UBC - tell us about who you are: intiative-taker

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

Growing up as a skinny, gay Asian kid, I was bullied. My bullies, like many others, have a way of making me feel as if no one would ever stand up for me. As I matured, however, this feeling led me to grow into a leader that is not afraid to stand up for myself. Perhaps this is why friends compare me to Michelle Obama - a flattering comparison, I must admit, but a true one. Many in the community that I have worked with say that, like her, I am not afraid to stand up and take initiatives in positions of leadership; and when I do, I sharply analyze the situations around me and their potential underlying issues, then step up and take action to address them.

My desire to stand up transformed into action when I joined Student Council. Today, as a Student Council Exec, I am proud to say that my job is all about stepping up to act. For instance, after leading a recent poster-making session, I quickly realized that our pre-COVID poster-making format was unsafe. I immediately contacted my fellow execs and proposed a new format: one where students divide up the poster workload across the building. Many similar experiences at Student Council enabled me to transform a courage to stand up into an initiative-taking action blueprint: if I see something wrong, I make a plan, and fix it - a principle I now proudly encompass as a leader.

This is quite an early draft so please please scrutinize! @holt i know you always have some amazing insights so if you can please chime in :) anyone else please also just absolutely bash me as u see fit! Thank you all so much!!!!

Thanks for the compliment. I hope I can live up to it. Here is my review of this early draft. It is a good draft, but can use some enhancements and changes to help you come across as a unique and special individual in the eyes of the reviewer. I hope my comments help.

Good draft but missing one important element. The reviewer doesn't care about your being gay, that is a non-issue, so is the bullying you experience. What would be more important to the reviewer, isn't the comparison with Michelle Obama but who you are as an original, not a copy. How do your parents view you as their gay kid? Are they supportive? How would they describe you? Not as their gay kid, but as their child, nothing more. Being gay isn't important, who you are as a person, what your character is, that is what matters in this response.

As for your friends, I don't think you should rely too much on the Michelle Obama comparison. Nobody likes being called a copy. I know you idolize her as a role model. However, it is important that you show originality. How are you as a friend? What makes you stand out as a peer to these people? Even when considering the community aspect, it would be better to avoid making comparisons between yourself and such an icon. You are not at an iconic state yet. You might get there, but don't reach for it right now. The reviewer still wants to get to know what makes you special, as you are, not as a carbon copy.

As for the Student Council reference, I am not sure how this fulfills the "most proud of" requirement because there was nothing in the reference that makes it appear to be a notable action on your part. You should think of something that made other people around you admire you or say "good job!" Try to aim for something that you and the people around you would probably consider your most notable accomplishment.

@Holt
oh wow! thank you so much! im so glad i came here lol
do you think once i edit and incorporate your advice i can send it back on this thread again to double check?
thank you again! these are amazing insights!!! they're gonna help tremendously :)