump. I feel my body begin to cramp up, but I push myself (further). I see the red flags, ten yards to go. Pump. Determined to breathe no more, I force my head under water. Pump. My hand clashes against the wall and the burn begins to fade away. It is instantly replaced with a sense of euphoria as I realize I had completed yet another one of my coaches nigh impossible ten thousand yard swim practices. After only two years of these practices, I was named a Texas All-State swimmer. These practices, and the accomplishments that came with them, taught me that if I work hard, and push myself to the limits day in and day out, I'm unbeatable. This simple philosophy has permeated all aspects of what I do, and has lead me to other great achievements in different activities.

collegebound15 4 / 7  
Nov 19, 2011   #2
what are the "pumps"? the repetition of that was confusing for me. I really liked the beginning and actually feel that you could cut the last sentence.
Arabo33 2 / 6  
Nov 19, 2011   #3
It looks great to me but one suggestion would be to take the "I'm unbeatable" and position it somewhere else in the essay. Hope that helps and good luck!


Home / Undergraduate / 'a Texas All-State swimmer' - Common app extra curricular essay
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳