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Women empowerment what why and how



MariamBakr2001 2 / 4  
Dec 31, 2017   #1
What about your background and/or interests makes you competitive for this particular program (please be as specific as possible)? What will you contribute to the group? How do you expect this experience will affect your future academic and professional career? How will it affect you personally? What would you most like to share with Americans about Egypt and your culture?

being a worthwhile participant of this program



Observing the successful women in the world, I am lead to believe that I can accomplish something valuable and make my life more significant for myself, as well as the others around me if I put the knowledge and skills I have obtained over the years to good use. The inadequate education system was not the only obstacle I had to overcome I am a girl from a family suffers hugely from ignorance. I lacked support, inspiration and suffered from gender discrimination through my way it required extraordinary determination and efforts for the society to accept me. And due to lack of financial resources, I worked part-time which lead me to experience the disturbing reality. It is not less than a miracle that today I am enrolled in Medical school, it shows how much I am a hard-working and self-motivated person. I stood tall against all, I have experienced that your struggle pays you back, it blossomed the good in me. I consider myself to be an energetic, hardworking and ambitious individual. Partaking in a teamwork as both a member and a leader has improved my teamwork skills, leadership, proficiency, and communication skills. I volunteered for helping in renewing Al-Tahrir square after 28th Jun revolution. I volunteered for helping in hospital on 30 June revolution. I participated in MSAU ( Model simulation of African Union ) learned a lot through interaction with people from diverse cultures. Besides all these activities I am among brilliant students of my batch. Academically, I aspire to be at the top in my field. Therefore I do not want to limit myself to the current degree, instead, I want to explore the extent of my field through participating in different programs such as this, which will help me develop my social and educational skills and reform my abilities to perform even better. So that one day I could be a part of something even better, which will hopefully serve the society in a best possible way.

My ultimate goal will be to work for the betterment of those women who are still denied of their basic right in education. I saw how much the women in my society are underrated and abused through their lives. To be a female means stereotyped to be mothers and housewives with no right in education it is the native of this society, I saw what happens to many ambitious young girls when they fought those beliefs they got hurt by their families who did not allow such challenging actions. I spent time with abused girls during my work with a group from my college to increase awareness about FGM (Female genital mutilation) I devoted a plenty of my time to this idea and I have faith in it I want to develop it, I saw myself in them I felt their anger at the injustice in the world and their resolve to put an end to it. Those girls were suffering tremendously instead of being educated they were being imprisoned in a cage of illiteracy, my work with them has broadened my horizon. They have inspired me in so many ways. I want to tell their stories to help the world to hear their voices.

As the US is one of the world's greatest nations traveling there and understanding their methodology of working something out, will help me in developing my own technique to support in my society, I am enthusiast about the idea of defining my homeland. I come from a mixed background, as I did not live in the urban area all my life which will help me to deliver the most detailed picture of my country. Egypt has a rich historical background which is underestimated. I want to share all about the history of women in my country, and how much they fought for their rights. Moreover, interaction with heterogeneous community will have a positive effect on my personality, my whole life, and career, and Therefore I believe it would be an ideal platform for me to go beyond the limits and experience something different which will boost up my creativity, my visit will serve as something very positive with regard to women empowerment.

adamalonzo123 2 / 3  
Dec 31, 2017   #2
I think it may help the reader if you were more specific. I understand this is a passion you have, but how would you educate people and spread the word? Just something that may help...
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15370  
Jan 1, 2018   #3
Maryam, all you provided in this essay was an extensive background in relation to this interest. However, not all of the information you provided makes you seem competitive because it is too full of self pity and pity for other women in your country. You do not really represent any actual social or civic work that indicates how you started to help change the situation for women in your country. In order to balance your essay, you need to shorten the background so that you can free up the words for the remaining essay prompts that you need to respond to in a clear manner. These prompts are:

What will you contribute to the group? How do you expect this experience will affect your future academic and professional career? How will it affect you personally? What would you most like to share with Americans about Egypt and your culture?

If you want to have a more connected and relevant response to these essays you can combine your responses to one or two of them so that you will create a stronger and more effective paragraph. If I were you, I would create a connected response between the following prompts:

1. What will you contribute to the group? + What would you most like to share with Americans about Egypt and your culture?
2. How do you expect this experience will affect your future academic and professional career? + How will it affect you personally?

Presenting these combined paragraph response though will require you to revise the essay in terms of content. Pull back on the background story, limit that to one paragraph. Then create extended paragraph statements for the combined prompt responses. That way, you don't have to keep trying to represent each question in one paragraph. Why will this happen? Think about it, when you tell the reviewer what you can contribute to the group, you can easily insert information about how your contribution can help Americans understand more about Egypt and its culture. The same goes for the second set of combined responses. Your future academic and personal careers will have a direct effect on you personally, because of the developments it can create in your life. This is one instance were the response is more a "connect the dots" kind of thing instead of an individualized analysis of the prompt.


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